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  #51  
Old 08-23-2014, 02:59 AM
wildflowers wildflowers is online now
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Kc43, maybe I'm misremembering (and if so I apologize) but didn't you go through a phase like this a while ago where you wanted to shut everyone out of your life so that no one would have a chance to hurt you?

Is it possible that you have gotten triggered here - in particular, your trust issues - and that partly what you need is to learn ways to get yourself out the other side of this phase more easily, as well as to recognize that it is a cycle and it will have an end?

In my experience, recognizing "oh, here I am again, in that cycle" makes it a bit more manageable. Still painful for sure, but it seems a bit more possible to ride it out without overreaction. And then when it does end, I feel "phew, at least I didn't do anything crazy; none of that seems like such a big deal any more".

I could have it wrong here, of course, and your experience may not be similar to mine.

In any case, sorry you're having such tough time right now, and hope that things smooth out soon!
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  #52  
Old 08-23-2014, 06:10 PM
KC43 KC43 is online now
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Wildflowers, it's entirely possible that I went through a similar phase. (Would have to reread this blog to be certain.) Because of past experiences and the way I was brought up, plus abuse in my first marriage, I am conditioned to expect to be hurt and to believe I deserve it when it happens. And I am conditioned to believe that if something good happens, everything's going to go to shit pretty soon because I don't deserve good things. And so sometimes I just plain want to hide from everyone because it feels safer.

That's conditioning I'm working hard to overcome. Hubby and Guy are aware and do what they can to help me. So does Best Friend.

I do recognize, when that type of thinking occurs, that it's temporary, that I've felt/thought that way before, and that it always has passed before so most likely will again. As I said a couple posts ago, some of it was venting and spewing poison to get it out of my head; that's what I keep a blog (and a private journal) for.

I say (or type) things when I'm in that mindset because for me, verbalizing generally substitutes for acting. In other words, if I say "I'm so furious I'm going to punch the wall," I don't actually punch a wall; saying I want to is sufficient.

If I'm hurt so badly that I want to retreat, withdraw, and lick my wounds, *saying* I'm hurt that badly burns off some of that emotional energy, so I don't actually *do* anything. Venting in that manner is one of my coping strategies, because if I hold in what I'm thinking and feeling, I'm *more* likely to do or say something irreversible.

I was able to verbalize to Hubby and Guy (who, thankfully, was able to call me last night; he has a way of sensing when I need him and making time to get in touch even if he is with his kids) how I was feeling and why. And that I didn't--and still don't--understand why the situation with S2 hit me as hard as it did.

Both men acknowledged how I felt, and that I had a right to feel however I feel. Both told me that while they think I'm jumping to too many conclusions (which I said myself), they agree that some of the behavior on S2's part was hurtful, and even if they disagree with my thoughts and reactions, they understand *me* well enough to understand how I went that way.

I've removed S2's name from my signature here, have deleted past messages from him on the website we met through, and deleted his number and the couple of texts he's sent me from my phone. I still haven't heard anything from him, and at this point I don't expect to. I'm in the recovery phase now; I've been managing to distract myself fairly well, and although part of me still continues with the "Next time I see S2, I'm going to... oh, wait", mostly I've accepted that if he doesn't consider me worth the few seconds it would take to text me and let me know what's going on, he isn't worth the time and energy it takes me to think about him.

I'm going to miss what I gained from spending time with him, but I'm going to reach a point where I won't miss *him*. We were only seeing each other less than a month and a half, so it isn't like I'm really losing a lot.
__________________
Me: 44, cis-het female, poly
Hubby: my husband, 42, monogamous
S2: my "attachment", male, 44, undetermined
Best Friend: male, 38, platonic; the one who keeps me sane through all this!
My daughters: Alt (age 19) and Country (age 16)
S2's sons: Spikes (age 9) and Beads (age 6)

Last edited by KC43; 08-23-2014 at 06:14 PM.
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  #53  
Old 08-24-2014, 09:30 PM
KC43 KC43 is online now
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Wow... Sometimes I re-read something I wrote the day before and can't even figure out what the hell I was thinking.

Depression and anxiety are dicks. That's the only explanation.

Cat got in touch with me earlier today. She was on the camping trip. She says S2 did go, but she didn't see much interaction, and certainly nothing flirty or sexual, between him and the woman I was worried about.

