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  #11  
Old 03-25-2014, 01:09 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
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Reign means rule, like a king does.

Reins are the leather straps you use to keep a horse in line.

</pedant>
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  #12  
Old 03-25-2014, 04:03 PM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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I blame autocorrect and my failure to proofread I've had Morgans, Quarters and Appaloosas all my life

I'm also a grammar nazi (usually myself). Oxford commas are sexy
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  #13  
Old 03-26-2014, 04:42 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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I enjoy dating. I love spending time with someone one-on-one, drinking wine, flirting, talking deeply. I'm an introvert, so I prefer intimate talk with one person over making conversation with several at a party. (Wisely, I choose platonic friends that are extroverts who force me to expand my horizons socially.)

Still, I thought about cancelling my plans last night to meet a guy from Swinger'sDateClub. I've been working hard, plus I stayed out late the night before, so I worried I didn't have much energy to offer to the experience. But I hate when people flake, so I went.

I contacted this man solely based on a picture of his penis (thick, black, attached to a slender torso and cut abs) and because his profile contained no spelling or grammar errors. Honestly, a part of me hoped I wouldn't like sweet-penis, a.k.a. Shane, in person. Sure, I'd approved of the photo he'd sent of his face, and I 'd enjoyed messaging and our phone chat last week. And sure, I want a lover, but I'd really hoped to manifest a married woman, not a swinging single guy. Except, then, I saw Shane's penis and messaged him. Go figure.

My husband, Arlo, is much more at ease with me dating women. And I do feel safer sleeping with women: less chance of transmitting STD's, zero chance of pregnancy. By the way, the cute skater chick I asked out this week invited her gay-boy bestie to join us on our "date," so looks like I'm friend-zoned, at least for now.

Over two weeks of messaging and texting with Shane, a couple of times I've felt as if he couldn't quite keep me straight in his head--I joked about it whenever he seemed to forget something I'd told him. "What, are you juggling twelve women?" He just "lol"ed and said "not that many." Obviously, I don't expect anyone I sleep with to be monogamous, but I admit, at this time in my life, I'm just turned off by promiscuity. I'm pretty sure Shane, a single 40-something who put a picture of his junk on a swinger's site, has sex fairly casually. Another thing: I hate condoms and I'm not on the pill. I love to ride bareback, trusting my partner won't ejaculate inside me. I do this with Arlo, and I did a few times with Carey. I don't think I should do that with Shane, as amazing as it might feel.

Despite that, I found Shane very interesting, intelligent, and easy on the eyes. He seems willing to put in the time with me to see where it goes. We soul-kissed, nice plump lips, gentle tongue. I definitely want to see him again, and he seemed eager to see me again too, especially when I started talking about what I want in bed. Boy, did he look focused then! He admits he likes to dominate, so he's glad I like to submit, but I warned him I've had trouble with men wanting to go further than I enjoy and I 'm wary of it.

Back at home, Arlo could easily surmise I was going on a date. My details as to my plans were unusually vague, my girly clothes were laid out, plus I didn't ask him if he wanted to come. He handled it great. He wasn't withdrawn or passive-aggressive. He seemed in a good mood, actually. I pray it wasn't fake. I assured him I would be home in a couple of hours, and I was. He's off from work again tonight too so we'll have a date night together.

I haven't had sex with anyone but Arlo for about four months now. The other day he and I were making love, just plain, gentle, vanilla stuff, and he was holding my hand during my orgasm and I realized how nothing measures up to unconditional love. All the good looks and the virility and the kinky props in the world can't make up for real love, tenderness, and hours logged getting to know your lover's body.
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Last edited by LoveBunny; 03-26-2014 at 04:46 PM.
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  #14  
Old 03-26-2014, 06:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBunny View Post
All the good looks and the virility and the kinky props in the world can't make up for real love, tenderness, and hours logged getting to know your lover's body.
Amen to that, honey!
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  #15  
Old 03-27-2014, 07:07 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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Last night Arlo and I had casual plans, dinner out or order in, but about 2 hours after I'd expected him home, I called and our friend Eric answered his phone. I love Eric, and we're good friends with his wife, but when Eric and Arlo drink together they get stupid, their I.Q.s drops into single digits. Eric loves to take Arlo's phone and annoy me while I'm trying to get my absolutely wasted husband to get his sweet ass home. We've had some pretty big fights after he's been out with Eric, coming home many hours after he said he would, or blowing off plans with me. I get very uncomfortable when my husband stays out late, not because he's doing other women, but because it means he's out there somewhere drunk and high and stupid.

