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  #11  
Old 03-18-2014, 02:50 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post

@Dagferi, I'm not questioning your situation. But you're saying there was no issue when you and Murf decided to be husband and wife? Butch just said, oh, that's cool? And your friends and family? I mean, that sounds pretty awesome. Just didn't expect to get that response.

Nope there was no issue. Butch is the one who one day said you know you have 2 husbands. He just is happy for me.

I really don't give a damn what friends and family think. They either accept it our not. Those who don't like it do not need to be apart of my life.
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40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #12  
Old 03-18-2014, 08:47 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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I wouldn't call both my guys husband, cause im only married to one. but having them both as primaries just kind of happened...and thye both know. J and I discussed, he became comfortable...they both know id like to live closer
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  #13  
Old 03-19-2014, 12:12 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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I think I have a lame metamour
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  #14  
Old 03-19-2014, 02:04 AM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Nate has told me that he feels like sam is taking a second husband role and has jokingly called me his " time share wife". Sam bought a ring that he wears in his ring finger and we've talked of having a child when im done with school. Ita been fairly new but I've known sam a couple years and we have this amazing connection. We had a very condensed first 6 weeks where he spent fri evening to tue morning with me while nate was away. I know that I want to be with him forever and live with him part time until the day he moves in here (which wont be for 3+ years but nate is fine with that)
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  #15  
Old 03-19-2014, 02:09 AM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Nate and I never dated. We pretty much got a place together a week after we met
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  #16  
Old 03-19-2014, 03:53 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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I've got a gf, miss pixi. We commuted between cities 20 miles apart for 4 years before we took the plunge of moving in together last May.

I've got a bf, Ginger. He lives near our new house, in his house, with his wife of 25 years. He kind of feels like our "husband." miss p loves him too but isn't in love, it's more a FWB thing. What makes him feel more spouse-like is how, now that he's only 5 miles away, we (or at least I) see him about every other day. Also his main love language (besides sex) is acts of service, so he's always helping us with home maintenance chores we have difficulty doing.

What do you mean, you have a "lame metamour"?
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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  #17  
Old 03-19-2014, 07:29 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
What do you mean, you have a "lame metamour"?
According to responses on this thread, most partners are totally cool with their metamours wanting wedding ceremonies or children or life time entanglements with their partner....

Mine, well, let's just say she's not going to be thrilled....
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  #18  
Old 03-19-2014, 08:45 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is online now
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Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
According to responses on this thread, most partners are totally cool with their metamours wanting wedding ceremonies or children or life time entanglements with their partner....

Mine, well, let's just say she's not going to be thrilled....
I guess it kind of depends where everyone is in life.

Chops, Xena, and I are in our 40s... done with children (I have two, he has two, she has none), and have our own various independent streaks. He and Xena have handfasted, and he and I have done the same.

If Xena suddenly decided she wanted children and Chops agreed, I'd bow out of the relationship. The amount of time a child requires would impact my relationship with Chops enough that, for me, it would be unsustainable.

If Chops met someone else and wanted another lifelong entanglement, I'd probably bow out as well, because again, the amount of time left for us would leave our partnership unsustainable (for me).

If your metamour is resistant to you having a closer entanglement with your partner, it'd be best to understand why. What is she afraid of losing? Figuring out the reasons why would help determine if it's workable or not.
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids, two cats, one house with many projects.
Chops: My partner of ~3 years. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

My navel-gazing blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
My slightly more polished blog (external): From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #19  
Old 03-19-2014, 08:52 PM
polybynature polybynature is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
According to responses on this thread, most partners are totally cool with their metamours wanting wedding ceremonies or children or life time entanglements with their partner....

Mine, well, let's just say she's not going to be thrilled....
It happens...mine, well. they aren't really even together anymore, not because of us. But if they reconnect, get back together etc., she wouldn't like how entwined he has become in my life and that of my spouse and kids. he's like family to us, she never would be (they have no children). Im not sure he and I would carry on as primaries if they became primaries again, I cant relate to, talk to, or exist with her on a plane like that. So maybe I'd suck in that situation? lol.
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  #20  
Old 03-19-2014, 08:57 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
According to responses on this thread, most partners are totally cool with their metamours wanting wedding ceremonies or children or life time entanglements with their partner....

Mine, well, let's just say she's not going to be thrilled....
I've seen that quite a bit, one of the reasons I mostly dated monogamous men. I really dont want to deal with a metamour
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