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  #21  
Old 03-26-2014, 06:32 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vanquish View Post
I'm sorry. I guess I just don't see the point in taking a poll if there's no relatable information. Knowing other's bursting points doesn't tell you what's "normal" or really help work anything out about your own situation. At least to me. If it helps you, I hope you get what you need.
People ask lots of questions of which I don't see the point. If you don't want to participate, the polite response is to click the "back" button and ignore them. He specifically asked in the second person, not objectively, and he didn't say anything about "normal." He's just curious. Curiosity cannot be overrated. Anthropologists devote entire careers to asking questions about people that have no bearing on their own situation, but merely to gain knowledge.
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  #22  
Old 03-26-2014, 06:40 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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I have two partners. I'm pretty busy with grad school, so I don't imagine I'd have much time for anyone else right now. Plus I'm very introverted and I love my alone time, so I don't really want to see other people. Actually, I guess more my meaning of "not having time" is that "being by myself" takes up a lot of my time...

Although, I think a summer fling might be fun. Gralson's back to working on the road, so we're back to phone calls and every other weekend. Auto's getting into Con season for the summer (Zoffee has a business selling geeky stuff online and at cons), so she'll be really busy too. So I wouldn't mind finding someone who's into camping and hiking and stuff, and get out of the city a bit more this year.
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Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
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  #23  
Old 03-26-2014, 07:29 AM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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I currently have one live-in partner and one FWB. My ideal would be to have two "primary"-ish relationships (so my hubby and one more) that I spend multiple days a week with (2-3) and one "secondary"-ish with whom I would spend a day every week or every other - my current FWB definitely meets that desire so all I need to find is a boyfriend or girlfriend who wants to spend a couple of days a week with me.
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  #24  
Old 03-26-2014, 12:55 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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In an ideal world, I'd have my husband, a serious girlfriend, and maybe another guy (the girlfriend's hubby?) who is a FWB for doing non-vanilla stuff. So far, I have the husband, and just had a promising first date with a guy.


At one point, in my early twenties, I was juggling relationships with two couples, one of which was my primary relationship, the other couple was my secondary relationship, plus I generally had a male of my own on the side. I did not have much time or energy for anything but being a lover. In fact, that's pretty much all I did.
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  #25  
Old 03-26-2014, 01:54 PM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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While we're talking ideals, ideally I'd have M (my current partner) and one other gf who could be either kinky or not kinky. I have two extra rooms in my house so if they could contribute, they could even come live...when the timing was right.
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  #26  
Old 03-26-2014, 03:45 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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for me, two with my current set up. My husband and bf are pretty equal and I spend so much time with them I couldn't sustain anymore. Perhaps a FWB would be nice, but it would have to be someone who didn't mind it would be very occasional and casual. Maybe three if I weren't so deeply involved with my boyfriend, I could see having my hubs and two more casual secondaries.but im happy with what I have now
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  #27  
Old 03-26-2014, 04:18 PM
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I have two (equal) partners and one FWB that I see about once a month. I'm almost at my saturation point. I used to have three serious partners and back then I was definitely saturated. So maybe either two serious partners and two FWBs or three serious partners is my upper limit. But then again, it all depends how often you see them and how much you keep in contact.

I've been thinking about this subject recently, because I have a person in my life that I seem to be developing something with, but I don't think it can be anything more than FWB at the moment. I'm really weighing my capacity and whether it would be wise to start anything right now. But in the end I don't think I can really plan it, so we'll just see what happens.
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  #28  
Old 03-26-2014, 05:46 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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I think three fairly involved relationships would be my limit. The nature of the relationship wouldn't make much difference to me, I think. It wouldn't matter to me if that was three FWB relationships, 1 primary, 2 secondary, 2 primary, 1 secondary, all equal - whatever. It comes down to available time and energy for me. I strongly prefer to meet partners in person at least every other week so I think that is the number I can manage with my current schedule. But, I have yet to test this.
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  #29  
Old 03-27-2014, 06:16 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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I do find it an interesting topic too - I didn't really have an idea about what would polysaturate me before I found myself in a situation where it was an issue. It's also a topic of discussion because one of my partners said he thought his polysaturation rate was 2.5, two deep emotional and one more casual relationship, and from what I understand he has the two serious ones but is starting to date somebody else, and it just may be another serious one and I'm really keeping an eye out to see if this means downgrading our relationship time/attention wise.

Last year I had one marriage/live in partnership, one long term serious non entangled one date night a week relationship (which I figured couldn't go on for the rest of my life), and one new serious relationship which consisted of one weeknight and one all day long weekend date. I felt like I was at my limit for serious relationships. I was pleasantly full, but was open to having time to the right person for FWB, or a serious relationship if they had daytime hours free (I don't work, all partners work daytimes).

Then I went and met my metamour's partner and next thing I knew I had another deep relationship outside of business hours. There was a bunch of stressful and painful shuffling of priorities, because time wise I just couldn't maintain what I had and have more that was serious, and the new partner is really compatible as a friend as well as a partner, something lacking in my non-entangled relationship that I really craved.

I started seeing my non-entangled partner a bit less recently, and as we don't chat much via IM/email outside of dates, like I figured was likely the case, I am finding I can't maintain the strong emotional ties that way. So I am gauging my polysaturated level at either 3 serious relationship with perhaps one serious friend with very sporadic benefits, or 2 serious relationships with one or two FWB. I also know that I'd rather err on the side of less than more, because when things are stressful with one relationships, it impacts them all, and now I currently have 3 partners who are open to dating /just started dating people and all the incoming stimulus and change and uncertainty is more than I knew I wanted to get myself into, partners with full dance cards is my preference.

My husband and I have been having relationship things that make me feel less close to him for a whole year too, so while I am not 100% sure, I believe I won't feel stretched as thin if that stuff heals.

edit: My 3 time intensive relationship are feeling I am doing a good job being an attentive partner, and I think my non entangled partner thinks I am too, though there are still some awkward times acclimating when we see each other. It's fucking tiring sometimes though, and I am not finding I have as much time for introverted ME as I want. I am glad that going into the future I have a better idea what my limits are, although at this rate I don't think I can afford to even flirt with another human being lest I risk finding a serious relationship when I'm minding my own business.
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Last edited by Anneintherain; 03-27-2014 at 03:59 PM.
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  #30  
Old 03-29-2014, 12:28 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I have 2.5 partners.
Kip; I see once a week for a few hours.
Prof; 2 or more times a week, one mid week sleep over and some nights watching tv and hanging out.
And new partner hopefully will slot into alternate weekends, and the occasional mid-week. He is a full-time single dad, so has time constraints, as do I.
3 is definitely enough.
I like to see partner type people regularly, occasional FB, FWB or LD wouldn't work for me.
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