Now I'm second-guessing my second-guessing. This is how I roll, I guess...and this is why I say things like "I'm shutting everyone out" here in my blog instead of doing it, or even saying it to people in my "meatspace" life. Because of the depression and anxiety, my perceptions are sometimes so far off that when the situation passes, *I* don't even understand where my head was at. So I spew it out here or in my private journal so I don't do or say something irreparable. Thank goodness for that.

I still haven't heard from S2. And I still might not. But yesterday's post... Damn, I don't even remember typing the stuff about missing what I gained but not him. That's really, really closing-the-door stuff right there. Though it was after Hubby informed me that he thinks the other woman is "sexier and cuter" than me and that he didn't blame S2 if he wanted to get with her, so that most likely didn't help.

If he doesn't contact me, at least I'll know it isn't because of someone else. And it isn't because of *me*, necessarily. If he does contact me, the door is still open, so at least there's that. And if not...so be it.

So yeah. I knew as I was going through all of that that I was overreacting, though I genuinely did perceive interest and possible connection between S2 and the other woman. That might not have been an ACCURATE perception, but it was a REAL one in my mind. I knew, and said to Hubby and Guy, that I was reacting out of proportion and out of assumptions. I just couldn't get my emotions and brain to work together to be proportionate and logical.

It sucks when that happens. It sucks more that even when I KNOW it's happening, I can't always control it. Mental illness is a frigging dick. That's all I can say.

Meanwhile, Hubby and I had an issue... When I was talking to him last night, after I'd cooled off from his "she's sexier and cuter than you" and from what I'd typed here, he was at first helping me see positive possibilities for why I hadn't heard from S2.

But then Hubby said, "Or maybe he's just so busy f*cking her that he isn't even thinking about you."

Why he says things like that... He claimed he just wanted me to have a "realistic" picture of all the possibilities. I told him I don't need any help seeing the negatives. I do just fine with that on my own. I need help with seeing the positives.

That kinda stewed in my head. I confronted him about it today. Told him that he knew how insecure I was already feeling about that woman, and that I can't understand how he could choose to say things that fed that insecurity. Told him that I need to know I can trust him with my heart and soul, and I don't feel like I can when he says things like that.

When I talked to Guy about the situation and my insecurity about the other woman, he said, "Something about you shines, and those who see it are drawn to it. She doesn't have that. And people see that too." But Hubby said, "Well, you're right, she's cuter and sexier than you."

Hubby burrowed his head into his pillows and asked why I don't leave him when he hurts me. So my attempt to communicate to him that he had hurt me and how I feel when that happens became me reassuring him that I'm not leaving, I just need him to be more careful about his "honesty."

We're good now. We were able to sort that out before he left for work. Hopefully he'll remember and be more mindful of what he says. I don't want him to lie to me, but there comes a time when honesty can cross into cruelty, and he tends to cross that line a lot. Not intentionally, just out of ignorance, but he can choose to think before he speaks.
__________________
Me: 44, cis-het female, poly
Hubby: my husband, 42, monogamous
S2: my "attachment", male, 44, undetermined
Best Friend: male, 38, platonic; the one who keeps me sane through all this!
My daughters: Alt (age 19) and Country (age 16)
S2's sons: Spikes (age 9) and Beads (age 6)
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  #54  
Old 08-27-2014, 12:39 AM
KC43 KC43 is online now
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Just because I was getting too hung up on "what's going on", I texted S2 Sunday night, just asked if he had fun camping.

He said he did, that it was relaxing and he needed it. He *answered*.

I didn't get his reply until the next morning because I deliberately sent my text just before I went to bed so I wouldn't keep checking my phone. I answered his text...and never heard back.

Yesterday, I went into the chat room we belong to. He was in there. He didn't say hi, and when I said hi to him, he said, "Gotta fly, ttyl" and signed out. Not sure if that was addressed to me; chat protocol is to use the screen name of the person you're talking to, because there are a lot in there. Not sure if his signing out was because of me; he chats on his phone, and often either gets bounced out of the chat room or gets a text or call that he has to deal with.

But combined with the lack of communication all weekend and the lack of reply to my text yesterday morning, the abrupt sign-out hit my WTF button again.

I know I'm thinking too much. Overanalyzing. I felt too deeply, trusted too much, and believed he was at least respectful enough to speak up to me if he didn't want to talk or wanted space or wanted to end it.

But... he hasn't spoken up. I don't know what's going on. I'm assuming and guessing and tangling myself up, and that isn't okay with me.

