Poll-Have you come out (as poly)

Have you come out as poly

  • No and I don't plan to

    Votes: 4 20.0%
  • No but I hope to soon

    Votes: 2 10.0%
  • Yes, I did straight away

    Votes: 8 40.0%
  • Yes, I did after 6 months of my first poly relationship

    Votes: 6 30.0%
  • Yes , I did after 12 months of my first poly relationship

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Yes, I did , after a fair bit longer

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    20

sweetersong

New member
I can see there is threads on advice for coming out, and experiences, but just wanted to gauge numbers (partly personally, partly being nosey.

For now it will just be very close friends that know about our situation (I have told one best friend, and I plan to talk to another tomorrow). If and when I become serious with someone, I hope to work out with my husband whether to share this information with family, and if so, who.

If it was just me to consider, I would be out and proud, but my husband is (at least for now, most likely will stay that way) mono, and I know he won't feel comfortable with family knowing that I am seeing other people, even if it is a woman, so for now it will just stay with close friends.
 
I was a poly teen. My first husband had a girlfriend and we came out from the start. My boyfriend is a co-worker of mine so everyone I know at work know I'm poly
 
I came out within a month to my friends, my extended family around 6 months. So I was out 100% at 6 months. It just became intolerable to me that I had to keep my loves and my life a secret.
 
This poll is a bit vague. "Being out" has different levels. To me, it's not 100% out unless you are as free with the poly relationship as a monogamous; in other words, freely attending work/family functions with the various partners; posting on Facebook; casually mentioning when someone asks you if you're engaged yet, Oh, I have two boyfriends, actually.

I have slowly extended my "closet" to more and more trusted friends and family.

But it's hard for me to give a simple answer to, "Have you come out?" To some, yes, the first day. To others, after a month, or six months, or two years. For some, I don't ever plan to tell.

Fully coming out to me will be when I'm not worried about retribution against myself or the others involved.
 
I see what you mean PiP. I think in my head I meant out to most day to day people (ie immediately family, friends, work colleagues), but I can see how it is vague too. It is hard to quantify in such poll options.
 
I can't really say Yes or No, so I didn't vote. Personally, I don't go announcing what I do or how I live because I'm a very private person (for example, it's a pet peeve of mine when co-workers ask me what I did on my days off - it's my private time away from work and irrelevant to people I work with so I'd rather they leave me the fuck alone and just focus on what we have ahead of us). However, if people do ask me specifics about my relationships, I would tell them. I don't really celebrate most holidays and rarely ever get invited to events like weddings and such (I actually haven't been to a wedding in at least 10 years), so being "out there" in public situations like that is really not an issue for me. BTW, I am a solo poly, so my relationships are all separate and I live alone.
 
Oh, and to further complicate, it started out as an open relationship, not poly. It evolved from a physical fling to something we both wanted to be a romantic relationship. So, when does "Day One" start? Day One from realizing I was poly? Took me about six months to adjust to the idea-- just for myself! Once he and I had an "official" talk; I told people within a week.

Sigh...being poly can make even questions like, "When was your first date"? a little complicated....
 
I just live my life...

If people are curious they will ask.
 
For me it is also a complicated answer. I have friends that are also poly that I can talk openly about which is great. However my family is very conservative Christian and I have no desire to ever tell them, as I know they would not be understanding at all. My parents have actually met my bf several times, and they think he is a great guy, but then again, they see him as my good friend, not as the dude dating their married daughter.
 
We all live together and everyone knows.
Our kids, nieces, nephews, grandkids and friends kids.
Classmates, coworkers etc.
Out on fb, in person. Not unusual for bf to drop me at school and dh to pick me up.
We don't hide or keep secrets about that.
 
Nate mom knows we are poly but he's not super close with his out of state relatives. He's not scared to say anything, He's pretty open on Facebook (his uncle is also poly) but he spelled it out ti anyone but friends because it just hasn't come up. He hasn't had a substantial relationship with anyone and I doubt there would ever be an occasion that he'd take another partner ti Chicago.

Sam has told all his friends and family. I've met his mom and siblings. If the aren't cool with it they haven't let on. Mom had some reservations (concerns about him getting hurt, no kids etc) but I to heraabout it.
 
well, telling a second friend today went a lot easier than expected. I casually brought the subject up, and she was like "oh, polyamory", and I was shocked she knew about it, but apparently quite a few of her friends are polyamorous so it's nothing knew to her
 
I don't hide it, but I don't shout it from the rooftops. I refer to Auto as "my girlfriend" any time I'm talking about her, and I let people come to their own conclusions. I've brought her to the research group xmas party, but none of the couples there were being very touchy-feely so I followed the tone set by the hosts.

