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  #1  
Old 02-07-2014, 07:43 AM
RockTheGeekness RockTheGeekness is offline
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Location: Tri-Cities, Washington
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Default Eastern Washington

Greetings from the dry side of Washington.

Getting kinda frustrated and lonely, so decided to join as I have found some of the forum threads here quite amusing (like the one about OKC messages).

I am 32, my husband is 39. I am actually more lesbian than bi. It took me a long time to admit it (and the revelation did not please my husband in the slightest). We love each other, have been married a LONG time, and have a great family...I just don't want him physically at all. On the other hand he is quite strait and has a libido that could keep 10 women quite satisfied.

Which is what brought us to trying a polyamorous or open relationship.

A great many people seem to consider our state to be "liberal" and 'great for poly support' but that is only true if you are on the WET side of the state.

We are having trouble finding anyone poly or even open to poly on this side (we are south eastern, which seems to make it even worse). At this point husband is really frustrated and I am not sure what to do about it.
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Old 02-07-2014, 03:53 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Are you comfortable with the idea of him loving another woman and wanting to be with her as much as he does with you...? That does not always happen in poly, but it is kind of the extreme end of the spectrum and a possibility in poly.

Or do you really want it to limit it to physical interactions and maybe some affection? In other words, would you prefer the relationship was controlled by you and him?

Either way is fine, but if it's the latter, please understand that is more of an "open relationship." And the advice you get will be coming from poly way of thinking.
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  #3  
Old 02-07-2014, 06:14 PM
RockTheGeekness RockTheGeekness is offline
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I think what HE wants is more of an open relationship, he assumes if he gets too "in love" with another woman she will be controlling of him and make him leave me. I don't think that would happen, I think any man that says "I understand you are lesbian but I am still not leaving," is not going to flee at the first sign of vagina. I really won't mind if it were truly poly and he loved her as much as me, but it seems like that might bother him.

Of course what he *really* wants is a unicorn, but I think he is finally realizing what a pipe dream that is.
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Old 02-07-2014, 07:32 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Personally I don't see the issue with an open relationship, if his needs are purely physical.

That way he has a wider number of people available to have relationships with and of course that leaves you to also have a wider number of people.

The idealisation of Unicorns is just getting ridiculous now.
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  #5  
Old 02-07-2014, 08:36 PM
RockTheGeekness RockTheGeekness is offline
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I don't mind if that is all he wants, it isn't what I want though, for me. And he is fine with that. So I guess no real problems there.

The problem seems to just be finding people. I find plenty of interesting people on OKC...but they are all 100 miles away minimum.
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  #6  
Old 02-07-2014, 08:42 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Greetings RockTheGeekness,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Have you read Opening Up? If not it's a great book. Might help you and your husband clarify exactly what arrangements you're open to, and what to expect.

Now for the problem of finding poly people to date in your area. Not so easy, but I'll list every angle I can think of.
You can also google "Washington State polyamory" or "polyamory" with the name of your nearest major city, but I just know that finding local poly groups will probably be difficult in your area. But,

Quote:
"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like Renaissance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
-- SpaceHippieGeek, Polyamorous Percolations
And even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.

And here's a few Ppercs threads:
Hey, if anything helps even slightly, that's a success, right?

Hope you guys'll find what you're looking for.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
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  #7  
Old 02-07-2014, 09:18 PM
RockTheGeekness RockTheGeekness is offline
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Radcon, a Sci-Fi fantasy convention is next weekend, we are probably going to go. We used to go every year before we had kids. Then our oldest was born immune compromised, and we stopped going anywhere.

I am on/have looked at most those sites you listed, but will look at the ones I missed.
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  #8  
Old 02-10-2014, 02:28 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Yeah, slim pickin's when it comes right down to it. And really it's all about just being able to have a social life, period, so with kids at home (especially one with special needs), that really makes it tough. Can you get a good babysitter, and just get out sometimes?
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  #9  
Old 02-10-2014, 02:42 AM
RockTheGeekness RockTheGeekness is offline
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My son died about a year and a half ago, we only have the 2 year old now. And yes, we can get out as often as we want really, we have very good friends and family who would love to spend an evening with her, she is a fantastic kid. We just don't know where to go.
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  #10  
Old 02-10-2014, 08:15 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Oh man, I'm sorry to hear about your son.

I don't suppose there's clubs or any such things in your area that do anything you're interested in? Anywhere you can go to have fun? If not, I almost wonder if moving to a more enjoyable area might cross your mind. I know, moving away from your family members stinks. But there'd be pros and cons to consider either way I think.
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