He has two more days. We have those plans for the 29th that he took the day off for. He'll contact me to confirm, or he'll contact me to cancel, or he won't contact me at all. If I don't hear from him by Thursday morning, I'll message him to find out whether we're still on.

And then he'll either reply to confirm, reply to cancel, or not reply at all, which will be my answer.

Best Friend says he thinks S2 was just using me as a rebound and has moved on to shinier. Entirely possible. More power to him if that's the case, but it would be nice if he let me know he isn't interested in seeing me anymore.

Hubby made me cry in a *good* way yesterday... He told me he strongly believes that S2 is running a little bit scared, needing space because *his* feelings were getting too deep as well as possibly because he thought mine might be. Hubby said he believes wholeheartedly that if I just hold back, trust, and be patient, S2 will realize that I'm a good person to have in his life and will get back in touch.

Coming from most people, I would say that was only intended to make me feel better. But coming from the man who says things like "He's probably fucking the hell out of that other woman and not thinking about you"... Hubby NEVER says anything just to make me feel better. He does not say anything unless he can say it with full honesty. If he tells me he believes S2 just needs a little space and time and will come back, he honestly and completely believes it. That doesn't mean his belief is correct, but it means that is his belief, it isn't just "soothe KC's feelings."

To Hubby, I said out loud for the first time that I love S2. Don't know whether I fell *in love* with him, but definitely love, not just like. Hubby said that despite our previous rule about having to cut ties with anyone we developed deeper feelings than friendship for, he will never again ask me to do that. He said he's learned enough about me to realize if I love, I love, and if the person is worth it, Hubby wants me to have them in my life regardless. He's learned that no matter how I feel about someone else, I'm not leaving, and he said if I cut ties with S2 it shouldn't be because of that now-nonexistent rule, it should be because S2's being a jerk, or I don't feel like seeing him anymore, or whatever.

Guy says he hopes I at least get some closure with S2...but also says he doesn't think anyone who would treat me this way is worth me getting upset over. Which I agree with.

Honestly, right now if S2 does go through with our plans for Friday, I will probably go solely in the hope of getting some truth from him. And I don't know whether I would be willing to see him again after that, even if he wanted to, even if he is honest... I just plain don't know.

Of course, it's entirely possible that he won't go through with the plans, in which case the answer is obvious and I walk away. I'm pretty much at the walking away point now. I'm just giving him this one chance to show me whether I'm right, wrong, or something in between about him.
__________________
Me: 44, cis-het female, poly
Hubby: my husband, 42, monogamous
S2: my "attachment", male, 44, undetermined
Best Friend: male, 38, platonic; the one who keeps me sane through all this!
My daughters: Alt (age 19) and Country (age 16)
S2's sons: Spikes (age 9) and Beads (age 6)

Last edited by KC43; 08-27-2014 at 12:42 AM.
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  #55  
Old 08-30-2014, 05:32 PM
KC43 KC43 is online now
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So... yesterday was Friday.

I caved and emailed S2 Wednesday night to ask if we were still on. Part of me wanted to wait for him to contact me, but I realized that really, the only thing I had ANY control over was whether I reached out to him. And I needed to take that control.

He answered and said he was looking forward to it, he'd had a rough week and needed the day.

Yesterday, I went to meet him at his place (we were planning to go to a lake near where he lives; I'd only been there once before, plus I would have had to drive through his town to get there, so it made more sense to leave my car at his place and ride to the lake with him). I wasn't exactly looking forward to it. I needed answers, and wasn't sure I would get them. Nor was I sure how to bring up the questions without sounding pushy or insecure.

I walked into his apartment...Said, "It's been a while since I've seen you"... He pulled me into the tightest hug, buried his face against my neck, and said, "I've missed you."

We spent the entire day together, from about 9 am until 6 pm...and the only reason we parted at 6 was because his ex was bringing his kids down for the weekend. It was like most of my times with him. One topic running to another, not running out of things to say, not feeling bored or awkward during silences.

I told him his not answering my messages, not letting me know about camping, and the sudden exit from chat had left me wondering if I'd said something I shouldn't have, or if he was trying to avoid me. He apologized for making me feel that way. Said, "Don't EVER think I'm ignoring you. Sometimes I'm just a doofus or I get sidetracked. Please keep in contact, and if I don't answer, please just message me again."

He told me he's been under a lot more stress than he wanted to let on, between work and family stuff, and that when he's stressed he withdraws from EVERYONE. He told me over and over how glad he was that I was spending the day with him. The camping thing was last-minute enough that he didn't have supplies or gear, and by the time he got everything organized, he was on his way to the campground with no cell reception. (I know there was no reception there; my friend Cat was also on the trip and told me the same thing.)

