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  #11  
Old 03-13-2014, 10:07 AM
Tiberius Tiberius is offline
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Maybe you can do the thing you do with Curls on Saturday a few more times a week? Have breakfast together?
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Last edited by Tiberius; 03-13-2014 at 10:13 AM.
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  #12  
Old 03-15-2014, 06:47 AM
Eclipse Eclipse is offline
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I really wish it WAS that easy. Not only do Curls and I have absolutely backward schedules from each other, they are almost perfectly so. In the very rare instance that I get off work on time, I can drive home as fast as I can and if I hit every light green, then I will make it home JUST in time to see Curls driving down our street and off to her job. It's a general annoyance that I know will be corrected one day, but for right now it's really an enormous pain in the ass. I get by with telling myself that it's only temporary, and that in a couple years I will be working days again and everything will be back to the way it used to be. I make it sound a lot worse than it is, though. Aside from that little hiccup where Curls got upset, we have grown desensitized to the differences in our schedules.

I've rearranged my days off this weekend and we are going to a St. Patrick's day swinger house party tomorrow night. This will be the first event of this nature that Freckles has accompanied us along to. She's excited but nervous about it. For as experimental and free spirited as Freckles is, I'm only the third guy she has ever had sex with. The concept of a party that is filled with casual sex is something that she is happy to go do, but she is glad we are going to be there as her safety net. Curls and I have both given her a lot of reassurance that we know more than half the people that are planning on being at the party, and some of them are good friends. She understands that nobody is going to really push her toward anything she doesn't want. And hell... I've told her that the guy who is hosting the party has an Xbox, and if it's what it will take to make her happy, her and I will spend the whole damn night playing video games. I'm down with that.

I don't think we will, though. I think she will have a blast.
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Curls - 33 years old female, My wife of fifteen years.
Freckles - 22 years old female, our awesome girlfriend.
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  #13  
Old 03-15-2014, 10:42 AM
Tiberius Tiberius is offline
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hope you two have a great time!
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  #14  
Old 03-15-2014, 02:04 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Never mind St Pat's day fuck party. What I want to know is, how long did you and your wife know Freckles before she moved in with you and your 3 young daughters? Why did you not address the issue of what the kids know BEFORE she moved in?

I mean, did you date her for several months? Did she come over and meet the kids, get to know them, bond with them as a friend? Or was she just all of a sudden a stranger moving in? Suddenly a strange woman, for all intents and purposes sharing Mom and Dad's bedroom, strange moaning noises in the night?

It's a shame your wife and you work opposite shifts and therefore you and Freckles spend more time together by default. I'd def feel jealous/envious if I was Curls.

Are you impetuous or do you plan ahead?
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  #15  
Old 03-15-2014, 10:15 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Egad.
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  #16  
Old 03-16-2014, 06:40 AM
Eclipse Eclipse is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post

Are you impetuous or do you plan ahead?
A little of both?

The three of us have an odd dynamic in that respect. Freckles is almost terrifyingly impulsive, Curls would convene a committee to discuss a trip to the grocery store, and I fall in the middle and try to moderate them.

It wasn't a huge change of circumstance for our kids. I don't know if I have stressed enough that Freckles was already a big part of our pre-triad lives. I first met her the summer before last. We became friends not long after and her and my wife became friends a couple months after that. By somewhere around a year ago, she was a very regular fixture around our house. It was common for her to come over and hang out with us once, sometimes twice a week. The three of us are fans of BAD movies, and when Curls' schedule permits, it is very easy for the three of us to sit around and just riff on terrible movies until dawn. She was an honorary member of our family before we even fielded the slightest thought about living as a triad. Hell, when she wasn't around, the kids still acknowledged that the empty spot at the dinner table was "Freckles' chair."

She had lived with us very briefly toward the end of last August. Her lease was up in a previous apartment and it was going to be three weeks before she could move into the new one, so she was our guest during that time. All three of our girls expressed their displeasure that she moved back out afterward.

She didn't end up being at the apartment very long. It was mid-November that we became a triad. None of us were in a HUGE hurry to make drastic changes, and while she stayed the night over here and there, she didn't fully move into our house until the first week of January. We had planned on holding off a little bit longer, but she was spending so much time at our house by that point, that the three of us just decided to move her in.

