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  #11  
Old 04-02-2014, 04:53 PM
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RedPanda RedPanda is offline
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I successfully "dated" a monogamous girl once. We met at the climbing gym and just started hanging out platonically. Eventually the idea of other partners came up and she was like "I'm engaged but I like you! I don't want to stop hanging out!" and I was like "Well, if you want to take this further, I'm open to being poly" and that was my first official, discussed poly relationship.

She talked with her fiancÚ about it and he agreed that she could do whatever as long as it was healthy and safe.

Now, that was not deliberate at all - it was purely happenstance and natural progression. I also did not have another partner at the time.
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  #12  
Old 04-02-2014, 05:00 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I think most people (in certain age brackets or demographics, anyway) started out in mono relationships and discovered poly afterward, so I see nothiing wrong in letting your interest in a momogamous person be known.
that's pretty true. most of the people Nate dates were mono and i had quite a few mono men message me on okcupid that they were interested in me. i think it's a good deal for people who want to comfort of a relationship without doing all the heavy lifting. perfect for people who travel a lot
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  #13  
Old 04-02-2014, 06:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
Well if its a poly person who doesn't have a live in partner and doesn't plan on moving someone else in that would be an option. I won't date people who have live in partners or children.
Well that is hypocritical since YOU have a husband AND children at home but yet expect people to date you.
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  #14  
Old 04-02-2014, 06:27 PM
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I am in a successful relationship with a mono man. We Have been together 2 years and going very strong.
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40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #15  
Old 04-02-2014, 06:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
Well that is hypocritical since YOU have a husband AND children at home but yet expect people to date you.
Why is it hypocritical? It's just her preference. Perhaps she has enough on her plate with her own children and wants her other relationship(s) to be a kind of "vacation" from the kind of life she leads as wife and mommy. Certainly it's just easier to schedule time with someone who isn't partnered with kids. And maybe she doesn't "expect" anyone to date her but simply leaves the option open and hopes it will happen. We don't need to have all our partners to have identical lives.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #16  
Old 04-02-2014, 07:03 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
Well that is hypocritical since YOU have a husband AND children at home but yet expect people to date you.
Asymmetrical and hypocritical are not the same thing. I'm a straight female, I will not date females, but I expect whoever I date to be attracted to females and willing to date them - which I am not. Am I hypocritical? If so, all straight people are.

If her partners are also fine with that preference, then it's fine. Situations don't have to be symmetrical to be fair. While I don't share her preference, she's entitled to it as long as she's clear about it.
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  #17  
Old 04-02-2014, 08:04 PM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Why is it hypocritical? It's just her preference... We don't need to have all our partners to have identical lives.
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Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
Asymmetrical and hypocritical are not the same thing... While I don't share her preference, she's entitled to it as long as she's clear about it.
You're both absolutely correct of course, but in defense of Dag, I think it's possible to read a bit of "tone" in the way it was written. Of course that's a complete guess and assumption which is dangerous to do over the internet, but I can see where the thought came from.
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  #18  
Old 04-02-2014, 08:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
Well that is hypocritical since YOU have a husband AND children at home but yet expect people to date you.
Thats fine. I would not judge someone who didn't want to date me because of that. I generally can't host so going to someone else's house is necessary. I wouldn't feel comfortable going to someone elses house if they had kids and a partner living there.

Basically someone who didn't maintain their own residence wouldn't be able to meet my needs so that ia why I prefer men who have never been married or have kids

And honestly dealing with a metamore is not something im interested in.
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Last edited by Inyourendo; 04-02-2014 at 08:21 PM.
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  #19  
Old 04-02-2014, 08:54 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Originally Posted by Mya View Post
Only option? How about people who have other partners but don't view relationships hierarchically or single people who are open to multiple partners?
My partner has two primaries, and I fully intend on having at least two primary relationships in my life. I only date "secondaries" with the potential to become "primary" relationships.

So, yep, there are absolutely options
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  #20  
Old 04-02-2014, 11:44 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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FYI-
I didn't say I wouldn't date someone who was mono. That would be absurd since my boyfriend of 21 years-is mono.

BUT-I don't allow myself to get into a situation where there is someone who has the potential for being a potential partner-that doesn't know I am poly. They have to know I am poly and I have two partners who aren't going anywhere-or they are never ever going to be an option.

( I also won't date someone who has kids at home still )
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