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  #41  
Old 04-27-2014, 01:11 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Re (from MelinaJ):
Quote:
"I did ask Dan to simply let me compromise by just seeing Joe once per month in that study period but he objects to that."
Hmmm. Still it sounds to me like a reasonable compromise and so, at the moment my vote would be to tell Dan, "Well, I'm afraid I'm going to see Joe once per month during the study period. I hope you'll be willing to accept that compromise, but with or without your blessing it's what I intend to do."

The only other way to look at it is this. Is your relationship with Dan more important to you than your relationship with Joe? and is Dan going to break up with you if you fail to adhere to his wishes? If the answers are yes and yes, then you should probably plan on losing Joe (though you should still explain the situation to Joe and let him decide whether to resume relations with you after the study period). In other words, don't risk defying any of Dan's wishes unless you are okay with the possibility of losing Dan.

You could tell Dan, "I'll do as you ask this time. But I hope you're not planning to make a habit of this kind of thing."

On the other hand, everyone else that's posted here so far has a point too.
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  #42  
Old 04-27-2014, 07:50 PM
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Ok-so question OP,

Because I don't think anything is ever black and white.

Dan wants no dating during this 2 month period.

WHAT exactly does this mean?
Because *to me* no dating means "not going out on a date".
Which is vastly different than "no contact".

I think some very explicit, detailed explanation of the concrete actions he's asking for would be helpful (maybe for you as well if that hasn't been done).

If my partner asked me for no dating for two months during a very stressful time, I would have no issue, except maybe rolling my eyes that they had to ask, because they should know that if it's that stressful I'm going to minimize additional stress for ALL of us.
But no contact would be a no-go. I wouldn't agree to taking away my own support system during a stressful time.

AND

if it's stressful for one partner, it is stressful for the other almost by default. It may be stressful for a different reason, but it's still stressful.

It really sounds like there is a serious underlying issue going on that isn't clearly stated in this thread.

I DO think that changing the dynamic of a relationship isn't a "6 months and it's a go" thing when one partner isn't ready for the change. Either you go at the slowest persons pace or you terminate the relationship because it's currently incompatible.
But rushing forward is only a form of terminating the relationship (usually more dramatically with more fireworks and debris).
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  #43  
Old 04-27-2014, 08:07 PM
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True LR, true.

Shouldn't be anything wrong with at least keeping in touch with Joe periodically ... am I wrong?
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