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  #71  
Old 05-04-2014, 11:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post


I do not fear losing him over her. I feel oddly competitive, since she is so much like a 15 years younger version of myself, a stay at home mom of 3, a pagan, a dancer, creative and smart. Of course, I said, she is not my clone. She has qualities that make us different.

miss p gets such different things from her 2 current OSOs, than I can offer. Ginger however, seems to get much of the same things I offer, from his new "love." sigh....
I realize that one of the boons of poly is being able to get different needs met with different people rather than having one person try to be everything. Often then the various partners are different one from another.

But the thing of it is, Ginger loves you. And it seems logical to me that if he were to meet someone that is a lot like you, as apparently Carla is, it would be natural to love her too. How could he not?
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  #72  
Old 05-05-2014, 06:22 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Possible somebody already said something about this, but somehow there are lots of comments in the last day I don't have time to read at the moment.

Are you doing/sharing google calendars? When one of my partners schedules stuff, although I've asked him to let me know, he is pretty forgetful and more often than not, I see things on the calendar and ask him about it days before he gets around to saying anything. Not sure if he's willing to set up a calendar to share with you, but it can be helpful for that sort of thing.

I'm also not a fan of all the things happening at once. My newer partner has two dates scheduled soon that are probably going to include sex right next to each other, and my older non spousal partner is being pursued suddenly by somebody who's had her eye on him and will be meeting her for a first date sort of thing soon. If my husband was dating at the moment too, I am pretty sure I'd be retreating into a ball to deal with all the things.

I did want to say you are pointing again about how he needs all the partners. It's a balancing act, when I'm stressed it's hard to have my partners seek out more. I also always felt having four partners was too many, and when I suddenly did, I judged myself some and now I have three. I think the number is less importance than compatibility in meeting what we need in our lives, and it seemed like you were finding it easier to think about the number instead of your needs and if they were met. I think you have/had had three at least recently? Four isn't really some great jump, it's about doing justice to the connections you already have.

As I *know* some things bother me, I've clearly point out to my partners that although I'm pleased as punch to talk about their new interests, I don't want to talk about them after sex if it's a new interest. If I get to know and like or feel comfy with a metamour I'll start bringing them up at that point so it becomes a part of rambling conversation, but otherwise I expect to be post coital cuddling to be about them and me and not wandering to other pastures out loud.

Hmm looks like some game changing stuff happened if I scroll down and see the most recent posts, maybe this is all irrelevant but I felt all talky tonight.
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Last edited by Anneintherain; 05-05-2014 at 07:23 AM.
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  #73  
Old 05-05-2014, 12:35 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Well, he came over and we made up!

He apologized over and over again for telling them about my threads here. He sees that was a big mistake.

Then we talked over the recent developments, David's bright idea to have a 3some as a solution to his jealousy... and also his bi-curiosity. Ginger told me his first reaction to David's suggestion was that he felt like he was a piece of meat. He was even crying (in a manly, tears leaking but no sobbing way) on and off for the first hour or so of our conversation. He was all jumpy and upset. I just kinda sat back, listened, and let him vent. He's in a pickle.

Carla wants to have their next date, and wants sexy time, before Ginger's operation on the 12th, which will have him out of commission sexually for a few weeks. But the way David is struggling, and the obvious unreadiness of these newbies, has Ginger saying that date as a deadline is way too soon. He plans to let them know that today, I think.

Meanwhile during this talk, miss pixi was getting ready to go out to spend the night at her friend's place. He came to pick her up and Ginger got to meet her good friend for the first time, which was nice.

Then we were alone, and the brunt of the hard talks were out of the way and we had a great bonding night, all to ourselves. Rarely happens we are all alone in the house. We had several sessions of great make up sex, he added some steering fluid to my van (it's leaky), we cooked and ate dinner, listened to records, and ended up watching some Cosmos on our big TV.

Obviously the idea of Ginger not telling me much about this developing relationship is not working out. LOL. He needed to tell me a lot because he is so overwhelmed and stressed by the whole thing now. But I was glad we got that hard talk and the tears out of the way so we could then just concentrate on us, and doing the things we like to do for the rest of the evening.

I think we made some good progress and I almost feel these shenanigans are now bringing us closer together. I feel valued again. Also I feel a little pleasant tinge of "I told you so," heh.
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me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
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  #74  
Old 05-06-2014, 02:19 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Still feeling calmer, but there are updates.

David and Carla had their first couples counseling session today, according to Ginger.

Ginger and Carla have an in public, "walk and talk" date now set for Thursday.

They had had a tentative plan to meet at this week's drum circle, be together there, and have her come to his place after. I think that is not going to happen now. At least the idea of her coming back home with him afterward. But it sounds like they will be dancing together... I wonder if David will go to keep an eye on them?

Naturally, I will not be going, I don't think I'd have fun feeling like a 3rd wheel.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32

Last edited by Magdlyn; 05-06-2014 at 11:10 AM.
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  #75  
Old 05-06-2014, 05:47 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Seeing as commentary has dried up, I am going to continue to update on my blog here http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...675#post266675 unless and until I get desperate again. Thanks everyone for talking me off the ledge!
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
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