Last night, when Eric wouldn't put Arlo on, I just asked "Is Arlo coming home for dinner?" Eric said no, I hung up, and when Eric called back on his own phone, I sent Eric straight to voicemail where he apologized for pissing me off. In the past, I might've blown up both their phones with angry, hurt texts. I still felt the sting of rejection, but this time I decided to try doing things differently. I mean, if I'm going to date other people, at least I can give Arlo some extra freedom. I took a deep breath and tried to understand that at that moment, Arlo would be happier continuing to get stupid drunk with Eric rather than having a quiet dinner with his wife. Fine. And maybe this was in part a reaction to me having a date last night. Maybe Arlo was feeling rebellious and didn't want to be cooped up with me.

A few minutes later, Arlo texted me to ask what I was doing. I said I was staying in, but have fun with Eric. But, I said, I do wish you'd tell me yourself when you mean to break plans with me. A few hours later, Arlo came in just as I was falling asleep and said sorry. No fight. See? This is a whole new marriage, and I'm a whole new wife.
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  #16  
Old 03-29-2014, 06:19 PM
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Shane sent me some nude photos that got me all hot and bothered. He's military, and his body is lean and cut. He's texted me a few times in the last few days, just nice, easygoing stuff. He's totally stepped up his game since we met in person. Now he references things I've told him about myself, and he seems really willing to devote time, energy, and money (he told me he always wants to pay for things when we're together) to get into my panties. Honestly, I love the attention, but I'm trying not to take it too seriously. I have no reason to think he sees me as anything more than a short-term investment.

I was walking around in a halo of bliss the other day. I can't believe everyone doesn't live like this. I get to live with my husband, who is my heart, and also I get to make love to these beautiful, quality people who are (mostly) nice to me. Is it possible I can have all the love I want, all the sex I want, and I can do it without degrading myself or damaging anyone else? The hard part is not drinking the kool-aid, not succumbing to the guilt of hundreds of years of patriarchy telling me I'm bad to want this, and I should keep my dirty passions secret, and I'm a bad person for "cheating" on my poor husband. When I let go of that guilt, I feel limitless.

Arlo and I chatted a bit about the possibility of him seeing other women, especially as he might start travelling for work. He said he feels like he would not be able to love more than one woman, and he's afraid he'd let things fall apart between us. Besides, he wants to focus on his career right now, which is taking off. I'm always amazed by how Arlo navigates the new twists in our relationship purely on his own instincts. I obsess, read a hundred books, and join web forums to come to the same conclusion Arlo comes up with while he's watching t.v.. Arlo is happy being monogamous, and I'm not, and neither one of us is right or wrong.
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Last edited by LoveBunny; 03-29-2014 at 06:25 PM.
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  #17  
Old 04-03-2014, 09:31 PM
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Yesterday, Shane and I drove to a secluded nude beach, the same stretch of beach where, over a year and a half ago, I first kissed Coco. I tried not to let that make me sad, not to compare the two experiences. Coco was my first relationship outside my marriage in 15 years. Looks-wise, she was my ideal, plus I kind of thought she was a soulmate. Fooling around with her on the beach filled my body with adrenaline. At times, I couldn't even breathe. I remember after I got home, I wept uncontrollably, because I knew my husband would be hurt that I was in love with someone else.

In contrast, I was perfectly calm making love for the first time, on the beach, with Shane (except when some people walked by and saw us, then I felt some adrenaline kick in!) Maybe now that I've had more experience with relationships outside my marriage I'm a bit desensitized. Maybe I'm so very physically tired right now from work that my body and my emotions are in low gear. I remind myself that the highs I experienced with Coco did not make up for the awful, heart-rending lows. I just worry I'll never fall so head-over-heels for anyone again.

On the bright side, I feel very comfortable talking to Shane, and very safe around him. With my last lover, Carey, who was overwhelmingly full of brio, I struggled to set boundaries, and I let him do things to me I didn't really enjoy. With Shane, I told him exactly what I want and don't want during sex, and that's exactly what I got. I really enjoyed him, and I look forward to being with him again.

