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  #21  
Old 04-03-2014, 03:01 AM
DaCoda DaCoda is offline
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Wow. I am totally impressed with the responses here.

I was not expecting such a vocal community.

I am not flirting with just anyone in the small town. A couple people caught my attention unexpectedly. As far as the future goes I'll be keeping quiet in the smaller town.

It seems like contradiction, but I am happy just being good friends if someone is not interested in poly. However, I'd prefer they be open to it and we be able to not have that limit. I plan to just live my life and do my part as if they are just a person and ignore the stigma or their professed religon. If they turn down my invitation at some point we will have found the limit on their involvement and I will be happy wherever that line gets drawn.

I think that not persuing monos would reduce my pool of possible friends and lovers. I just really thought it'd be a fun topic to discuss.

What is the conversion rate on mono to poly for those of you that have tried to approach of just plain fell for mono people?

Sorry for spelling errors. I sent this from my phone.
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  #22  
Old 04-03-2014, 03:08 AM
DaCoda DaCoda is offline
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Sorry to double post.

I dont use a dating service now. I may in the future but we (me and my fiancee) are kinda ramping up slowly. So for now I was just happy with the non relationship specific benefits of poly: not living a lie, being happy, no guilt, freedom, honesty, communication, and the occasional flirty friend. Then I bumped into an awesome chick that happens to fall under the devoulty mono umbrella.
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  #23  
Old 04-03-2014, 03:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaCoda View Post
What is the conversion rate on mono to poly for those of you that have tried to approach of just plain fell for mono people?
Well, I'm mono and my partner fell for me (and he's poly), but I don't think of myself as converted. Unless my slow descent into agnosticism has anything to do with it.

Are you just looking for a rate of success in finding a mono person to date/be in a relationship with a poly person? I'm not sure if that data exists.
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Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
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  #24  
Old 04-03-2014, 06:26 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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The "data" may exist on the forum, for someone interested enough to start searching threads and collecting it.
But it is definitely not compiled into a data set and thus not usable or quotable until such time as somone ops to do the dirt work of compiling it.

My bf is mono. But he hasnt "converted. He's simply accepted me for who i am. Dh was hard core mono and anti-open relationships. He's converted but not dating others at this time for his own personal reasons.
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  #25  
Old 04-06-2014, 07:37 PM
DaCoda DaCoda is offline
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Sorry to be away so long. I am in Florence with Sydney so I haven't been sitting at the computer much.

I've pretty much decided that I am going to just treat people right and let them limit our relationships instead of assuming a limit based on their preconceived lifestyle. I think that a mono partner might be a little wonkey for me though. If my fiancée and other people I love are all happy to share my time and attention and get some fulfillment from other partners then it seems easy to juggle. Someone that expects to just be with me and have all their needs solely met by me, if at all, might find themselves wanting someone that is not also making time for two or three other women on top of work, hobbies, and college. I don't see that as my concern though.

I also have decided that as of right now I agree with the theory that it is ok to keep news about poly quiet until a first date. Most people I know understand that people are not mono on a first date by the very nature of dating. So, that seems like a great way to avoid creeping people out and allows me to explain my lifestyle choice in person.
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  #26  
Old 04-06-2014, 11:39 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Honestly, I shy away from dating people that are not 1) Poly or 2) Openly poly friendly. Nothing wrong with that. But often people don't even KNOW what poly is, so perhaps it would be a good idea to look into dating people who are non-monogamous/respond positively if you tell them you're poly/etc? Something that would indicate they would be open to poly. I've gone to the kink community, simply to find others who were non-judgmental, and I found many who loved the idea of having multiple emotional, and not purely sexual, relationships; but didn't know it was even possible.
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  #27  
Old 04-07-2014, 04:34 AM
DaCoda DaCoda is offline
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Once I get settled down I think a more straight forward approach may be an option in some cases. As of right now me and Sydney are still car shopping and I'm looking for a job in my new location. I think that the approach might depend on the meeting circumstances.

Thanks for all your opinions and advice. I really appreciate it.
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  #28  
Old 04-07-2014, 02:01 PM
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Smiles Smiles is offline
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I m new to poly/open marriage. I seem to enjoy flirting more now than before. Most know that I am married. Some women flirt back as well. All in fun. Some of the women in my circle know I have an open marriage now... It did seem to change the friendships... Not necessarily for the better...being married, i think they saw me as "safe" It just may be my imagination.

So, I enjoy having female friends. I am taking things slow. I am not after a ONS... I want to wait for the right person, the right chemistry, and have that certain connection...One that may be around a while...That may not happen the way I would like...I can enjoy their company even though nothing develops...


What I am discovering is that I don't have enough time for another relationship...especially one who wants to spend alot of time with me...being a family man, mono or poly, I think a woman would have a hard time with that...
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  #29  
Old 04-07-2014, 06:09 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaCoda View Post
I also have decided that as of right now I agree with the theory that it is ok to keep news about poly quiet until a first date.
There are two issues that come to mind.

First would be honesty. I personally see no honesty conflicts with waiting to disclose something until you meet someone. Your life is your business and no one has a "right" to know things about you. But some people disagree with that, and it can raise potential conflicts. People can feel misled. My personal response to that is "tough poop" but just letting you know what to expect...

Second would be using your time and energy efficiently. I would anticipate that upon learning you're not single, a lot of people would lose interest immediately. Myself, I'd prefer to get that out of the way and save the time and energy of going out for coffee with someone who's not really available to me.
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  #30  
Old 04-07-2014, 07:48 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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I would be pretty pissed to get out on a date to discover someone intentionally hid the fact they were in a relationship. I think if it gets to the point you ask someone out, that is the point it should be disclosed, not while out on a date. That right there would be the end of the date for mw, even if I was cool with it. The dishonestly would be a major deal breaker
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