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  #21  
Old 03-21-2014, 05:17 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
Ive spent a good chunk of my life cohabitating with others but it was either them in my home or me in their home. The only time it felt equal was when we moved into a new space together and started from scratch. There is just a different dynamic (to me) when one enters another's space.
I am not sure I would have considered it before. I am not a fan of living with people unless I have control (landlord etc)..

This is a unique situation and one I am not sure I personally could repeat again. We have 4 people that generally mesh well. I am really not a very communal person.. haha
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  #22  
Old 03-22-2014, 04:01 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Very interesting, learn something new everyday.

To be more clear, are the families cohabiting in Alaska typically Russian immigrants? Or, did you mean, both families in Alaska & Russian immigrants live together.

Also, is there more to it than money? How did you know this? Haha, I am intrigued.

Thanks.
Depends upon where in Alaska-but cohabiting families is common enough I can easily name a dozen households I know of in our neighborhood. With the Russian's it's almost expected.

How do I know this-because I've lived here since 1978. It's OBVIOUS, you can't miss it if you live here.

My bf works for a company that often hires the Russians. They will all be at one phone number, because they all live together. Extended family doesn't move out or move on, they just build bigger space.

All about money, probably not. Probably also about family, keeping close to people who speak your language. Shrug
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  #23  
Old 03-22-2014, 04:05 AM
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I read this outloud to dh and bf,
Both laughed out loud.

Then DH said, "when you have a duplex adn there are 9 cars parked in front of one side and 5 more on the other side and about 15 kids regularly in the yard..."

The laughter continued (there is a duplex that is PRECISELY that just down the street from us and it just so happens it is owned by a large Russian "family" -I say "family" because it's all of the extended family as well).

We had another family that lived with us-several over the years actually. We're down to 5 people in our home. But at the highest there was 12 and 5 of those were adults.
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  #24  
Old 03-23-2014, 08:11 AM
Ryan3232 Ryan3232 is offline
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Youarehere,

I think with any living situation, a family or an individual needs to do whats right and most conscious of their needs/desires. Cohabitation is absolutely not for everyone, but for some, it is both a wise & sensible choice.

Ariakas

I learn something new everyday. I did not know that about BC, Canada. Interesting. In California, it seems like cohabitation should be a more utilized option. Finding feasible housing for lower-income families is very difficult in this state, so I think it is worth considering at a minimum.

Inyourendto

I understand your point about the dynamics of a couple/family owning a house and then welcoming in another individual/family. It is just not the same.

This might be a personal question, but have you and sam considered having a baby? If it is too personal, I apologize. Just wondering.

SchrodingersCat

I may have been a bit oversweeping with my generalization/characterization about poly people, but from my personal experiences, it seems like poly folks are more apt to moving away from the "traditional" and welcome new ideas with open arms. (Generally)

You are right, poly folks do not have to take up any more crusades, but cohabitation is a practical solution to a growing problem in some places. So it would not just be a crusade for the sake of crusading; rather, it actually has the potential to make a difference in the lives of people who might need a solution. I could give two craps about being an activist; however, I do care about helping those in need, especially families without a father and are vulnerable in every sense of the word. Cohabitation could make a difference to these families, and this is my primary interest in it. I am working with getting a nonprofit organization off the ground, and I think charity is a worthy cause that both poly folks and non poly folks should do. I can live my life just as peacefully while contributing my efforts to those with genuine needs.

Lovingradiance

Maybe I am just oblivous to the world lol, but I am still amazed by this trend in Alaska and with Russians. I was recently talking with a friend, who lives in Houston, Texas and he mentioned to me a cohabitation project called HAUS, ever heard of it? Just curious. I do not know much about it at the moment, but I am going to do some more research.

Additionally, haha 9 cars parked in front and 5 more on the side... Sounds like a trip. 12 people? Wow, pretty impressive. Was that very challenging?

Thanks.

Ryan
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  #25  
Old 03-23-2014, 08:25 AM
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Sam and I starting a family is on the table in a few years.
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  #26  
Old 03-23-2014, 01:44 PM
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The idea of a single-family-home is a relatively new idea, cooked up in more recent times, during and post-industrial revolution. Ironically, everyone considers the nuclear family to be 'traditional' today but that is far from the truth.

