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  #21  
Old 03-08-2014, 12:35 AM
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I'm not certain that is a good reason to shy away from marriage, though. You marry someone you want to commit to because that's one way to show commitment. If you want to show it another way, and the other person is okay with that, then don't marry, but don't shy away from it because people don't know how to uncommit.
That sounds like a fantastic reason to avoid marriage!

I'm curious about this statement - or maybe I'm curious about the definition of "marriage" you are referring to. Generally speaking (at least in the US), marriage is referring to a legally binding contract between two people regarding their life long commitment to each other "for better or worse". I am certainly in favor of a more rational approach to relationships which exclude this unrealistic longevity clause but is that really the common state of marriage?

These stories of people dragging out marriages well past their shelf-life are not unique and are a direct result of the explicit longevity agreement involved in the legal commitment ceremony and the ever present social stigma of breaking one of these agreements. A marriage contract which is extremely easy to get out of, like a few clicks of a button or mailing a two question form in to the licensing authority sounds like a great idea. However, would that really still be called a marriage without a qualifier (pseudo-marriage, etc)?
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  #22  
Old 03-08-2014, 12:51 AM
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A Divorce is so hard on everybody, especially if children are involved. I have a friend who recently D, and it started off pleasant. They divided up assets, and both were in agreement. Then the wife talked to a lawyer from the advise of a friend.... It all went to hell from then on...

For me, I don't want us to end up that way, for now, we get along on most every other thing...

Maybe there is that fear that the grass may not be greener... Sure...a new relationship may start out great, it may not continue...

Maybe most people stay past expiration because of fear of being alone.
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  #23  
Old 03-08-2014, 12:56 AM
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For me, I don't want us to end up that way, for now, we get along on most every other thing...
Makes perfect sense to me. If it's working, why add a new layer of external pressure, barriers to exit, and expectations? "This is working out great, let's get the state involved!!" said by no rational person ever.

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Maybe most people stay past expiration because of fear of being alone.
I imagine that's part of it. Marriage aside, I'm certain that this has been much of my motivation for staying in dead-end relationships in the past.
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Old 03-08-2014, 02:18 AM
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Makes perfect sense to me. If it's working, why add a new layer of external pressure, barriers to exit, and expectations? "This is working out great, let's get the state involved!!" said by no rational person ever.



I imagine that's part of it. Marriage aside, I'm certain that this has been much of my motivation for staying in dead-end relationships in the past.

I have a lot of freedom...My wife doesn't control all my activities... Work hard, play hard... That's me... I like to get out now and meet people. I have changed so much over this past year. I am developing friends now and having fun. I no longer make my wife responsible for my happiness...My wife is beginning to notice the change me. It feels awesome...

The financial devastation of D would be more than I can handle. Why go there? It does work for us... at least for now.
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  #25  
Old 03-08-2014, 02:25 AM
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The financial devastation of D would be more than I can handle. Why go there? It does work for us... at least for now.
My apologies, I misunderstood what you said. I didn't realize you were actually condoning carrying on a marriage because divorce could cause financial difficulties.

I think that is a horrific reason to continue a relationship and I was actually making the opposite point.

Sorry for the confusion.
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  #26  
Old 03-08-2014, 06:29 AM
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I am so affectionate. My wife isn't. I feel I have so much love to give, my wife doesn't exactly pull away, she just doesn't initiate affection. I can easily see myself falling head over heals for a woman... I think if I had a relationship, I feel my wife would pull away as well...don't know what she would do...


She is willing to give me sex a few times a week and maybe, she even enjoys it. I just get the feeling her heart isn't in it...it never has been.

Maybe thats enough ...dunno...its worked so far...

I think its hard for many people to live together for the long haul...relationships change over time...


In the end... We gotta be friends, even if that's all it is.
Wow, a few times a week? That's pretty phenomenal. I've heard twice a week is average for a good marriage.
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  #27  
Old 03-08-2014, 01:30 PM
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My apologies, I misunderstood what you said. I didn't realize you were actually condoning carrying on a marriage because divorce could cause financial difficulties.

I think that is a horrific reason to continue a relationship and I was actually making the opposite point.

Sorry for the confusion.
Money is part of it. My wife has been a SAHM for 10 years. I think if my wife had her own income, it would empower her. Maybe not depend on me so much...

I like all the points you made. No need to apologize.
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  #28  
Old 03-08-2014, 01:32 PM
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Wow, a few times a week? That's pretty phenomenal. I've heard twice a week is average for a good marriage.
Several months back, I wanted to see what I was capable of... In a two week period, we had sex 12 times... That was way over what she could handle...
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  #29  
Old 03-08-2014, 10:15 PM
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Obviously one of your love language is touch and her's is NOT. What are her love languages? Read the book on the 5 love languages - it is very helpful in this area, it was VERY eye opening for my husband and I.
I have read the book... I've read many books.ůMy wife's love language is acts of service and quality time... I love to cook and I love spending time with my wife...I also like a clean home...I am definitely not afraid of the vacuum cleaner and laundry. I do that all the time. My wife is very receptive of affection. She is getting better at initiating hugs as well as sex... I just seem to want sex way more than she does...So scheduled sex works best...we skip 2 days...if I want more I will draw hearts and xoxoxo on the bathroom way in advance to mentally prepare her...as long as I don't do that too much she is OK...

Last year, for some stupid reason I kept count of sex for the year...92 times....total!

So for us we do get along great...I hope it doesn't sound like we are about to be divorced... We just don't have that lust for each other... I think over the past two years we have changed our marriage drastically... I think we survived a very rough patch and we seem to be stronger.

This is all I know about relationships... I don't know what I would get long term with another woman...

Some people stay in a marriage because the marriage is comfortable... With an open /poly marriage, I may realize I have an amazing wife. If she can get out and meet men,, she may realize the same...

Isn't that a good thing?
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  #30  
Old 03-08-2014, 11:28 PM
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I don't know man, it all depends on the individuals involved.
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