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  #11  
Old 04-26-2014, 03:42 PM
scarletzinnia scarletzinnia is offline
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Multiple users told me to ignore london ages ago, and I didn't, but her negativity and hostilty (which I don't understand since I certainly don't know her personally) has proven a bit much for me, so I just did.

For those of you who don't know how this works, you just go to the User CP tab in the upper left-hand corner, go to "Settings and Options," then click on "Edit Ignore List." From there you can add a name to your list. Once you do so, they can comment on your posts but you won't be able to see their comments. So it works best to only do this to people when you don't give a crap what they have to say.
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  #12  
Old 04-26-2014, 04:09 PM
TiagodaCruz TiagodaCruz is offline
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Thumbs down Don't... but in the end its up to you

Hi...

Honestly I understand... I would also worry that a friend might get hurt. But even if I am not contemplating any subconscious processes that might be driving your thoughts, beyond those of simple affection - not wanting a friend to get hurt because you will feel his pain or his grief will affect you - (this is my concept of altruism - I am sorry if it is disturbing, but at least it is very honest and straightforward) I would avoid interfering.

If you are friends with him (I have a hard time with the notion or property when it comes to people - like in "his" friend) then you will be ready to help him if he gets hurt... but to relay information of which you are not sure of just because they might be right and they might be hurtful for him in the future feels kind off like the USA making war against Iraq because of mass destruction weapons that never existed after all and that, having existed, might never have been used...

In the end, because this might not be correct, you might even ruin your friendship (or at least scar it) with no need... Don't... but in the end its up to you
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  #13  
Old 04-26-2014, 04:19 PM
scarletzinnia scarletzinnia is offline
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Thanks, Kevin, for your support. I hadn't really thought about this being a potential learning experience for Sam, but I suppose it will be if things go as badly as I suspect they will. That is something anyway.

AlwaysGrowing, I don't think Bill is even aware that I am friendly with Sam, so I don't think he was trying to sabotage Sam and Lisa by sharing what he shared with me.

Galagirl, I did ask Bill how he is handling Lisa being celibate. He said it is very hard for him. But he loves her, so he sticks with the relationship even though he isn't getting some of his needs met. Fortunately for him, he does have two other loving relationships where I believe he does get those needs met. This is one of the things I like about polyamory.
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  #14  
Old 04-26-2014, 04:46 PM
london london is offline
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Many people said the very same as me yet the OP chose to only be offended by me. Weird.
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  #15  
Old 04-26-2014, 05:01 PM
TiagodaCruz TiagodaCruz is offline
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Smile Nice

So... I thinks lost some of it in the middle, probably.

I am happy to see things seem to be moving on. Poly is great because certain self imposed responsibilities stop existing and there is less suffering from those...

Perhaps it is something in the way you express yourself, london, the tone, the words used and not so much the contents? I don't know... just shooting in the dark here.

Anyway, scarletzinnia, I hope things work out well.

Cheers and much love
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  #16  
Old 04-26-2014, 05:08 PM
london london is offline
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Probably due to my absolute refusal to enable or validate harmful, intrusive and/or oppressive behaviours. Personally, I feel "butt out" and "mind your own business" to be a little on the harsh side, but the OP obviously sees it differently.

Either way, I hope she leaves them alone to enjoy whatever relationship they want to have. The realist in me knows that she won't.
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  #17  
Old 04-26-2014, 05:14 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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London you make valid points the problem is you refuse to consider other positions can be plausible or valid.

You have a very it is my way or the highway type attitude and have no clue when to step away and just agree to disagree. You tend to come across as trying to brow beat someone to accept your view point.
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  #18  
Old 04-26-2014, 06:08 PM
london london is offline
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I could just as much say the same about other people who care more about saying why they think I'm wrong than sharing their opinions of the Op. Most threads outline a situation and ask for opinions. I find it bizarre when someone asks me to interpret a situation and give my thoughts on it and then they proceed to tell me that what I think about that situation is wrong. How can it be wrong? It's my thoughts on that situation. It only leads me to believe that what people generally want are opinions that validate the Op's position (and often general consensus too) and I can't promise to do that.

However, in this thread, I gave one comment amongst many similar ones and that post was highlighted by the OP. I can only assume that it's because I have proven not to be the source of validation she seeks and she finds that, in itself, antagonistic.
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  #19  
Old 04-26-2014, 06:32 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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See to me *"]think you starting this thread is indicative of your greater need to control everyone and everything" sound more like a Personal attack than sharing your opinion what she should do.
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  #20  
Old 04-26-2014, 06:40 PM
london london is offline
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Because she knows how I'd answer her question about what she should do. Butt out. The only difference in this thread is that mostly everyone agrees. I did mention that she would know my answer and I do believe that the reason she has to ask this is because she does have a propensity to control other people. That's what I've gathered from what she has said elsewhere. I've said it there too and I'm simply highlighting that this thread is another example of that. As I said, the only difference is that other people agree that not butting out and/or finding it overly difficult to allow others to have their own relationships (and make their own mistakes) is a problematic behaviour.
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