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  #1  
Old 03-28-2015, 07:51 AM
RedSonja RedSonja is offline
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Default The Red Zone

So as they say....let's start at the beginning....


As a teen I couldn't stay in a relationship longer than 3 months as I was interested in more than one person at the same time and would end up fooling around with another boy and then ending things or ending it before I cheated.

There were a couple of main players throughout my teens and early 20's that played a significant part in my development or are people that I still remember fondly.

Throughout high school I had two male best friends - The Hulk and Thor. The Hulk always made it known he was interested but I just never felt that the spark was there. It was Thor that held my fascination and for years my heart. I dated other boys, lost my virginity to one just after my 15th birthday but it was Thor that I always pined for.

There were two other significant boys that seemed to come in and out of my life as a teenager. Sid Vicious was one of those guys that you never really had any intention of dating but somehow ended up with anyway lol.
He dated nearly every female friend I had and we finally worked out how he did it years afterwards. He always prayed on us when we were at our weakest - rejected by other boys and sad and lonely, Sid would swoop in with a shoulder to cry on, a sympathetic ear, a quick pash and a grope and the next thing you knew you were dating him lol. He was fun and all very punk rock and took nothing seriously which I think is why none of us girls took the relationships seriously either. We dated for about 3 months initially and then I kissed a MUCH older man and felt I had to end things with him. Two years later we dated again for 3 months until Thor and The Hulk both made a move on me and out of guilt, yet again I ended it with Sid. We continued to be friends into our early 20's and used to reminisce and laugh about our brief stints together.
I heard recently he had gotten married to a girl he was dating on and off for years - I wish them well

Jock was a year older than me and the complete opposite of what my type was back then. He was heavily into sports and part of the popular crowd whilst I was a goth hanging out with all the misfits and freaks
We dated for 3 months and then he cheated on me and we ended things. It was strange that back then I could never really hold a grudge when it came to fooling around behind each other's backs. Six months later Jock and I were headed towards hooking back up but I kept holding out for Thor. Eventually I got sick of waiting and Jock and I started dating again.
The whole time Jock and I were together, Thor flirted, teased and cajoled me until my resolve finally broke and we fooled around.
Jock and I broke up not long after. I wanted to keep them both but it went against everything that I knew at that time about relationships. This seemed to be a pattern that would continue to repeat itself throughout high school. I'd start to date someone and Thor would want me. We'd hook up, I'd leave the current boyfriend out of guilt and then Thor would back off. Thor and I discussed all of this many years later and he acknowledged how much of a prick he was. He regretted how he had treated me and wished that as a teenage boy he had the insight he had as a man. We would of made a great couple but unfortunately he was too into playing games.
He will always be the first guy that I gave a blow job to (and received instruction from ), my first taste of bdsm and in all honesty my first love. We never had sex and for years it felt like unfinished business.

High school was also when I had my first crush on a girl. I worked an after school job at a little take away store and became friends with one of the older girls that also worked there. Karma was 24 (I was 17) and I think she had me enthralled from the first time I met her. She was a compulsive liar and a complete cocktease but she was fun and made me feel important and liked. I had my one and only (to this date) threesome with her and a mutual friend of ours. The male friend and myself were both much more into Karma than each other but the only way she'd agree to have sex with either of us was if we did it all together. I think it really messed with the poor guy's head afterwards (and to be honest mine as well). Not long afterwards we all fell out over Karma's lying and scheming. It just got too hard to keep up with all the lies.

By the end of high school I think I'd realised I wasn't really cut out to have a traditional relationship but where did that leave me?

Next chapter - The Hulk re-enters my life...
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Old 03-28-2015, 07:53 AM
RedSonja RedSonja is offline
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Chapter 2 - The Hulk Returns

My first long term relationship started off as a bit of an awkward V. The Hulk and I had been best friends for 5 years by this stage and he was dating a girl, Belle. Six months after high school finished we started seeing each other whilst he was still with Belle. She knew it was happening but had a very DADT attitude towards it. For 9 months he dated both of us plus all 3 of us spent a lot of time together. I was actually quite happy about the situation but the Hulk didn't want me dating others which I didn't think was fair so I told him we either dated each other exclusively, he kept both Belle and I and I dated others as well or I was out. He chose to date me exclusively and we were together a further 4.5 years. For most of the relationship I found that I had deep emotional connections with several male friends and 1 female friend that I chose not to pursue physically as I didn't want to hurt the Hulk. One of which was Thor.
At the 5 year mark I realised how unhappy I was and ended the relationship with the intention of being single and carefree for a while.
Unfortunately life had other ideas for me lol.
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Old 03-28-2015, 10:41 PM
RedSonja RedSonja is offline
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Chapter 3 - The Tradie


Whilst the Hulk and I were together I became friends with the Tradie. When the Hulk and I broke up, the Tradie decided we should date. I was all for this as a casual thing....2 months in we were exclusive and I was back in a monogamous relationship

