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  #1  
Old 02-28-2014, 06:48 PM
Northerngirl Northerngirl is offline
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Default New relationship

Hey y'all,
New to this page and new to this whole lifestyle.

I'm 24 yr old chick. Straight. Married to the man of my dreams for 2 years. In a monogamous relationship for 4. I've always believed that a polyamorous relationship would be a good fit for me. But realized it i guess. Now here I am in a monogamous relationship with a guy that is 100% devoted to me. We've been through alot. I have PTSD, MDD, and other military related injuries. I've recently rediscovered my need for a poly relationship. I met someone and instantly connected on a very deep emotional level. The only other time I felt like this was when I met my husband.

Now.... here's my issue. I think my hubby may be open to the idea. As a V structure. i more want this second guy as an emotional relationship. I'm not thinking strictly physical. We are meant to be together. The new guy is open to the idea. But he is worried that he may fall too deeply inlove with me and not know how to handle the situation. But he isopen to the idea and trying it out. All of us are straight. He is in a different country. But we know eachother personally. He wants to move near me.

Ugh, so many emotions. Please weigh in here.
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  #2  
Old 02-28-2014, 07:22 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Northerngirl View Post
I think my hubby may be open to the idea. As a V structure. i more want this second guy as an emotional relationship. I'm not thinking strictly physical.
You think this because that's what your husband told you when to let him know that you have this new interest and you want to pursue this other fellow on an emotional and physical level?

Or are you currently having a long distance affair and you're guessing what your husband might say based on previous conversations unrelated to this new boyfriend?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Northerngirl View Post
We are meant to be together.
This statement tells me you are neck deep in NRE. That's not necessarily a bad thing but letting it lead you to conclusions by way of "meant to be", destiny, or divine intervention might cloud some of the real issues you have in front of you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Northerngirl View Post
The new guy is open to the idea. But he is worried that he may fall too deeply inlove with me and not know how to handle the situation.
Sounds like we are missing a piece of the conversation. How does one fall too deeply in love if the understanding is that you are going to continue a romantic relationship with him? What about this deep love would keep him from handling the situation? What situation exactly?
Speak to everyone openly and honestly about exactly what is going on.
Speak to everyone openly and honestly about exactly what your expectations are.
Have everyone speak to you openly and honestly about exactly what's going on with them and EXACTLY what their expectations are.
I would have these conversations before even considering moving forward with any of this.

Good luck.
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Old 03-01-2014, 06:36 AM
Tiberius Tiberius is offline
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Communication and honesty. Your first step should be to talk to your hubby about all this. Let him know how you feel.
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Old 03-01-2014, 07:11 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Generally speaking, most people prefer to hear before rather than afterwards that their wives are having emotional relationships with other people. It's very hard, sometimes impossible, to rebuild trust once it's lost. So before moving forwards, preferably before even speaking to this other guy again, I recommend having The Talk with your husband.

When new to the idea of poly, it's not uncommon to meet someone first and then realize that you have these feelings. There's nothing unethical about that, at that stage. It becomes an ethical problem only when you pursue those feelings before discussing it with the people who are already in your life.

Worrying about how the other guy will handle it and all that jazz is putting the cart before the horse. First things first, establish an agreement with your husband about opening the marriage. Be prepared to accept that he may have the same desire, and also that he may want to have a sexual relationship outside the marriage. Statistically speaking, men are more likely to prefer multiple sexual partners to multiple romantic partners, whereas women are more likely to prefer the reverse. Not a universal by any means, just the product of socialization.
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