Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 04-15-2014, 07:42 PM
andrewwitherspoon andrewwitherspoon is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Blackwood New Jersey
Posts: 7
Default My Wife Is Falling In Love

I think my wife is falling in love with her partner and I feel jealous. How should I handle this? I like the polyamor life and don't want to stop, I just feel like I may be losing her to him.

Thanks for any advice
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 04-15-2014, 07:43 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 518
Default

Poly is all about falling in love. Multiple loves. If you hate that part of it, what makes you even think you're poly?
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 04-15-2014, 07:49 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,022
Default

Could these links help?

http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/im...ed_10-6-10.pdf
http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/p.../jealousy.html

What are you thinking that inspires the jealous feelings? Could you change your thought pattern?

Do you need reassurance that you are important to her too? Could you ask for reassurance?

Could you remind yourself that feelings pass? Some are fun to feel (ex: happy) and some are less fun (ex: mad) but they all blow on through if you let it.

HTH!
Galagirl
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 04-15-2014, 07:50 PM
Spiritowl Spiritowl is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 27
Default

I agree. Because my husband is polysexual it's harder for him to understand the emotions between my lover and I. Especially if your wife's relationship is new it may feel like she is giving more attention to her guy. You should have an honest talk.

I say have an honest talk with her about your feelings. If you think she is not balancing her time ask her if you can do something to help her do that.

Do you have someone special apart from her?
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 04-15-2014, 07:53 PM
Spiritowl Spiritowl is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 27
Default

In my situation I am able to balance my time even despite very deep feelings and waves of just wanting to be with my lover instead of home cooking dinner for my husband.

I love my husband so much and honestly the grass seems 'greener' on either side of the 'fence' sometimes!

Balancing commitment and outside love is difficult. Perhaps a Frank talk on how committed your marriage is.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 04-15-2014, 08:11 PM
vanquish vanquish is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Montgomery, AL
Posts: 288
Default

First, follow the links that Gala gave you, as well as listen to her advice.

From my perspective, I have to ask myself: Am I unsure about our actual relationship or do I just not have enough going on in my own life?

To vastly oversimplify...

If it's that you're unsure about your relationship, figure out what you're afraid of losing and communicate with your partner about it. Are you worried about not getting enough time with them? Are you worried they won't be there in a critical moment? Are you worried that you're not fulfilling their needs? Really dig deep and express what you're afraid of with them. Hopefully they'll help you resolve those fears.

The flip side of this, and the one that I really had to own up to, is that sometimes the problem isn't that you're afraid of losing them, it's just that you don't have enough going on in your own life to fill the void while they're gone. If you're sitting a home, pining away while they're on a date, and have nothing to fill your own time with, it's very easy to have dreadful thoughts about problems with your relationship or fears about polyamory. But if you do have your own interests, goals, activities to round out your life, that's a much better situation to approach the new issues that come up with polyamory.

Some will say you should find your own new person. That works for some, but don't feel like you have to do that. There are lots of great poly relationships where one partner stays monogamous while the other is poly...or even both partners are poly, but one just doesn't have a partner at the moment. Everything doesn't always have to be equal and forcing it to be equal can be unhealthy and artificial.

I sincerely hope you feel better. Be healthy and the right result with come.
__________________
Me - male, 42, poly, straight, in a serious relationship with Audrey, also casually dating.

Audrey - female, 20, poly, pansexual, also casually dating.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 04-15-2014, 09:51 PM
andrewwitherspoon andrewwitherspoon is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Blackwood New Jersey
Posts: 7
Default Thanks for your responses

You have all given me some good info to think on. I she does spend a whole lot of time with him and I think that is the root of my issue. I will sit down with her and explore the issue with her, hopefully that will make my present issue clear out.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
fears, insecurities, jealous, jealousy, loving more, married and polyamorous

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:10 PM.