The chat room thing, he was chatting on his phone (as usual) on a Boston subway and kept losing reception and missing most of what everyone was saying. He didn't even see me in there, since all I said was hello and I wasn't really talking.

Some of those things...Reading them in print, without knowing S2, they might sound suspicious or like lies or excuses. But *seeing* his face when he said them, *hearing* his voice break when he finally told me how stressed he was and how rough things have been family-wise for him the past week... And when we said goodbye, he held me even more tightly than when I'd arrived and just said, "It's been such a long week." And he sounded like he was crying. He didn't want to let me go.

We went swimming. Hiking. Back to his place, then out for a picnic lunch. Talked about EVERYTHING, including where we are with each other.

We agreed not to label things, and we're still in the "see where we go" stage... But he made it very, very clear that he wants things to keep going. That I'm important in his life, special to him. He was telling me all the places he wants to show me around his area of the state, some of which are places that have family connections for him. He said camping last weekend would have been a lot better if I'd been there, and that he wants to take me camping with him next year.

NEXT year. He sees that much of a future for whatever we have.

And he offered to be a second reader/editor for some stories that I want to self-publish because they don't fit with any of the publishers I'm with. I didn't ask. I just mentioned that self-publishing requires good editing, and since he has some editorial experience (albeit with legal documents; he's a paralegal/legal researcher), he said he would love to help me.

I'm really glad I went to see him, and even more glad that I pushed past my own fears and insecurities to tell him what I was thinking and what I was worried about, and that he was willing to have that discussion and to make sure I understood how much I matter to him.

So he's back in my signature...and we'll see where it goes.
__________________
Me: 44, cis-het female, poly
Hubby: my husband, 42, monogamous
S2: my "attachment", male, 44, undetermined
Best Friend: male, 38, platonic; the one who keeps me sane through all this!
My daughters: Alt (age 19) and Country (age 16)
S2's sons: Spikes (age 9) and Beads (age 6)
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  #56  
Old 08-31-2014, 01:12 AM
KC43 KC43 is online now
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I went out this afternoon to run some errands and go into the office for a bit. Came home and had to help 16-year-old write an essay. (She quickly decided that I wasn't helping her "right", so told me to go away.)

When I sat down at my desk, I checked my phone and had a text from S2 thanking me for yesterday

And when I signed into AFF, I had an email from him following up on one of our conversations yesterday, a concept he'd been trying to explain but hadn't managed to find the right phrasing for. He said the right phrasing popped into his head at 3:30 this morning. LOL.

Apparently he took my telling him that it bothers me when there's no contact to heart...
__________________
Me: 44, cis-het female, poly
Hubby: my husband, 42, monogamous
S2: my "attachment", male, 44, undetermined
Best Friend: male, 38, platonic; the one who keeps me sane through all this!
My daughters: Alt (age 19) and Country (age 16)
S2's sons: Spikes (age 9) and Beads (age 6)

Last edited by KC43; 08-31-2014 at 01:15 AM.
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  #57  
Old 09-01-2014, 12:37 AM
KC43 KC43 is online now
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Told Hubby something that was on my mind. A fantasy kind of thing.

He told me it was TMI and he didn't want to "dwell on it."

I am not going to let him do this to me again. My sex life and fantasies and whatever else are MINE, and he is not going to make me feel like they're wrong, or like I'm wrong for having them.

I hung up on him and texted him to say "You don't get to have it both ways. You don't get to say we have to be open and honest with each other and then get pissy with me when I am. Either we're open and honest and you get a say in my life, or I don't tell you anything and I just do what I want."

He hasn't answered, and probably won't. I'm sure I've pissed him off, and that's fine. He knows better than to act like I'm doing something wrong when I talk about sex, whether reality or fantasy. I'm going to call him back in a few minutes and see whether we can straighten this out, but this is yet another example of his mixed messages, and I'm not sorry for hanging up or for what I said. He doesn't get to yank me around because of *his* hang-ups. Either he says flat out that he's uncomfortable or he keeps his mouth shut, but he is not going to put the blame on me for how he feels.
__________________
Me: 44, cis-het female, poly
Hubby: my husband, 42, monogamous
S2: my "attachment", male, 44, undetermined
Best Friend: male, 38, platonic; the one who keeps me sane through all this!
My daughters: Alt (age 19) and Country (age 16)
S2's sons: Spikes (age 9) and Beads (age 6)
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  #58  
Old 09-01-2014, 04:51 PM
KC43 KC43 is online now
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Sort of cleared things up with Hubby before I went to bed last night, but there are still pieces yet to be settled. He's promised to talk to me about it today. Sometimes he blows off promises like that; I'm hoping he'll keep this one.

