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  #11  
Old 03-12-2014, 11:24 PM
AndyinMN AndyinMN is offline
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Inyourendo - Thanks for the input! I am not "only getting first dates" but the last two endeviors were like that. Maybe just bad luck. Not sure.

nycindie - YES! Thats me! If only I could remember the email address I used and the password I used! I will see if I can figure that out later. How did you remember me??? I am flattered...

SchrodingersCat and BrigidsDaughter, thank you for taking the time to share. I am releived to hear there maybe aren't a dispropotionate amount of bipolar people in the poly world, even though it wouldn't stop me from dating someone if they had the disorder.

I too think it's overdiagnised. Like ADHD. But some people certainly have it to the point it effects the way they conduct their lives, and I think in my recent case, thats what happened.

Dating is hard. :P

I really need to come back and hang out here for some fellowship and positivity.
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  #12  
Old 03-13-2014, 01:22 AM
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I've been diagnosed as having had quite a few various disorders over the years. Bipolar (rapid cycling) has been one of most frequent/long-lived diagnoses, but the prevailing diagnosis at this time is Asperger syndrome. Personally I am of the impression that I have "a bit of this and a bit of that," and/or some kind of "new" disorder (yay!).

Perhaps being "a troubled soul in general" has helped me to gradually question the norms more and more until I began to question things like universal monogamy. In that sense, whatever condition I have could be considered partially responsible for my shift into a polyamorous relationship.

I haven't really done any poly dating (though I tried, via OKC and PMM); the two marriage-like relationships I've ever been in both started as platonic friendships and then had a moment (maybe a "24-hour moment") of transition into profound romance with little to no official dating before I proposed. Whatever disorders I had, they didn't seem to hamper the onset and development of those new romances. My disorders did often make "married life" harder on both marriage partners though.

I don't quite know how to describe my "bipolar experiences" other than to say I've struggled on and off throughout my life. I've had fits of rage and despair. I've had heavy lassitude that kept me from functioning. I've had bursts of intense creativity, followed by an emotional crash. I've had a thin emotional skin and an inability to process criticism appropriately. I've felt like the world was out to ostracize me.

Things are finally better and I can only assume that's because I'm finally on a combination of meds that works for me. In the meantime, the symptoms I've exhibited throughout my life have affected my relationships about how you'd expect. I've been fortunate in accumulating some very loyal friends, including my two poly companions who would walk through fire for me. But I know there are still times when I start to freak out, and it scares them to say the least.

Life goes on. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and try to make the best contribution we can with the abilities we have. I and my companions do that, and the sum of our efforts blends harmoniously most of the time. I guess that's why we stay together. We've been a poly unit for about eight years and I think we'll stay together for the rest of our lives.

Don't know if that answers any of the questions you had, but since I am very possibly at least partially bipolar, I thought I would share some of my perspective.
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Last edited by kdt26417; 03-13-2014 at 03:39 AM.
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  #13  
Old 03-13-2014, 02:59 AM
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Andy4700 Andy4700 is offline
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Yay! Thanks to nycindie I have my old account back!

kdt26417 - thank you for your post.


Quote:
Perhaps being "a troubled soul in general" has helped me to gradually question the norms more and more until I began to question things like universal monogamy. In that sense, whatever condition I have could be considered partially responsible for my shift into a polyamorous relationship.
This is something else I have pondered a lot. What (if anything) is the common thread that makes people seek poly realtionships. I grew up really socially isolated, and feel like I missed out on a lot, so I think that is part of what makes this so appealing to me. The ability to get to keep exploring people. Sometimes I wonder if I had a normal childhood if it would appeal.
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  #14  
Old 03-13-2014, 03:37 AM
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Oh that is a riddle with no easy answers. If one's upbringing is very pleasant, and is combined with teachings of universal monogamy, then maybe one never feels the need to try anything outside the beaten path. On the other hand, kids with perfectly swell parents (and other swell surroundings) have been known to rebel, so who knows what drives people to do what they do.

I'd say I tried pretty darn hard to do all I was "supposed to do," all that was expected of me, for 20-30 years. Things had to pile up sky high and get really bad before I was ready to start making the really big changes in my life. And maybe "the mid-life crisis chemicals" kicked in too at about that time. It was a combination of things. I also had to connect with someone who was willing to try polyamory with me. Heck, polyamory wasn't even my idea and I had never heard of it. She did the research, learned the terminology, and made the suggestion. So a lot of dominoes had to topple before the "poly domino" fell.

