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  #61  
Old 04-15-2014, 12:30 AM
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Haha, you're friend zoning her.

Which I can't blame you. The amount of involvement you have with someone is best based on how much you can trust them.
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  #62  
Old 04-16-2014, 05:46 AM
Tiberius Tiberius is offline
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I wouldn't exactly say I'm friend-zoning her. Just saying that I'm not seeing her as a potential partner atm. That could change, and I wouldn't be against it changing either...
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  #63  
Old 04-16-2014, 09:57 PM
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Well, we really don't know why she had that bout of flakiness. Maybe it's not the sort of thing she'd do all the time. If not, then that's not so bad.
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  #64  
Old 04-17-2014, 03:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiberius View Post
And she just cancelled on me again. I'm so over this.
Wow, that's quite an impatient, defeatist attitude.

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Originally Posted by Tiberius View Post
Yeah. I should be seeing her at work in a few days so I'll chat to her then, tell her that I'm hurt by all this. But the whole thing is very quickly getting to the point where she's losing her appeal as a potential partner.
Hurt by what? A coworker you're friendly with cancelled on you and you're taking it personally? Ahem... it seems obvious to me that she doesn't know she's a "potential partner" in your mind. She may have a sense that you like each other and get along, but she's unaware that you've got an ulterior motive. You're just a "work friend" to her, it seems - she's really done nothing wrong!

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Yeah, I don't get it. When I saw her at work the last time and we had dinner, we sat for quite a while with my arm around her, and she even put her head on my shoulder.
Friends do that. Maybe when you were ten years old, that would've made her your girlfriend, but to many adults, that is just a friendly gesture and a comfortable non-sexual intimacy shared between friends. Methinks you've projected a great deal of fantasies onto something very sweet and platonic.

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. . . after being jerked around I just dont see her that way anymore.
Jerked around? Well, honestly, I am really glad for her that you're no longer interested. Clearly you expect an awful lot when all you've got is some wild imaginings going on in your head. She probably backed off because she could sense what high maintenance you are when it comes to interpersonal relationships.

I think you would benefit from seeing situations for what they are, not what you hope them to be.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #65  
Old 04-17-2014, 04:01 AM
Tiberius Tiberius is offline
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Wow, that's quite an impatient, defeatist attitude.
Woah, relax. This isn't the first time weve made plans and then shes cancelled on me. And when she cancels and then I dont find out until I chase her up, I think I have a right to be a bit annoyed.

Quote:
Hurt by what? A coworker you're friendly with cancelled on you and you're taking it personally? Ahem... it seems obvious to me that she doesn't know she's a "potential partner" in your mind. She may have a sense that you like each other and get along, but she's unaware that you've got an ulterior motive. You're just a "work friend" to her, it seems - she's really done nothing wrong!
Of course she doesnt know. But like I said, when I make plans with a friend and then she cancels and doesnt tell me until I chase her up, I have a right to be upset. Its generally considered common courtesy to keep people informed of changes that can afgect them, isnt it?

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Friends do that. Maybe when you were ten years old, that would've made her your girlfriend, but to many adults, that is just a friendly gesture and a comfortable non-sexual intimacy shared between friends. Methinks you've projected a great deal of fantasies onto something very sweet and platonic.
Did I say that made her my girlfriend? I mentioned it as something that showed me that she likes me.

Methinks you are jumping to conclusions without having the full picture.

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Jerked around? Well, honestly, I am really glad for her that you're no longer interested. Clearly you expect an awful lot when all you've got is some wild imaginings going on in your head. She probably backed off because she could sense what high maintenance you are when it comes to interpersonal relationships.
Yeah, what kind of horrible person am I to expect a bit of courtesy from my friends. Clerly I shouldn't be in a relationship with anyone. Come on, everything that ive read is about how poly people communicate like hell. And thats something I do anyway, with everyone. So how can you say that I should be okay with very little communication? How would you feel if a friend of yours that you had plans with cancelled and didnt bother to tell you until you asked if ecerything was still good to go? And parficularly with both of us being shift workers it makes it harder for us to orfanise time to get together, as we dont know far ahead of time when our days off will be.

Quote:
I think you would benefit from seeing situations for what they are, not what you hope them to be.
If evedyone did that, I dont think we'd ever end up in relationships at all.
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  #66  
Old 04-24-2014, 04:58 AM
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Tonight I'm going to a second meet up of a poly group I'm in of Facebook. Taking Ro with me as well. Should be fun.
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  #67  
Old 04-24-2014, 08:10 PM
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Sounds like fun to me. Enjoy and keep us posted!
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  #68  
Old 04-25-2014, 12:29 PM
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We had a blast! Got home late though, and I had to get up early, so I've been pretty tired today. But Ro and I had a great time there, and Ro (who's poly-curious at the moment) has come away with a greater understanding of what polyamory is.

And tonight she's gone to a munch being held by a BDSM group she's joined on the net. She's not home yet (still on the way home), but she's told me she's had a great time and met a few poly people there as well!
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  #69  
Old 04-25-2014, 05:22 PM
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Yeah, poly and BDSM often have some overlap. Sounds like you guys are really getting out there and participating in your local communities!
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  #70  
Old 04-26-2014, 01:11 PM
Tiberius Tiberius is offline
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Yeah, poly and BDSM often have some overlap. Sounds like you guys are really getting out there and participating in your local communities!
Hopefully I'll be able to join Ro at the next BDSM meet. It's not quite my thing, but it doesn't make me uncomfortable and I'm happy to do it with her.
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