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Old 03-07-2014, 06:58 PM
BlueToldMe BlueToldMe is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Talking Isn't this fun...

My intro post

So ya. I kind of want to keep my thoughts in one place. I'm just gonna keep on truckin' with recent events.

I don't get to see Sam as often as I'd like, but I did go down a few days ago to attend the local munch with he and Sally. It was our first big outing in the community...and I only consider it "big" because of the sheer number of folks who attend.

We had been having "in and out" conversations over the past 48 hours about my feeling the need for more physical contact. I've NEVER placed importance on cuddling or contact because I come from a lifetime of hands off men and family. Now, faced with a man who is very hands on...I just crave it. Obviously all I need to be is open and communicate what I`m seeking, and he and Sally will discuss and all 3 of us will come up with something...or a no, and why. Totally fair. I`m far from unreasonable...I realize they have kids, they are primary, bla bla. It was just nice to have an actual discussion about something I wanted.

The munch was amazing. This particular event, as I stated, is always busy. Sam kept his arm around me pretty much all night. It was pretty sweet, not gonna lie. Even Sally was hugging me randomly. I really felt special. Sam even did a half ass introduction of me to a friend it seemed like he hadn't seen in a long time. She simply asked what was new and he kind of stepped aside and "presented" me as the new thing. It was cute. Made me feel amazing. Sam and I even stepped out for like 20 min and I learned more about his past. That was a special moment for me. I know how rare in reality it is for anyone to really talk about their past and let other people in...it's easy for me, but not everyone...so I cherish what people give.
The evening out wasn't very long, mainly because the venue was new and overpriced. We all headed back to their place, watched the latest installment of Walking Dead and when everyone else left, had some fun...had an impact scene and incredible sex. We all click so damn well. I always sleep so well at their place. Now It's going to be at least 3 days, possibly 5 until I see them again. Boo.

*happy girl*
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Old 03-08-2014, 02:29 AM
BlueToldMe BlueToldMe is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Ontario, Canada
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So I'm sick as a dog from being around with the girls...so I've had a LOT of time today to think. I'm pretty sure I've realized that I'm holding myself back, emotionally.

Not coming from any sort of poly background, I fear that I'd have no idea how to deal with it if I really started to care for Sam. He says things like "I miss you" which may have a not so serious tones to everyone else, to me, it means a lot. I basically just avoid statements like this because I have no idea what to say back, and if I did, I would have no idea how to deal with it if I did. I told Sally today that I miss being in their house. I miss that feeling of being a part of the family, and feel quite lonely when I'm back home.
Luckily, I'll see them all Sunday, and it looks like I'm going to bus down Monday and sit for them Tuesday morning.

Does anyone have any tips? I mean I know I'm overthinking everything, like I always do, but the problem is this time - I don't have anything to pull from as far as past experience goes. I have asked a few very close friends whom I trust what I should do if I fall for Sam...I mean I'm seriously holding back. The most common answer is obviously that things happen. I just kind of feel like I'm not getting the benefit of the relationship...if that makes any sense. I mean I care for Sam and I trust both he and Sally...but we are not "dating". I went into this with my flag saying "no dates" because that means there is some small amount of romantic seriousness. I just don't feel ready for that...and I kind of like the fact that he's married...so that's my sure fire way for things not to get serious.

I'm sorry if I sound like my thoughts are everywhere...
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