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Old 04-18-2015, 04:47 PM
opia opia is offline
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basically i think i'm in love with this guy, he knows this, he took my virginity on wednesday, i was drunk, he doesn't like me as much as i like him, he's my life and i'm a grain of sand to him and i think it's worth the heartache but wanted to know if some more experienced people think it is?

he doesn't put effort in really if i disappeared he wouldn't notice, it's consuming my whole life, these feelings have gotten out of hand, i do not know what to do should i try find other people to distract myself from him?

(oh also should maybe mention i am very submissive, masochistic and unstable, he is older, all over the place, laid back yet very dominant and a lil sadistic and i adore him and just dont want to lose this intense whatever it is because i think this is a once in a blue moon thing however fucked up it may be)

does this stuff even matter if we both get something out of this?

Last edited by opia; 04-18-2015 at 04:55 PM.
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Old 04-18-2015, 06:14 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Quote:
basically i think i'm in love with this guy, he knows this, he took my virginity on wednesday, i was drunk
Quote:
(oh also should maybe mention i am very submissive, masochistic and unstable. he is older, all over the place, laid back yet very dominant and a lil sadistic
Um.... that makes it sound like rape.

Are you saying he raped you while you were drunk and unable to give full consent? Targeting you because he knows you have a crush on him?

If so, you could be in shock -- and some of this "trying to make sense of it" stuff is a part of that.

Quote:
does this stuff even matter if we both get something out of this?
YES. Treating you respectfully always matters.
  • You treat you respectfully.
  • You expect others to treat you respectfully.

Accepting poor treatment in exchange for...X? That's not healthy. You do seem to recognize it is "fucked up" here with him. Don't sign up for more. Do not be alone with him. Don't pine for him.

I am sorry you are dealing in major upset right now. I strongly suggest you seek help on the local level. It sounds like bigger stuff than anon internet people could help with.

Do you have family or a friend you could call to help you figure out next steps and where local resources are?

hugs
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 04-19-2015 at 03:22 AM.
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  #3  
Old 04-18-2015, 07:15 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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This is polyamory.com and you have created a thread in General Poly Discussions. This forum is not intended for general relationship issues not related to polyamory. There are numerous message boards on the internet for traditional relationships and/or kink/BDSM relationships. I am not sure this is the right place for you.

Please explain how your story has anything to do with polyamory, or I will have to move it to the off-topic forum. Thank you.
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The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 04-18-2015 at 07:20 PM.
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Old 04-19-2015, 01:22 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by opia View Post
basically i think i'm in love with this guy, he knows this, he took my virginity on wednesday, i was drunk, he doesn't like me as much as i like him, he's my life and i'm a grain of sand to him and i think it's worth the heartache but wanted to know if some more experienced people think it is?
Well, let's see... he took the virginity of a woman while she was under the influence a mood altering substance, her inhibitions lowered by alcohol, incapable of making a clear and informed consensual decision. Is he worth it? HELLLLL NOOOO!

Trust me my dear, this is NOT a once-in-a-blue-moon thing.

Anyone who wouldn't notice if you disappeared is NOT boyfriend material. Submission is a gift, and must only be given to those who are worthy of it. Anyone who would take someone's virginity while she's drunk is, in my not-so-humble opinion, a complete and utter piece of shit.

To make it crystal clear: virginity-stealing pieces of shit are never worth any kind of pining or desire. They're worth a good kick in the balls, that's about it.

Find something else to occupy your time and focus (close friends? an online community? a hobby or sport?) and throw yourself into it. You'll forget about him in no time, just as soon as you decide that's what you want to do.
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Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 04-19-2015 at 01:24 AM.
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