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  #11  
Old 02-15-2014, 09:38 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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I do think that single poly are cheaters
Judgmental much?
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  #12  
Old 02-15-2014, 09:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Woodie54 View Post
I do think that single poly are cheaters
How can you be a cheater if you're single? Doesn't cheating require having a partner on whom to cheat?
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  #13  
Old 02-15-2014, 09:48 PM
bofish bofish is offline
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That's like a ZEN Puzzle! LOL.

Non-exclusivity can include cheating, single and dating, or poly with multiple rotating partners, hook-ups. Exclusively can be to one (mono), or more than one (poly) or not dating (celibacy wouldn't be the word because that forbids masturbation.

I think you can be single (maybe?) and cheat. Isn't cheating merely the act of lying? So if boyfriend dates girl one and girl two and doesn't tell either one, is it only cheating if they have an agreement. Maybe not cheating, just lying?

Last edited by bofish; 02-15-2014 at 09:50 PM.
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  #14  
Old 02-15-2014, 09:50 PM
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I suspect many people don't so much "become" poly as discover that they've always had that inclination but didn't have a word or concept to describe it.

Growing up, I always knew that monogamous marriage was something I would never want. It sounded dreadful, the mere thought of signing over my ability to have relationships with people I liked. I was aware of this long before puberty, long before I was dating, long before I had any sense of romance. I just believed marriage was worse than a death sentence.

Eventually I discovered the formal concept of polyamory and realized that's what I'd felt all along. So from that point on, whenever I was single, I still identified as poly. What it meant was that I had no interest in entering exclusive relationships.

Poly is a description of my tendencies, not my current relationship styles. At many times, I've been in relationships where I wasn't interested in anyone else. I've always been choosy and never had a strong need to be in romantic relationships at all.
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Old 02-15-2014, 10:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
But non-excluvisity isn't necessarily poly, is it?
If it's all honest and above-board, it is. Why not? Lots of people who practice what most of us here would call poly, don't identify as poly nor use that label. That includes quite a few people who are members here.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #16  
Old 02-15-2014, 10:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Woodie54 View Post
I do think that single poly are cheaters,but I do know quite a number of people at my job are not married ,or fifteen present are devorce and are living a misserable life,there are quiet a few of them that are still having affair,may be once a week with other coworkers,men on mem ,women on women and all other ways you may think about,but the third or single who is attached to a couple prefer to have their own apartment and still want their own freedom,I even ask a view of them why they will not be together and their reply is that they still need their freedom which they are accustom to .
This is very confusing.

Do you mean that the single people are cheaters because they're having relationships with married people who are cheating on their spouses with the single folk?
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The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #17  
Old 02-16-2014, 07:33 AM
london london is offline
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Bofish

Just because your metamour doesn't want to be a part of your marriage, it doesn't mean she wants your marriage or a marriage at all. You're projecting your needs onto her. Your problem is the division of childcare and housework. Sort that with him. Dont do that thing where you blame her and anyone remotely like her.

Reason i wouldn't date most married poly guys? Wives like you. No offence.
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  #18  
Old 02-16-2014, 12:38 PM
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I think it can be easy to play the field as a young single, but most people eventually are looking for Mr or Ms Right and seem to become serial monogamists, or end up getting serious and settling down with one person.

However, I do know of some young people that attempt to practice ethical polyamory, but have a hard time with it, because one is still getting to know oneself in the 20's, and trying to learn how to be a good partner. So, doing relationships with two or more others can go very badly since they don't have their communication skills down yet, and in fact can be quite conflict-avoidant.
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  #19  
Old 02-16-2014, 02:52 PM
bofish bofish is offline
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Whoooo London!

There's a lot of assumptions there.

I am going BASED ON THINGS THAT HIS GF TOLD ME. She has complained a lo about wanting a primary, children. and putting pressure on my husband.

I don't want her to be part of my family, but some appreciation would be nice. A note once in awhile to say thanks for watching the kid so we can hang out, a cup of coffee, offering to watch the pets while we are out of town. Certianly not required, but those are just functions of empathy and kindness. I AM doing something for my husband, but, really, also for her too.

Wives like me? Wives like me ask their husbands when the GF is moving because she has a business trip planned, but wants to be around so that my husband can help her move. That's az "bad" wife like me.

All that said, I don't think all these actions are maniacal. I think in some cases people DO use poly as a way to avoid intimacy. I see this in my H GF, i see it in myself! To consider the act ions of others and be empathetic, some times takes a lot a self-security that many people don't have. But, as I said before, I aim to learn how to be selfish!
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  #20  
Old 02-16-2014, 04:42 PM
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You want housework/child care exchange with your h's gf too? She has no obligation to watch your kid or your pets or anything else. Some partners do share household care. My current bf happens to enjoy helping me and miss pixi around the house, lifting heavy things like a man. But I've had plenty of previous lovers who had no interest in that at all. I don't think you can put that expectation on your h's gf. Maybe you'll find a bf or gf who will help you with childcare and household maintenance someday. That could be on YOUR wish list, but it's not something your h's gf is required to do for YOU! I sure don't expect my bf Ginger's current wife, or 2 others to do anything around MY house! lol
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
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