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  #11  
Old 04-27-2014, 09:57 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Hd? Ld?
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #12  
Old 04-27-2014, 10:18 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Heh ...
  • HD = High Desire?
  • LD = Low Desire?
[shrug]
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  #13  
Old 04-28-2014, 01:00 AM
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Smiles Smiles is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Heh ...
  • HD = High Desire?
  • LD = Low Desire?
[shrug]
Or

High (sex) Drive
Low (sex) Drive
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  #14  
Old 04-28-2014, 01:07 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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D'oh! I knew it was drive. Stupid memory banks.
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  #15  
Old 04-28-2014, 05:03 AM
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PhilosophicallyLost PhilosophicallyLost is offline
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Thanks for all your comments! This helped put some things into perspective. I really like to bounce ideas off like-minded folk such as yourselves. =)

@Schrodingers: I do think for my husband he perceives it as him loving another gal would be unloving me somehow. I think he's accepted that I love him very much, otherwise we wouldn't still be together.

@Nycindie: I have told Y very clearly that he's free to pursue the same freedoms I want for myself. We even dabbled with him sorta dating this one chick, and I dealt with it relatively okay. However she screwed him over, he claimed he understood me a little better through the experience, and he has not tried the like since. He just really doesn't want to date any other gals and has said as much when I tease him about it. Which is fine, as it is his choice. I just don't like the implication that he is somehow being more righteous in the choice than I am.

@kdt: We did start out monogamously. I frankly did not know what I wanted when I got married, and I hold a lot of blame and responsibility for that. I fell in love with his best friend. I told Y that I did not think I was cut out for the monogamy thing, and that in my ideal world I would live in a polyamorous marriage, because I still loved my husband. We have tried to work with it, with some victories and tribulations. I have asked him very seriously about two or three times over the two years if the choice to stay with me was ultimately doing a disservice to Y, and Y has insisted on sticking it out. I am happy to report his jealousy spells have been far less frequent since the new year, so it's certainly not been easy, but I think we are meshing better with it now.

LD and HD was a new term to me until now. I do agree it can pose its own challenges to a relationship, and changes over a lifetime.

I generally agree that some people have different beliefs (mono vs poly), and that is probably an accurate representation of what my situation is. I guess I get frustrated because I badly want to advance poly as a discussion point for society, and realize I have a way to go right at home, much less outside it.
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Me: K, female, 27. Married to Y for over 4 yrs (male, monogamous, 33). Opened relationship to E (male, monogamous, 27) in a relationship vee.
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  #16  
Old 04-28-2014, 10:54 PM
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Monogamy-centric doctrine will be with us for a long time. Part of that doctrine is that romantic love is a scarce/limited resource. In order to give some romantic love to one partner, you have to give less romantic love to another partner. More to the point, monogamy-centric doctrine teaches that each of us only contains enough romantic love to suffice for one other person.

A point that must be granted to the monogamy-centric people is that each added partner does result in a smaller amount of time and energy that will be available to each partner. Every polyamorist has a maximum number of partners they can maintain without shortchanging one or more partners in terms of time and energy. And for some people ... that maximum number is one.

Anyway, talking about polyamory on this forum does help advance the cause of polyamory, even if your husband is slow to come around to your side of the argument. And it sounds to me like there's hope that he will come around, in due time. So keep a hopeful spirit!
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