Meanwhile, I've posted a question about the situation in the Poly Relationships section...

And in other news, I got a new publishing contract yesterday and texted all three guys to share the good news. The only one who answered was S2.
__________________
Me: 44, cis-het female, poly
Hubby: my husband, 42, monogamous
S2: my "attachment", male, 44, undetermined
Best Friend: male, 38, platonic; the one who keeps me sane through all this!
My daughters: Alt (age 19) and Country (age 16)
S2's sons: Spikes (age 9) and Beads (age 6)
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  #59  
Old 09-02-2014, 09:13 PM
KC43 KC43 is online now
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So glad that I have men who love me enough to discuss things and work things out so they can continue to be with me. It might not seem like much to some people, but in my first marriage, any time I said that something my husband did was a problem for me, I was met at the very least with something along the lines of "That's your problem. I can't change and I don't have to. You hate me, I should just fucking kill myself. You're the one who's screwed up, not me."

And that would be for something simple like "It bothers me when you leave your socks beside the hamper instead of putting them in it..." If I asked him to change a behavior or explain something he said, it could be a lot worse.

But that's years in the past. And now I have not just one, but THREE men in my life who are willing to talk and to change their behavior if they agree with me that it's a problem. Just as I'm willing to do if they point out a behavior on my part that's problematic.

S2 is still staying in touch. I've had contact with him every day, at least a brief text or brief answer to a text I send, since Friday when he and I talked about how I'd felt with the lack of contact. I haven't heard from him yet today, but I'm gonna be contacting him later--I think, if I can stop angsting about "being in his face" to let him know I'm going to be near his workplace tomorrow and ask if he wants to do lunch. He's been answering so far, so I'm pretty sure he'll answer that.

Hubby took the time to talk with me yesterday to clarify what his issues were. And for the first time, instead of saying "Your behavior is the problem," he actually said "I don't know my own mind on this, and *that's* the problem. I can't expect you to know what is and isn't okay to tell me if I don't know myself." We agreed that going forward, I will give him just minimal information, like "I had lunch with S2 today", and he'll ask me questions if he wants to know more.

Guy also took the time to talk with me about his feeling envious. He said he isn't hurt or upset by what I tell him; he just has a hard time sometimes with the fact that he's hundreds of miles away, while S2 is about 30 miles away. He encouraged me to tell him whatever I want to tell him, and we agreed that if he can't handle hearing it, he'll say so in a way that puts the focus on how he's feeling rather than what I'm doing. (That's his consideration for me; he knows if he says something like "That's TMI," I'm going to hear it as "You're a bad person for telling me that" and, depending on where my head's at, even as "You're a bad person for *doing* that." If he says "I need to talk to you about that later, because I'm feeling envious and I need time to process," I don't take it as me doing something wrong.)

So... I am angsting about contacting S2 about lunch tomorrow. We saw each other Friday, and talked then about maybe seeing each other this Saturday if his plans with a friend end up not happening. And I just found out our friend Cat is throwing a birthday party for another friend, who I don't think I've given a name to on here yet... The second friend, I guess I'll call Ash, briefly dated Guy last year and is the one who hit on S2 at a party a few weeks ago.

Oddly, she and I've become really good friends since that party...We always got along, just weren't exactly *friends*. Now we are; in fact, she and I've been texting back and forth while I've typed this entry.

Anyway, so there's a birthday party for her Saturday night that I would really like to go with S2 to, at the same bar where the last party was, which is only about 20 minutes from his place. It would honestly make more sense for Hubby to go with me, because his birthday is tomorrow, but he has to work--and has also said he doesn't really want to go to any more parties with that group. He's fed up because of the way some of them have treated me since we opened the marriage, and especially after Guy became my actual boyfriend.

Keep sidetracking...

I want to see S2 for lunch tomorrow, but also want to spend at least part of Saturday with him. We were just together all day Friday, so I don't know if asking him to lunch would be pushing things. It isn't like I'm going into the city *just* for lunch; my kid is giving me a haircut at her beauty school, and I have to meet up with Best Friend to pay him back some of the money he loaned me to visit Guy. But still, it might be too much time for someone who doesn't want a "wet blanket."