As far as noise goes... not a problem. We have an enormous house. It has eight bedrooms and three of them are offset from the rest. The girls are on one side of the house, the three of us are on the other. Yes, I suppose they could decide to come over, but as a matter of habit, we just use the intercom or our cell phones rather than trying to track each other down That, and Freckles is very quiet in the bedroom. Curls is totally NOT.

As for tonight!

Not at all what I was expecting

I was joking when I suggested that Freckles and I would spend the night playing Xbox if that's what she wanted, but it turned out to be exactly what we ended up doing. Curls, Freckles and I had a four hour marathon of Guitar Hero at our friend's house. So no to casual sex, yes to just having a fun evening hanging out as a triad and laughing until our sides hurt, especially when it turned into strip Guitar Hero.

It was awesome. But then it led to Curls asking me the question after we got home that I had already been thinking about...

Is it time to step away from swinging for a little bit? maybe a long bit?

I haven't been at all into our swinging lifestyle since Freckles came into our lives, I have only maintained it because Curls enjoys it. But tonight I think we realized that we are so caught up in NRE right now, that all of us are happy just being together, and why have sex with someone else when there is still so much 'new' going on right within our own group.

There will probably be more about this in the next day or two as we talk about it.
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  #17  
Old 03-19-2014, 12:51 PM
Eclipse Eclipse is offline
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Well, we ended up having the discussion I expected to. I realized I had been half-heartedly sticking with our swinger lifestyle because it was making Curls happy. Curls realized she was sticking with our swinger lifestyle because it was making me happy. Freckles was dabbling in our swinger lifestyle because it was making Curls and I happy. And here I realize that I'M the one that goes on and on about good communication.

We had a talk about it last night and made the decision to put the swinging on hold indefinitely. When Curls and I got into that lifestyle, we did it because we wanted something new and different. Then we realized that we already have something new and different right under our own roof right now. All three of us are sure that we will change our mind and start going back to the house parties and our swinger club and all that shit eventually, right now we are going to use the free time we have to focus on just being together. We very likely MIGHT continue going to our club, if for no other reason that just because it is a very sexually open environment that the three of us can have a night out as a triad, showing affection for each other without all the annoying stares and raised eyebrows. But we won't be having any other partners for a while.

This also brought up another point of our arrangement... From the beginning, Curls and I tried really hard to be very hands-off to the possibility of Freckles having other relationships. Although the two of us are committed to fidelity inside the triad, we always allowed for the idea that Freckles would be interested in dating or taking another partner outside of the two of us. Freckles told us during that same conversation that she wants to be held to the same standard that we hold ourselves to. She says that we work so hard to make her feel like she's included in everything, she doesn't want to mess that up.

For right now, she says she isn't interested in other relationships either. Curls was totally okay with this, I was a little bit apprehensive. Part of me is always looking for problems long before they surface, and the other part of me just feels that Freckles is younger than us... I think that she SHOULD be given the option to meet someone her own age if she so chooses. Obviously, the choice is entirely hers, though.

I wish I could help her shake the feeling that she's going to mess up. Freckles ALWAYS feels like she's right on the verge of fucking up. It doesn't matter what it is, relationships, work, school... whatever. She has self confidence issues and is always underneath this cloud where she's certain that anything good she has going on is about to end, and it will be her fault when it does.
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Curls - 33 years old female, My wife of fifteen years.
Freckles - 22 years old female, our awesome girlfriend.
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  #18  
Old 03-31-2014, 08:42 AM
Eclipse Eclipse is offline
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Well, we really did follow through on what we talked about. Curls and I have removed ourselves from the swingers scene for all intents and purposes. We DO go to the club when we get a chance too, just because our relationship doesn't so much as even garner notice there, where we would be the subject of whispers and pointed fingers almost anywhere else.

I had mentioned before that Curls' parents were going to potentially be a serious problem when we came out as poly. It turns out that this has alleviated itself in an unexpected way... for better or worse.