We lasted for 6 years and we almost got married but I just kept feeling like something was missing. I continued to have close relationships with guys that ultimately left me feeling sad as I knew I could never love them the way that I felt was "right".
We were also just so different on such a base level. I was (and still am) all about equality, he had been raised that the man of the house had the final say in things.
He wanted children, I had always sworn I would not have kids.
Towards the end of the relationship I discussed opening our relationship up but the Tradie was dead against it and very much wanted the traditional wife with 2.5 children and a white picket fence, something I felt I couldn't give him.
Our sex life began to suffer, where as before we had been equally matched in terms of desire, I went through an upswing in my libido after finally working out that hormonal birth control was not working well for me. Unfortunately the Tradie was unable to keep up with me. The more sex we had, the more I wanted. He just wasn't interested. When I tried to talk about it, he called me a slut. Told me that the kink I was beginning to show interest in was disgusting. He didn't know how to handle the situation so instead of trying to better understand my wants and needs he tried to make me feel terrible about them.

When the communication completely broke down between us I turned to a sex based forum to find like minded people to talk to. I just thought it would be safe and anonymous as it was a US site and didn't really think there would be a lot of Australians on there.
Lo and behold I started chatting to a fellow Australian and really made a connection. I also became close with a couple in America that are still in my life today. They have just recently become swingers and it's been both fascinating and reassuring to see them go through this transition in their marriage.

Unfortunately the Tradie and I did not manage to transition through the rough patch that our relationship had hit. We were engaged to be married and I couldn't keep pretending things were ok when I was so desperately unhappy. We went through a very messy separation that ended all contact between us. It was weird because whilst I was sad throughout the breakup, it wasn't until the settlement was done and the Tradie proclaimed that he had cut me out of his life completely that I finally grieved for us and for him. It was like breaking up all over again.
We haven't spoken since that day and it still hurts a little 3.5 years on. We both made so many mistakes in our six years together but I still miss coming home from work and having a beer with him and just talking about our days. We talked so much about everything except for those things that actually could of kept us together.

That was the year I turned 30 and vowed I would stop lying to myself and trying to be something I wasn't to make other people happy.

The last 3 years have been ones of self discovery, heart ache, highs and lows, bad decisions, good decisions and finally finding a happy place.
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Old 03-28-2015, 10:45 PM
RedSonja RedSonja is offline
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Chapter 4 - Nerdist

So during my time on the sex based forum I chatted to some great people and forged some wonderful relationships. One of the first people to message me on there was a fellow Australian. He paid attention to the little things, was firm with me when I needed it and was there for me during my ex being horrible to me...and this is how Nerdist entered my life.

Nerdist was 25, single, worked in IT and was in the midst of finding himself sexually. He'd been a bit of a late bloomer, high school wasn't particularly kind to him and it was only as he hit his mid twenties that girls started paying attention. When we started talking he'd been in a series of doomed relationships that lasted 3-6 months and a few fwb arrangements. He was coming into his own as a dominant and exploring kink when he stumbled across me.

He called me his blank slate, he saw the potential in me, saw that I was trying to push against boundaries that had been erected around my own sexuality and basically groomed me into his willing little sex toy lol.

I was in a state of what I now recognize as NRE but at the time I was under his spell. I was essentially a bored housewife and he was new and exciting and a little dark and naughty. I fell hard

After 5 weeks of intense messaging, phone calls, Skype and exchanging of pictures I got on a plane and flew into his home state to meet him. Our first weekend together was electric. He not only broke my self imposed boundaries, he shattered them. And we just meshed so well. I had slept next to my ex for 6 years and had never slept well, we never seemed to fit properly when we cuddled and yet in Nerdist's arms not only did I "fit", I slept like the dead. After 36 short hours we parted ways and the comedown was crushing. Nerdist didn't know how to deal with it or with me and so he ran. We had gone from constant contact to days between texts. Little did I know he had started seeing a girl from his home town (Blondie).
He dropped his bombshell 2 days before Xmas - my first Xmas as a single person in 11 years. I was devastated and strangely enough it was the Tradie who got me through the first couple of days (we were still living together and friendly at that point).

Nerdist and I tried to stay friends, except we kept slipping back into old habits. Conversations would start off sweet and innocent enough and then spiral into flirting and sexting. My first New Years as a single person he was the only one to wish me a happy new year at midnight and whilst I was thankful that someone cared, I couldn't let that person be him at that stage.
That New Years was a bit of an epiphany for me. After drinking myself into bed by 9pm and then re-emerging at midnight after Nerdist's text, my cousin Macklemore and I had a deep and meaningful that lasted until the sunrise. We spoke about our dreams, our lives, our loves and I finally had a moment of clarity. My whole adult life I'd been trying to fit someone else's ideal of me and it wasn't making me happy. It was time to do things for me, it was time for change.

In the January I ceased all contact with Nerdist so that I could try and move on from him and also to give his new relationship with Blondie a chance to progress without me being a temptation.

I was sad, I was lonely and that was when Crazy entered my life...
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