The majority of the world and the majority of history shows that human homes tend to be extended, multigenerational dwellings or some other form of cohabitation. Running a household with only 2 adults and however many children is going to be stressful. It can take 2 adults just to run a home without children!

From a strictly mathematical standpoint, it makes sense to have more than two adults in a home. More labor hours per day means more income and more homemaking and more childrearing.
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  #27  
Old 03-23-2014, 04:51 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Originally Posted by RedPanda View Post
The idea of a single-family-home is a relatively new idea, cooked up in more recent times, during and post-industrial revolution. Ironically, everyone considers the nuclear family to be 'traditional' today but that is far from the truth.

The majority of the world and the majority of history shows that human homes tend to be extended, multigenerational dwellings or some other form of cohabitation. Running a household with only 2 adults and however many children is going to be stressful. It can take 2 adults just to run a home without children!

From a strictly mathematical standpoint, it makes sense to have more than two adults in a home. More labor hours per day means more income and more homemaking and more childrearing.
This-it's still very true in Alaska.

Yes 12 people was challenging, but more because only 2 of the adults were working.
It is MUCH MUCH MUCH quieter around here now. I can't imagine trying to do college when we had everyone here. Where as there are hours now that I can sit in the living room working on homework and it's quieter than the library.
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  #28  
Old 03-23-2014, 09:09 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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If I was starting something from the ground-up, I would start with construction. Most "regular" houses are not made with multiple families in mind. There's one Master bedroom for The Parents, and smaller rooms for The Kids. A multi-family home would probably benefit from different sections, with lockable "wings" of bedrooms and bathrooms for each family, and a shared kitchen, a huge dining room, and probably additional recreation areas for people who want to do different activities. In that kitchen, you'd probably want a huge sectioned pantry, space for at least two refrigerators and probably a stand-alone freezer because stocking up when food's on sale is cheaper, and your primary motivation was cost.

You'd want to run it as an "all included" rental to avoid squabbes over who uses more electricity and water. If you wanted to get fancy, you could use social profiling to match people up according to interests and lifestyle, so that you don't end up with quiet introverts who like to read sharing a house with loud extroverts who want to have parties all the time. Pets vs no pets, families with young children vs child-free professionals, etc.

Then, for more space efficiency, you could put all of this in a shared neighborhood with communal playgrounds and yards. You could probably get the yardwork done by members of the community, as part of the agreement for living there.
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Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 03-23-2014 at 09:18 PM.
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  #29  
Old 03-23-2014, 11:32 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedPanda View Post
The idea of a single-family-home is a relatively new idea, cooked up in more recent times, during and post-industrial revolution. Ironically, everyone considers the nuclear family to be 'traditional' today but that is far from the truth.

The majority of the world and the majority of history shows that human homes tend to be extended, multigenerational dwellings or some other form of cohabitation. Running a household with only 2 adults and however many children is going to be stressful. It can take 2 adults just to run a home without children!

From a strictly mathematical standpoint, it makes sense to have more than two adults in a home. More labor hours per day means more income and more homemaking and more childrearing.
Absolutely. When my STBX and I visited his family in Northern Spain, all his relatives lived with their extended families. We never met anyone who lived on their own or had a house to themselves. His mother's cousin had three daughters, all married and each of them lived on their own floor of this 4-story- house with their families. I was surprised to learn that in Spain the husband takes the wife's surname and usually moves in with her and her parents. This was the year 2000, though for Americans it seems so 1940s.

Where I grew up, the suburbs, we had lots of Italian-American families in 2-family homes, with cousins and/or in-laws living with them. The inside joke was that you could always tell who was Italian because they had a second kitchen and pantry in the basement.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 03-23-2014 at 11:38 PM.
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  #30  
Old 03-24-2014, 12:13 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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And it's funny, because people in America are basically returning to that paradigm. It's like we're finally figuring out that each person owning their own house isn't really sustainable or economically feasible, something that people in the rest of the world have known for centuries if not millenia. But people here make such a big deal out of 25 year olds still living at home, like it's this big awful thing. And to be fair, when that 25 year old is still unemployed, letting their mom do all the cooking and cleaning, then sure, "grow up" is in order. But with the rising cost of tuition, housing, and basically life, along with the relative decrease in wages and scarcity of good paying jobs, it's not hard to see why so many people are doing it out of necessity.
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