I don't think I have ever mentioned that Curls is the sister of my best friend from high school. She was ten and I was fourteen the first time we ever met when Greg brought me over to his house after school one day. We became friendlier as the years went on and despite a four year age difference, her mom and dad became conditionally okay with the idea of the two of us dating when she was sixteen. This is strange considering that their parents are ULTRA ULTRA conservative Christians. But they allowed it to happen, so I'm not going to analyze that way too much. The thing that struck me during those years was how horrific of a person Curls' mom is. She is manipulative, overbearing, almost comedically condescending. She is that person that believes the entire world is centered around her. If anything isn't about her, she will make damned sure the subject is changed so we are talking about her.

This annoyed the hell out of me growing up, especially when she would use my relationship with Curls as a weapon against us to coerce my wife into doing everything she told her to, at the risk of not being able to see me for days, weeks or months at a time. It was okay, though. We knew this was a temporary matter, and that we wouldn't be under them forever. Things got worse not long after we married. Greg joined the Marines and was critically injured while in Afghanistan. Things were fine for a month or so, but then we had to take Greg in because after all the attention his mother was getting because of the incident wore off, he basically just became a big millstone around her neck that she had to take care of. And as her busybody friends got bored with making her the center of attention, she got bored with caring for her kid. In the end, we decided to take him in.

Everything went well, Greg recovered fully and he is just fine today. But the experience severely damaged all three of our views toward their mother. Completely unrelated, there was a huge blowup between them and all their kids for financial reasons a couple weeks ago. The specifics aren't necessarily important, but the result was nearly all the kids, Curls and Greg included, decided to permanently excommunicate their parents from our lives.

As such... we no longer have to worry about their manipulations when we come out. That's a good thing, because Oldest is starting to ask questions. I said that she's smart, she obviously knows that something is going on with Curls, Freckles and I beyond what we are saying.

She mostly talks about this with Freckles, as the two of them have connected in a big way. Freckles was helping Oldest with her homework last week and abruptly asked her "Do you love my dad?"

Rather than try to dream up some non answer, Freckles did the intelligent thing, she just straight out told the truth. She told her. "Yes."

My daughter said. "Does my mom know?" And Freckles gave an affirmative to that too.

All four of us are planning on having a talk in the next few days. Not sure what direction that's going to go, but we will see.
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Me - 37 years old male, father of three wonderful girls.
Curls - 33 years old female, My wife of fifteen years.
Freckles - 22 years old female, our awesome girlfriend.
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  #19  
Old 04-01-2014, 02:07 PM
happytovee happytovee is offline
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Very much enjoying following your story. I'm in a vee with a married couple, not a triad - but we have a number of similarities.
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  #20  
Old 04-09-2014, 08:12 AM
Eclipse Eclipse is offline
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We had the first child-related issue this afternoon, at least concerning Freckles. Middle is the one that we always knew was going to be the issue, and it turns out that she is.

The kids got home from school today and Freckles, as is starting to become our routine, had them get started on their homework and chores. Middle decided to test the boundaries today and instead she went straight for the computer and started playing a game. Freckles reacted well and within the parameters that we have discussed should something like this happen. She asked her twice nicely to turn off the computer and on the third time she just walked up and shut the power off. A temper tantrum followed containing liberal quantities of "You aren't my mom" and "I don't have to listen to you." This was dealt with when Curls got home. Two weeks grounded from the computer seems to have brought the point home. All of the kids have been reminded that they, in fact, DO have to listen to Freckles.

Middle is over it. If anything, it is Freckles that has had the hardest part getting through with this. She was rattled more than I had really expected her to be. I may have mentioned this, but I'm not sure... Freckles has anxiety problems and gets overwhelmed when things don't go according to plan fairly easily. She had a little bit of a cry and told Curls that she felt that this made her a failure in standing in as a parental figure. Curls pointed out the absurdity of this, and told her that if this isn't the first time this will happen... the first of a thousand, MAYBE.

At first she seemed a little offended, thinking we were laughing at her. We had to explain that this is pretty much normal. It's not going to just be her, all three of them are going to go through this as some point in the future (though probably not with anywhere near the same frequency.)

Despite the speed bump in the day, we discussed and started putting together our plans for vacation this summer. As a family we are going to go on a Disney cruise. We have already priced it out and plan on finalizing the reservations next week. (are we horrible people for getting the big suite with a balcony for ourselves and the much less impressive interior room for the kids? Maybe? Eh... they will survive)
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Curls - 33 years old female, My wife of fifteen years.
Freckles - 22 years old female, our awesome girlfriend.
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