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  #11  
Old 02-20-2014, 04:03 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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If someone I truly care for and feel like I am expressing that care through the physical act of sex is thinking about something that has nothing to do with me, then it is taking something I think of a method of re-affirming connection and making into something that means significantly less.
Different POV, then.

To me when I share sex? In the context of a trusting relationship? Arriving to the place where being able to take brain totally off hook in safe arms is part of the pleasure and gift my lover brings me and I bring him.

If he asks me what I am thinking, I will tell him. Sometimes I'm off thinking deep thoughts. Sometimes I'm off thinking about other loves. Sometimes I'm thinking about cookies and silliness. The world shuts out, and it becomes only the Universe of Two in that sex share moment.

When I feel happy, safe, and secure in lover's arms trancing out? Subspace without the rope? It has everything to do with him that I reach that place -- where I am willing to share that openly, honestly, directly. He's helped create that environment for me to do it IN.

So he's awesome. I tell him so. If I could find another one like that I'd be on it like white on rice! LOL.

But everyone is different in their preferences so OP -- whatever is ok for you is ok for YOU. Just update your lover on what those preferences might be.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 02-20-2014 at 03:40 PM.
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  #12  
Old 02-20-2014, 04:16 AM
Hmm Hmm is offline
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Originally Posted by aaa View Post
Well, I asked. Shame on me, I know. But anyway, it's out there. I want to know if this is typical.
No need for shame I've noticed in some threads lately, the first comment or two are a little judgmental, but then the train starts to get rolling. As was rationalized to me by a FWB, "I know you think about them, but right now, you are here with me, and that's all that matters." That said, it doesn't have to be 100% okay...hearing about those things can be a bit upsetting, especially if you just let them be. Accepting the moment as it is and accepting that the things that go around in your partner's (/especially the male) mind are going to be fun and fantasy can help you see a lot of beauty in unconventional ideas. To love the man for all he is, weird, wanton thoughts and all, you've truly loved his all.

Not to say this is truth...merely my thought process take from it what you wish and will.
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  #13  
Old 02-20-2014, 11:24 AM
london london is offline
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I only fantasise about other people if the sex is below par. Id feel negatively about a partner fantasising about someone else but not necessarily something else.
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  #14  
Old 03-03-2014, 06:53 PM
happytovee happytovee is offline
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I don't ask questions with possible anawers that can hurt my feelings. My vee has transparency so if a question is asked, the answer would be truthful. Luckily we've agreed not to compare. I don't want to know if which of us is "better" at anything. If he and I are enjoying it, that is all we need to know. Same for his time with her. We are different women with different needs, desires, talents. I know he enjoys his time with each of us. No comparisons.
I live out of state and therefore get much less time with him. She is the most generous person and has told him to think of me when they're together. I appreciate the gesture but that is THEIR time. If he happens to think of the other when he's with one of us, he wouldn't say and we wouldn't ask.
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