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Old 03-04-2014, 05:33 AM
BlueToldMe BlueToldMe is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3
Talking Another newbie check in!

Hey guys.

A friend directed me to this site because I *think* I've stumbled into a poly situation? Let me back track a bit...here is my adventure thus far, do forgive if I ramble or begin not to make sense:

I'm a super active member of my kink community. I identify as a submissive and have been on and off looking for than Domly type to help me come out of my shell for just about 7 months. Not having much luck, but not looking SUPER hard either...I like when things happen organically.

I went to a private play party a month ago, ended up having a scene with a friend and a married man (who is in an active open marriage and his wife is open in the community as well). Didn't think much of it aside from it was hot and VERY fun. Swapped contact info with the same guy (who we will call Sam) and texted off and on, got together with he and his wife at a local munch and discussed a next possible scene at a kink event at a sex club in the following week. Attended said event and had an AMAZING scene with Sam and his wife, which then turned into sex and other sexual acts that same night.

In the days and nights following, I've grown VERY close to Sam's wife (we both are quite straight however, not interested in sex or sexual contact other than anything light) and Sam himself. We have had a very clear discussion about what we both hope to gain from this "relationship". I am not sure about wanting to date, because I enjoy the freedom I have experienced in the last year (being single from my ex husband of 10 years) and I like how there is literally no pressure to have to contact every hour, or check in. I like my freedom to talk with other men...or people in general. At any rate, the end result is he wants a submissive (service, sexual, bdsm activities) and I'm looking for a dominant type. There is solid trust so far between us, and Sam's wife (who I'll now call Sally) and I are like long lost sisters.
We have had a "date night" and he has referred to our current situation as "courting"...which I agree with. We live in different cities (about 20 - 30 minutes by car). I am trying very hard to communicate my true feelings with both Sam and Sally. It's a real block for me as I communicate clearly about literally anything, only having trouble doing so when it relates directly to me...or I feel it may cause conflict. I know that is a direct result of my ex-husband because he was so volatile. They are being very patient with me. I'm still trying to wrap my head around all this.

I obviously come from a monogamous past and mindset. I'm not sure if this thing is poly, but I do have sexual partners outside of this, who are aware that I have this "thing" going on with Sam as well.

So yeah. This is my deal.

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Old 03-04-2014, 09:27 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,955

Greetings BlueToldMe,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Sounds like you are trying to come to grips with the idea of becoming committed to a new relationship and not so "footloose and fancy free." I understand your blocks in communication, I think even without the past trauma most people have more awkwardness talking about themselves and things that may cause conflict. Just communicate a little a time, and don't feel like you have to rush into anything in general.

I generally define poly as "a romantic arrangement between more than two adults, with the knowledge and consent of all." So, what you are currently involved in sounds poly to me.

I just suggest taking maximum advantage of Polyamory.com's collective wisdom, as there is a lot you can learn here. Explore our threads and boards, and see what questions you have.

I hope things work out great with Sam and Sally. It sounds like they have so far.

Kevin T., "official greeter"


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
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