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  #1  
Old 05-30-2014, 03:18 PM
pouchirory pouchirory is offline
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Default Looking for advice

About myself i'm 29 ex military, going back to school dating someone that has an established career. I'm somewhat confused as to where to go. Long story short, I found a girl that I'm very attracted to, I find mentally stimulating, and is very easy to chill. So the issue at hand is I want a consensual committed relationship with her, and she wants a one sided open relationship the open part being on her end not mine (i asked). My issue is I haven't met a woman in the last ten years that I have wanted so much, and i'm very undecided what to do because while i find one sided open relationships extremely distasteful i'm not exactly sure how to approach this. She wants to date multiple people and only be sexual with me. I know she favors poly-amorous relationships, so i'm wondering not only what your thoughts are on what i should do but also can someone who favors this lifestyle actually be committed to one person, and on the polar side to this if they can't can they date someone where it is open on both ends? thoughts?
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  #2  
Old 05-30-2014, 05:32 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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Am I reading this right? Your partner wants to date others, but you are not supposed to date others. She will "date" others, but she won't have sex with them, she will only have sex with you?

Whaaaa???
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  #3  
Old 05-30-2014, 08:11 PM
pouchirory pouchirory is offline
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Yes that sums it up, i'm not really sure what i should think about it, is this a normal relationship in that sense?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBunny View Post
Am I reading this right? Your partner wants to date others, but you are not supposed to date others. She will "date" others, but she won't have sex with them, she will only have sex with you?

Whaaaa???
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  #4  
Old 05-30-2014, 08:25 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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If you guys don't have matching dating styles, it sounds like best to call it "close, but not quite" to me.

You don't have to change yourself or your dating style because she's the first "close but not it" in 10 years. You might have to change your dating frequency so you meet more people to date, but don't go with something that isn't joyous for you just to be with someone either.

This isn't about poly people being able to commit (they can). This is about whether (YOU and HER) are compatible with each other. Not everyone you date is gonna be a runner. Some not even, some close but not quite it, and some on the money. YKWIM? That's what dating is for -- to explore and find the compatible people.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 05-30-2014 at 08:31 PM.
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  #5  
Old 05-30-2014, 10:13 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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Why aren't you supposed to date others though your partner can?

What is the point of dating if sex is not (eventually) in the picture?


I think I'd give this proposition a resounding "hell no" if it were offered to me.
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  #6  
Old 05-31-2014, 02:56 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Yep. This is weird.
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  #7  
Old 05-31-2014, 10:37 AM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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If you do not believe that she is going to sleep with one of her other boyfriends then do I have a real estate deal for you....
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Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #8  
Old 06-01-2014, 12:59 PM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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I would have issues being involved with someone who expects you to take the burden of her dating others, but is unwilling to deal with her own insecurities about you dating others. While I know the conversation is focused on the dating aspect and the inherent lack of symmetry in her proposal, it screams lack of personal responsibility and the ability to mange her own emotions. Instead of managing her own emotional state, she dictates to others what they can and cannot do so she doesn't have to deal with the difficult stuff.
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  #9  
Old 06-01-2014, 01:02 PM
london london is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
If you do not believe that she is going to sleep with one of her other boyfriends then do I have a real estate deal for you....
Haha.
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