Any kind of aberrant proclivity (e.g. bisexuality, kink, paganism, D&D, WoW, Scadianism) will tend to pull one further away from mainstream mores and closer to fringe mores. In order to have nonstandard interests/practices/beliefs, you kind of have to be more open-minded than your average joe. Perhaps having an emotional disorder or other disability exerts the same kind of pressure. Unusual coping skills demand exceptional creativity, eh?
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  #15  
Old 03-13-2014, 05:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy4700 View Post
. . . if I had a normal childhood . . .
I don't think there is such a thing!
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  #16  
Old 03-19-2014, 02:34 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Oh that is a riddle with no easy answers. If one's upbringing is very pleasant... On the other hand, kids with perfectly swell parents (and other swell surroundings) have been known to rebel, so who knows what drives people to do what they do.

....Any kind of aberrant proclivity (e.g. bisexuality, kink, paganism, D&D, WoW, Scadianism) will tend to pull one further away from mainstream mores and closer to fringe mores. In order to have nonstandard interests/practices/beliefs, you kind of have to be more open-minded than your average joe. Perhaps having an emotional disorder or other disability exerts the same kind of pressure. Unusual coping skills demand exceptional creativity, eh?
I don't know that there IS any fundamental thread that ties poly peeps together. While I wouldn't describe my childhood necessarily as "normal"...I might describe it as "ideal". We were encouraged to think for ourselves, were supported in pursuing our interests, and, in general, were encouraged to explore our personal limits as opposed the artificial limits that society placed on us - these were viewed as irrelevant and something to be overcome.

While I consider myself bisexual - this has never been a source of stress or confrontation for me. Being "mainstream" was never important in my personal choices. Perhaps I am more open-minded because no one ever tried to encourage me to be otherwise?

I do have GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) - which is currently medicated, but this is not a constant presence...and I don't consider it a fundamental aspect of my personality.

My path to poly was largely theoretical to start - I read a TON of Heinlein when I was in my teens/pre-teens. It made sense. Nothing ever shook that sense of "of course" that I experienced thinking of the relationships that he described...
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #17  
Old 03-19-2014, 11:46 PM
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Man I want your parents JaneQ!

Oh I'm kidding. My parents did the best they could, and they've mellowed out by now. I know my mom feels pretty bad about how she acted when her kids were kids. I think my dad does too, though he's more of a blissfully clueless fellow ...

The fact that I grew up immersed in the Mormon church with its history of polygamy, probably had something to do with my gradual realization that polyamory (when I finally heard of the word) made sense and was fine. Somewhere in the late 90's I mused that Mormon polygamy wouldn't have been so bad if a wife could have had multiple husbands too.
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  #18  
Old 03-20-2014, 08:26 PM
Becca Becca is offline
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I have two people in my life who have bipolar disorder. Both have tried poly, and both have concluded that it is not right for them. They reached their decisions in different ways, but one element they shared was this: they both have a need for routine in their lives. Regular sleep, regular meals, regular exercise, and a regular bed partner are things that helped them, and it's difficult to do that while juggling date nights, NRE, etc.

This may not work out the same way for other folks, and some poly folks are able to establish regular routines within their poly lives.

One other note-- anyone who has a bipolar diagnosis (or loves someone who does) should check out the Icarus Project. Google it, and order their publications at your local independent bookstore.
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  #19  
Old 05-09-2014, 01:40 AM
daledanniekris daledanniekris is offline
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Andy, I know this post is a little old but I just had to add my voice. I am bipolar with rapid cycling. That being said I take my medication and go to therapy. The other side of this, for me, as my two partners (I am the hinge) are men I know a long time. They were both educated about bipolar and about the specific ways mine manifests itself. That helps them, and having both of them helps me to stay level.
As far as dating bipolar women. I have seen that before, I have a good friend who has done that two relationships in a row,
I too was the kind woman who got totally involved with men and then got bored quickly. That all happened before I got stable. Stable I am able to have a relationship with two men and give them fidelity, honest and love.
If you meet some one else who is bipolar, find out more. It's not the disease that is the problem its how its managed.
Blessed be.
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  #20  
Old 05-09-2014, 02:30 AM
jayt jayt is offline
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just wanted to say its nice to read the positive comments...
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