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  #1  
Old 03-17-2014, 11:38 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Default Taking it to the next level

It's kind of weird; in monogamy, one goes from dating to boyfriend/girlfriend to spouse. In poly, you just get more entwined.

What I'm really curious about is how you moved from the "boyfriend/girlfriend" phase to the "spouse" phase.

Especially if your partner was already married/living with a partner....
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  #2  
Old 03-18-2014, 12:41 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Great question. Completely irrelevant in our scenario. But I look forward to reading replies!
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Old 03-18-2014, 12:49 AM
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I really don't understand what you're asking. You seem to have an idea that all polyamorous relationships follow the same course or are typical in some way... ???
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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Old 03-18-2014, 01:33 AM
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Shrug... Went the same way as when I was in a monogamous relationship.
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Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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Old 03-18-2014, 01:58 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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As someone who never "dated" I'm curious to hear other replies myself.

For me it goes - I'm friends with someone, I start sleeping with them, then we realize that we spend so much time with each other that we are "practically" living together (I prefer "staying in" to "going out"), so then we declare that we are "officially" living together and there you go...(I lived with MrS for 4 years before we got married...Dude doesn't seem the "ceremony" type...) It's worked out great - all both times

I'm curious as to how it will go with Lotus - she has a home with her husband but comes down several times a month and spends a 2-5 day stretch with us. She can bring her dogs if she needs to, she has her own place for her "stuff", she is not a "guest" when she is here - she is, what, temporary family? If she lived closer I could see more of a even time split but they live an hour away.
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (22+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi married female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


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Old 03-18-2014, 02:00 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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I guess I should clarify. Not all poly relationships need to be lifetime commitments. I'm just discussing the ones that are.

@LR, I was looking forward to hearing replies to. Pardon me, I forget youneighborhoodr setup. But you have at least two life partner s?

@Dagferi, I'm not questioning your situation. But you're saying there was no issue when you and Murf decided to be husband and wife? Butch just said, oh, that's cool? And your friends and family? I mean, that sounds pretty awesome. Just didn't expect to get that response.
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  #7  
Old 03-18-2014, 02:02 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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@Jane, I always thought making friends, sleeping with them, then spending time together WAS dating
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Old 03-18-2014, 02:35 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
@Jane, I always thought making friends, sleeping with them, then spending time together WAS dating
That is an excellent point! But...since I wasn't "looking for" romantic relationships, it took me by surprise when it turned that direction.
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (22+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi married female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #9  
Old 03-18-2014, 04:54 AM
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Well for me I met C first and he and I both had goals of a family. I met H a few months after I started dating C, but we didn't become romantically involved for years. H and I actually became a couple around the time C and I got engaged. For the three of us nothing would have changed if H and I would have been dating back when I was single because H has no desire for marriage or a family.
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  #10  
Old 03-18-2014, 06:34 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I do have two partners. We have lived together for 11 or so years. Poly 4.5 yrs. married to Maca 15 yrs, together 16, known each other 26. Gg and I have been best friends 21 yrs and on again off again lovers (fwb?) since year two. He hasnt dated anyone but me in 15 yrs.
So Im not sure how to classify that confusion.
Gg helped raise my oldest who is 22. So did Maca once he entered the picture. We co-parented the others since birth (the 3 of us)....
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