I don't think he's suitable for more than friends-with-benefits. First of all, he admitted he's sleeping with 6 or 7 women in rotation (mostly in swinging-type situations.) That makes me feel not very special. He also said the only woman he's ever loved was his ex-wife, the ballerina. Still, Shane texts me nearly every day, calls or shows up when he says he's going to, and gives freely his time, energy, and money. He definitely enjoys my company and my conversation, and I get how badly he wants to do me every which way. At least it seems I'll be treated like a queen for as long as this thing lasts.

This afternoon I had to beg Arlo to help me around the house more. It's a conversation we have often. I'm working a lot right now, and I can't keep up with the housework and errands without getting overwhelmed. I try really hard not to nag him, but if I don't, he just does as little as possible. He says tonight he'll clean and go shopping while I'm at work. I hope this is another case of "ask and ye shall receive."
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  #18  
Old 04-08-2014, 09:04 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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I'm so pissed. A few days ago, Shane and I made plans to see each other early this evening, but when I texted him this afternoon to tell him I was finishing work soon, he texted back: "Will try to ditch the Russians" (his houseguests.) Then, an hour later, "Can't make it today."

No apology. No regret. No asking to reschedule. I gave no reply.

I detest flakiness, it hurts my feelings. I looked forward to our date all week. If I hadn't already slept with him, and liked it, I would just place him on my pay-no-mind list and be done with him, but now that I actually had his penis inside me, I feel sort of INVESTED. I guess he isn't as excited to explore this thing between us as I thought he was. He sure gave a good impression of someone who wanted to spend more time with me, but actions speak louder than words. I don't want to get involved with someone who is not excited about me. I feel like a strong, sane woman would cut bait at this point, but dating as a 40-something married woman, pickings are slim. I shouldn't be surprised that I attract people who only want casual relationships, but it's frustrating. I need to figure out what I'll say next time he contacts me. Or if I should just let silence do the trick. Or if I'm overreacting. Such a bummer.
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  #19  
Old 04-09-2014, 11:55 PM
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He has house guests. Anything could have happened with that, and maybe stuff was going on that prevented him from sending a longer message or explanation. I do think you might be over-reacting and could lighten up about it, though I can understand feeling disappointed. Don't know why you let yourself feel hurt, though. I would be more annoyed than hurt. You're not really that invested, if you think about it - you fucked, and it was good... alrighty. You simply got pleasure from being with him and are looking forward to more. You can bounce back from it, just let him know that it really bothered you. I always err on the side of forgiveness the first time something like this happens, but when I see a pattern is when I become a hard-ass. Hopefully, it won't happen again. I hope this didn't come off as judgy, as I don't mean it that way - just trying to be helpful. You know what is best.
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Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 05-01-2014 at 02:39 AM.
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  #20  
Old 04-10-2014, 12:56 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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@nycindie I would have felt differently had he apologized and offered another time/day. The absence of that just made me feel blown off. I'm thinking I will have to say something to let him know it bothered me, assuming he contacts me again. I tend to take the flakiness of others personally, as I myself rarely flake. And, honestly, I would jump through hoops of fire for good lovin.' On the other hand, I know for some people flakiness is no big deal and it doesn't bother them, it's nothing personal, and he might be one of those people. And, yes, houseguests can be draining, and he may have been disappointed that we wouldn't have anywhere to go after our date to be alone (unless we got a hotel room.) His guests might mean we were not able to go to his place, and mine is off limits as per the husband.

I admit I'm still hyper-vigilant after having the person I opened my marriage to be with (Coco) turn out so awful. Her M.O. was to disrespect me in small and not-so-small ways, then whenever I confronted her, she'd deny and invalidate until I was emotionally out of control, then she would berate me for being emotionally out-of-control. My attempts at understanding, forgiving and acting "cool" only made me a better doormat. If I'm being too hard-assed it might well be in reaction to barely-healed injuries. At this point, if someone, friend or lover, shows me anything I perceive as disinterest, I just back the hell away. No more chasing, pleading, or lowering my own expectations as to how I wish to be treated.

But, yeah, probably don't need to throw the baby out with the bathwater here. Let's see if he makes contact again, and I will admit I was disappointed when he didn't keep the plans we'd made, or something along those lines. Thanks for reading! Love the feedback.
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