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  #1  
Old 06-05-2014, 07:16 PM
Anakalia Anakalia is offline
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Default Triad family moving in together.

Hey there!

Anyone here in a triad and all live together? With kids? My partners and I all want to move in together with our children (ages 6, 8, 8, 11, and 13), and we're just trying to sort out the logistical side of things.

Specifically, we're trying to figure out how we'll split bills (rent, food, general bills). I come in to it as a single mother of 4 children (3 of which are with me full time, 1 of which is a teenager and lives mostly with his Dad 5 minutes from me), and they are a married couple with 1 child.

Thanks! Any suggestions and stories are appreciated.
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Old 06-05-2014, 07:33 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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How long have you been with your partners?
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Old 06-05-2014, 07:35 PM
Anakalia Anakalia is offline
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I started dating my girlfriend first, and that was just over a year ago, and the triad started about 10 months ago.
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Old 06-05-2014, 08:36 PM
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Bluebird Bluebird is offline
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I am not a member of a triad - I'm the hinge in a vee - but we are coming together right now as my boyfriend is moving in. I have a journal on this site if you want to check it out.

My husband is a socialist, and he makes more income than I and my boyfriend combined, so we all contribute what we can to the pot. That's what we do now. We had initially decided to just have my boyfriend pay a set amount toward rent each month, but his work situation has been spotty recently so we are letting him work out his issues.
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Old 06-06-2014, 12:47 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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You could split everything three ways. That seems most fair to me.
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Old 06-06-2014, 12:59 AM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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I guess figure out all the expenses, divide by how many people live there including children then the parents of the children cover their share. So if all the bills are 1200 divide by 7 would be $171 per person. So OP who has herself and 3 full time kids would cover $684 of it. Id do the same for food.

Another option would be a shared bank account for all where all money goes in. And all adults get some spending money and any required purchases would be discussed beforehand to be fair.
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Old 06-06-2014, 01:04 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Now, I don't want to discourage you out of your idea, but have you thought of getting a separate residence, but in the same area? I live five minutes away from my boyfriend and his spouse. I can go to either place, as can he. But I don't have to worry about splitting bills, etc. I just have mine, and they have theirs. I hardly even sleep in my place, but I HAVE it.

It can be nice, particularly if you're unable to be open, so there are no worries such as, what do you do when his in-laws visit? When YOUR parents visit?
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Old 06-06-2014, 03:42 AM
Nadya Nadya is offline
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There are a myriad of ways to split costs in your scenario, and each of them can be justified. I think the first question you need to answer is: who is economically responsible for whom? Are you (OP, singular) going to continue supporting yourself and your kids and they themselves (as a unit) and their child - as I suppose things have been so far. Or, are all the adults willing to take responsibility of everyone? Or something in between - say, for example you cover costs for yourself and your kids normally, but the married couple would be a "crisis help". In my eyes these all solutions are OK and can be justified. Just, what do you want? What feels good for all of you involved?

Once you decide this, then you have a basis on which to start thinking about more exact details.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
I guess figure out all the expenses, divide by how many people live there including children then the parents of the children cover their share. So if all the bills are 1200 divide by 7 would be $171 per person. So OP who has herself and 3 full time kids would cover $684 of it. Id do the same for food.

Another option would be a shared bank account for all where all money goes in. And all adults get some spending money and any required purchases would be discussed beforehand to be fair.
In the first scenario here every adult would cover for their own kids, in the second scenario adults take responsibility of kids jointly. Both are fine.
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  #9  
Old 06-06-2014, 11:21 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Since you have 4 kids and they have one, you could pay for your kids' food, clothing, sports, etc as usual. And for your own needs and wants. The other couple pays for themselves and their kid. Imagine you, as a single mom, moving in with your sister and her husband and kid, would you expect them to pay for you and your 4 kids?

On the other hand, if your partners make a boatload of money and want to help you pay for raising your kids, that's fine too. If you want to just pool all your resources and get a joint checking account you could do that too.

It's really completely up to you and your partners.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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  #10  
Old 06-06-2014, 01:15 PM
Savvyannah Savvyannah is offline
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I'm really interested to see how you guys work this out. This sort of scenario is very similar to what my ideal family would be. I wish you the best of luck and happiness!
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