On the other hand, maybe if I don't ask him, we'll randomly run into each other again... lol
__________________
Me: 44, cis-het female, poly
Hubby: my husband, 42, monogamous
S2: my "attachment", male, 44, undetermined
Best Friend: male, 38, platonic; the one who keeps me sane through all this!
My daughters: Alt (age 19) and Country (age 16)
S2's sons: Spikes (age 9) and Beads (age 6)
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  #60  
Old 09-03-2014, 10:15 PM
KC43 KC43 is online now
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I ended up asking Hubby if he thought me asking S2 to lunch today and then wanting to see S2 Saturday would be pushing things. (I first asked Hubby if it was okay for me to ask his advice about S2, because I'm trying to be mindful about our discussion earlier this week.) He said it wouldn't be pushy at all as long as I kept the lunch thing along the lines of "I'm going to be in the city, want to do lunch?" Which was what I planned to say anyway, so I went ahead and asked.

Then I felt guilty because I'd messed up dates; today is Hubby's birthday. But Hubby told me to go ahead to lunch, because I did have other plans in the city, and he would be sleeping and working anyway. I gave Hubby a birthday blow-job raincheck, which amused him.

S2 said he wanted to see me today but couldn't buy me lunch because he's short on cash until payday. Which... I didn't expect him to buy me lunch. I would have happily bought him lunch or gone dutch. Except that isn't how he rolls; he's made it clear to me that he feels it's wrong to go out with a woman and not pay her way. (Not wrong in general. Wrong for *him*.) Then he offered to make a sandwich for me and bring it with him.

We also had about an hour-long text conversation after that. His sense of humor is as weird and eclectic as mine, and by the time I finally got to bed I was laughing too hard to fall asleep.

So we got together for lunch; a picnic in Boston Common. He brought me a sandwich and soda. I told him I don't expect him to pay my way or feed me every time we get together, but that I definitely appreciate it. He reminded me that that's how he is, and that he likes doing it. (On our beach day, when I showed up at his place and realized I'd forgotten to eat breakfast, he made me pancakes.)

I also told him that because of our tentative plans for Saturday, I'd been reluctant to ask him to do lunch today because I didn't want him to feel like I was too in his face. He shook his head and said, "We can go to that flea market my friend and I were going to go to, if the weather's good, and if not, we'll find something else."

So...apparently he doesn't have a problem with seeing me twice in one week. We have almost-definite plans to get together Saturday during the day, and then again that night at Ash's party. He said he thinks he's going to a housewarming party for one of his band members in between but won't be there for more than an hour or two.

I'm way into the NRE with him. I recognize this. We had that major bump a week or so ago, though I fully own that a large part of that was my own mind fucking with me. And other than that...every time we're together, I feel more confident about us.

He spent an entire day with me Friday and opened up to me about stress. Something he says he rarely does with anyone. He's been in touch every day since then because I brought up the not answering my texts thing.

He made me pancakes on Friday and made a sandwich for me today because he felt bad about not being able to buy me lunch.

He makes me feel special and wanted. Plain and simple. He does things for me because he wants to, and he sees me because he wants to. Even twice in the same week. He says things that imply that he thinks this is going to be a long-term thing.

This afternoon after I got home, he and I were in the chat room at the same time, and the woman who'd asked him to go camping asked if he was available to go hiking or kayaking with her this weekend.

I didn't even feel a twinge of jealousy. No fear that he would like her better than me. Not even a bit of worry that he might end up sleeping with her; if he does, good for him. And for her...he's pretty good at that. LOL.

But it didn't bother me. Not even a tiny bit. Especially when he told her, "I'm not sure. It would have to be Sunday." NOW, after our talk on Friday and a few things that have been said or implied since, I know that it doesn't matter who else he hooks up with, he isn't choosing them *instead* of me. At least not any time soon. It's part confidence, and part that I'm in a way better headspace than when the no-contact and camping trip thing happened. But I believe strongly that he's sticking around as part of my life for some time to come.
__________________
Me: 44, cis-het female, poly
Hubby: my husband, 42, monogamous
S2: my "attachment", male, 44, undetermined
Best Friend: male, 38, platonic; the one who keeps me sane through all this!
My daughters: Alt (age 19) and Country (age 16)
S2's sons: Spikes (age 9) and Beads (age 6)
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