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  #11  
Old 04-29-2014, 04:59 PM
AlbertaRaven AlbertaRaven is offline
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Default Today

Leda and Jack broke up at Christmas. Leda finally got sick of his terrible temper and drinking problem. Their poly never quite worked properly because he is an awfully jealous person, and couldn't manage to tell the truth about who he slept with. I feel bad for him because he thought Leda was his one-and-only, but they are trying to be friends. I think they're better as friends.

I get to see James tonight. Heís done work at 9:00 and I go to bed around 10:30 so itís a short visit. In the last couple weeks Iíve been going to bed and leaving him to play Mario Kart with Leda, but thatís not going to work anymore because she feels obliged to entertain him and doesnít want to. Fair enough, I say, so Iíll have to kick him out when I go to bed.

James and I have an extraordinarily healthy thing going. Communication is naturally easy between us, luckily, and every time I check in with him weíre on the same page. Enjoying the non-monogamy thing, enjoying seeing each other regularly. Weíve gotten close enough to share personal issues, more than just venting. Iíve cried in front of him and vice-versa. I definitely love him as a friend. Wouldnít quite say that Iím ďin loveĒ with him, though. Something is holding me back from fully getting there. I might not ever fall; his life situation is not great, although heís got a great attitude about it. I donít think Iím being judgmental when I assume that the disparity in our life situations would make for trouble if we were to commit--although it works just fine now so who knows? Maybe I am being judgmental and donít want to commit to a dude in his shoes?

I wonder if I can fall in love with someone to whom Iím not committed? Oh duh I just realized that I know the answer to that: yes. Iím in love with Elemental. I have no attachments to that, they were wiped completely away by end of the Triad. Itís a very nice being in love, thereís no expectations, no promises, no certainties of any kind. I donít care if heís ďin loveĒ back, although I know he does love me as a pal. I am comfortable and it feels very sweet to have that love in my life.

HmmÖI was going to write more about my day-to-day life. Oh well! More general musings for all!
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  #12  
Old 04-29-2014, 08:51 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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So you're not in love with James? I'm curious whether he's in love with you?

So you're in love with Elemental? whereas he just loves you as a pal, is that right?

So, you and Leda live together? Just platonic friends, not romantic friends?

Today's post was brought to you by the letter "question mark."
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  #13  
Old 04-29-2014, 10:39 PM
AlbertaRaven AlbertaRaven is offline
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Default My favourite letter is question mark

From what I can figure, James feels about the same towards me, but for different reasons. I think he's hesitant about love for some reason. I've never asked him, have been assuming that it's because he's not ready, or because we're not committed. Also, not everyone falls in love with me. Could be simply that he doesn't think we're compatible in an "in love" kind of way. Doesn't really matter right now.

As for Elemental, I'm pretty sure he loves me as a pal and am unsure about anything beyond that. Like I said, it doesn't matter to me right now. It might matter if we lived anywhere near each other. I'm in love with him, yep, and it's great.

Leda and I are platonic friends. I'm not "into" her, and she's not into ladies, period.
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  #14  
Old 04-30-2014, 12:17 AM
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Okay, that makes sense.

When two guys almost seem to like each other too much, it's called a bromance. What's it called if it's two gals?

Darn it, I must invent a catchy word for it.
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  #15  
Old 04-30-2014, 05:26 PM
AlbertaRaven AlbertaRaven is offline
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Default Successful Poly

When I first started reading these forums I assumed that everyone doing poly is ďevolvedĒ, more self-aware, better at communication, and more knowledgeable about what personal and relationship growth looks like. Well obviously I was wrong about that because there are people of all sorts doing poly, just like there are people of all sorts doing monogamy. In fact, I think there are less differences between mono and poly relationships than it seems at first. Both mono and poly people cheat. Both lie and behave badly. Both can be extremely self-aware or not. Emotionally speaking, I think that mature people are found in both the mono world and the poly world.

Am I making sense right now? This is a bit stream of consciousnessÖ

From writing the above I see that I value emotional maturity most of any quality right now. That also explains why Iím eager to show that Iíve made few mistakes in poly, because I want to prove that Iím mature. I think mature people do relationships well, or, in other words, ďemotionally matureĒ means to me that one is self-aware, willing to learn and grow, a good communicator, and open and honest. I want to be that; I think Iím getting there.

Cinder told me a few times that Iím immature and I can see why she said it, although it hurt. I was behaving and do sometimes behave immaturely, emotionally speaking. (I am definitely immature in other ways, like enjoying silly jokes and games, and enjoying feeling young. I hope that those things donít detract from my serious grownuphood and growing emotional maturity.)
I think what Cinder said was partially accurate and thatís another reason why I value emotional maturity so much: because Iím trying to prove that she was wrong about me. Not the most mature thing about me, I know. If I was completely mature I wouldn't feel the need to prove myself, right? Hmmmmm...
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  #16  
Old 04-30-2014, 05:29 PM
AlbertaRaven AlbertaRaven is offline
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Default Last Night

Last night I got to see James. After talking with Leda and finding out that she was feeling pressured by Jamesí presence, I told her I wouldnít leave her alone to entertain James after I went to bed. Completely fair, I say, and I am so glad she said something instead of keeping it to herself! Anyway, it means that our visits on Mondays and Tuesdays will end with him tucking me in and leaving around 10:30 or 11. Itís early for him and means we only get to hang for an hour or two, but itís better than nothing. Itíll improve when he gets his own place.

I decided on my way to work that I want to make a bit more effort to do sexy things with James. So: blowjobs on Mondays and Tuesdays. Iím always tired but itíll be worth it.

That reminds me of this blowjob I gave him once. Weíd gotten home from the Swingersí Club and heíd already come thrice that evening. He asked me for a bj (awesomeóI want him to be more assertive and even demanding) and I gave him one while he was smoking. This is a particular fantasy of his. Anyway, after finishing he fell over onto the floor. Like, actually. His knees buckled! I had a great laugh at him laying prostrate, moving weakly. I obviously also took it as a great compliment to my skills

Moral of the story: giving James blowjobs is fun for Raven. I apparently also like talking about them! Where else could I do so but here? Thanks, forums
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  #17  
Old 04-30-2014, 05:50 PM
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That's what your blog is for.

I agree that there are plenty of "not-so-with-it polyamorists," I have been one myself (and only hope I'm doing better).

Who's Cinder by the way?
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  #18  
Old 04-30-2014, 07:06 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlbertaRaven View Post
Moral of the story: giving James blowjobs is fun for Raven. I apparently also like talking about them! Where else could I do so but here? Thanks, forums
If I wasn't at work I'd be on the floor laughing! Keep up all the details, I love it!
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  #19  
Old 04-30-2014, 07:20 PM
copperhead copperhead is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlbertaRaven View Post
Am I making sense right now? This is a bit stream of consciousnessÖ
Yes

And I'm eagerly waiting to hear how your horror story goes I have a feeling there'll be a lesson for me to learn from it.
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  #20  
Old 05-01-2014, 04:00 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Who's Cinder by the way?
Cinder is Elemental's ex.
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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