All my friends know, my mom knows explicitly, and I think my dad's figured it out because he reads my blog. But my dad and I never have been big talkers, so I've never had an elaborate coming out ceremony or anything. When my mom told him I was bi, his response was "Yeah I figured that out already. So do you need the car on Saturday?" type of thing.

I've dropped subtle and not-so-subtle hints in my research group, but I am considering explicitly coming out to one of the other students. We've had a lot of cool conversations, she's from Iran but very rebellious of the "official" attitude over there. She's really open-minded so I don't think she would judge, but I just haven't found a good opportunity to work it into the conversation without it being an awkward topic change. I'd want to just work it in naturally.
 
Not yet...

The kids know.

Close family must suspect something because we haven't been very careful lately. It's only a matter of time but its not something we care too much about.

Outside of close family we wish to keep it private.

~S
 
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I've gotten to a place where I don't come out for almost anything unless someone asks or it seems necessary. If people make assumptions about me, then I'll correct them and it can lead to good interesting conversations.

The only ones I'm actively closeted to, about anything -- and indeed, probably almost everything -- are the inlaws. Primarily because my mother-in-law is also our landlady, and until that's changed (and it will change, eventually), I don't want to risk offending her sensibilities so much she evicts us. My MIL and FIL are exceedingly conservative.
 
I love MIL stories. I used to always think they were exaggerated for the purpose of dramatic effect in TV and movies. Then I got some of my own. Nope. They really are that crazy.

It's really interesting how far the apple can fall from the tree, sometimes.
 
lmao. Point, PiP.

My metamour isn't too bad. He gets jealous sometimes, but he's good about owning it and dealing with it. He doesn't try to place restrictions or anything. Sometimes his anxiety can interfere with our plans, but I knew about that when I signed up, so I don't let it get me down.

My paramour relationship is the one that weirds me out, he's in my professional sphere. It's just bizarre to see someone in a presentation one day, and cuddling on the couch with my girlfriend's husband the next. I'm not very good at blending worlds.
 
I didn't check off anything in the poll because it depends on what you mean by "out"...

My 18-year-old kiddo knows I'm poly and that Guy is my boyfriend and not just a "friend of the family", which is how Kiddo and their sister (pronouns with Kiddo are an iffy thing; I go by "their" so I don't use the wrong gender) were initially introduced to him. I only came out to Kiddo after my trip to visit Guy was settled, though. (So about 2 weeks ago.) They're completely cool with it and wishes Guy could live closer to us. On the other hand, the sister, Younger, has not been told, partly because I'm not sure she would fully understand and partly because I'm concerned she would tell her father (my ex), who would almost certainly use the situation as leverage to try to gain custody. I don't need that.

My best friend PIC (partner-in-crime) knows. Coming out to him as poly was a little nerve-wracking, but he knows Guy and me, and it was hard as hell having conversations with PIC without mentioning Guy. PIC took it totally in stride; he reads a lot of science fiction and fantasy, and while he's mono, polyamory makes sense to him on an intellectual level.

My mother knows and is somewhat opposed to it, but tries to be supportive and understanding. She sees that the situation makes me happy; she just worries it's going to screw up my marriage to Hubby. She's also forbidden me to tell my father because "He wouldn't understand", but I'm going to overrule her on that as soon as I have a chance to talk to my dad alone. My first introduction to the idea of polyamory was my dad's best friend and the friend's two boyfriends, all of whom lived together as a committed triad for over 20 years until dad's friend passed away. So somehow, I think my dad would get it.

A couple of friends who know the three of us suspect, but I haven't actually told them. While I've been visiting Guy the past couple of days, we've talked about how open we want to be, and have come to the decision that while we aren't going to say 'Hey, guess what, here's what's going on", we also aren't going to hide it. He's being cautious because his ex-wife has told him if she finds out he's in a relationship with *any* woman, she'll cut down how often he's able to see their son so "he won't get confused"... nothing like blackmail. But Guy doesn't want to completely hide our relationship either, so we're in the process of sorting that out.

For hubby's part, he's actively trying to keep his mother from finding out about the open part of our marriage, let alone about Guy, because his mother is very... set in her mind, let's say. She wouldn't understand and would be convinced we're heading to divorce court any second now. He isn't so concerned about his father, sister, and uncle (the relative he's closest to) finding out, but he isn't about to tell them.

Co-workers aren't an issue for either of us, really; hubby works with his dad and uncle, and there's only one other employee in the place, and I work for myself and occasionally do paperwork for the family business. Guy's coworkers don't care what he does as long as he does his job.
 
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We are out to friends. We are not out to family - although that is a possibility at some point (years I would imagine). We are not out to coworkers or the public at large (and won't be until I retire and if/when we are out to family).
 
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