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  #11  
Old 06-08-2014, 03:58 AM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Originally Posted by Jade99 View Post
Ok no jumping here but I'm still uncertain the difference really between polyamory and polygamy. I have read definitions and well i honestly don't see a whole of difference.
Here's how I think about it - hopefully this will be useful.

There is the category of non-monogamous relationships. This includes cheating, polyamory, polygamy - the whole range of non-monogamous relationships.

Then there is the sub-category of ethical non-monogamy. (Unethical non-monogamy is cheating basically.) Polyamory, open relationships, swinging, polygamy are all forms of ethical non-monogamy. Generally, everyone involved has to consent.

Polyamory is the practice (or desire for) of multiple loving relationships where everyone knows and consents. Those relationships do not have to be legal and often aren't, at least in the West. Polyamory, to my mind, includes all multiple loving ethical relationships. (I do not think cheating is polyamory. It can lead to polyamory but it is not itself poly. Others may disagree.)

Polygamy is *legal* marriage to more than one person. It is illegal in the U.S. and common in some parts of the world. There are subsets of polygamy organized by gender. Polygyny is when a man has multiple wives; polyandry is when women have multiple husbands. Historically polygyny has been way more common. I personally find polygyny problematic because, historically, it can be authoritarian, has rigid gender roles, and not allow consent. However, if done with consent, polygyny is just one way of many to do ethical non-monogamy.

So, tl;dr - polyamory is the full range of multiple loving relationships done ethically, while polygamy is legal marriage to more than one person at a time.

I also found this link helpful: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy
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  #12  
Old 06-08-2014, 04:22 AM
Jade99 Jade99 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
Here's how I think about it - hopefully this will be useful.

So, tl;dr - polyamory is the full range of multiple loving relationships done ethically, while polygamy is legal marriage to more than one person at a time.

I also found this link helpful: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy
I like the wording you used and I think my hang up between the 2 is the marriage aspect. Loving relationship ethically is how I feel.

I'm in Canada and to be honest, I did a lot of research report 15 PGs for a class in university on polygamy and laws in Canada. I however, haven't gotten into the extensive terminology of polyamory. I am fairly confident on how I see myself and the type of relationship(s) I would like to be in and could do monogamy. I just feel that polyamory is a better way. With any relationship there is respect and emotions and and and ....

This is the first time I have had an open conversation with anyone in 6yrs.... I'm going to stop here lol my mind has so much to say or ask and it's going to come out all jumbled.

Last edited by Jade99; 06-08-2014 at 04:25 AM.
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  #13  
Old 06-08-2014, 04:58 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
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Hi Jade99,

I would like to respond to your questions and concerns and I know you need some time to get your thoughts organized. When you do can I suggest you start a thread of your own? either somewhere here on the intro board or post a link in this thread to the new thread that you start. I would feel more free to delve in without worrying about straying off-topic.

Hope you get the input/feedback that would be the most helpful,
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 06-08-2014, 02:41 PM
Lillywolf Lillywolf is offline
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I actually thought the conversation was flowing nicely and on topic for what I was intending. My ex-husband cheated on me for over a year (starting when I was pregnant). I've been thinking of myself as a hyprocrite for wanting a poly relationship, when that was what he was doing. The more I think about it though it, I'm not mad that he had another relationship. I'm mad at all the lies and what ended up being mental abuse behavior that accompanied his relationship.
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Old 06-08-2014, 04:56 PM
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Yes, we often hear that when a spouse is cheating, the other spouse is less upset by the affair itself then they are by the fact that they were lied to.

And you're right, the thread has stayed on-topic just fine so far. Just wanted to do my part to keep it that way.
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  #16  
Old 06-08-2014, 09:15 PM
Jade99 Jade99 is offline
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Yes, in sure the thread was as it should be and due to technical issues in posting use my cell, it flipped a few times and didn't realize that it went to an entirely different thread actually. So thanks for your comment and tolerance. Much helpful and I wish u well on your situation you are dealing with.
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  #17  
Old 06-09-2014, 02:06 AM
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Hey, if it would help, you could even message me privately (with any questions or what have you). I don't mean to censor you or anything; it wouldn't be my place to do that.
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