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Old 02-05-2014, 07:08 PM
LoveBirds LoveBirds is offline
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Default Our introduction (by Rob)

I haven't used a forum in a while. Sorry for the name, I failed to read the guidelines but I will be posting most of the time.

My name is Rob. 33 and very much in love with my GF who is the same age. She is very much in love with me as well. She really wants to expand the family. We're not interested in having children at the moment but we are interested in expanding our family. A lot of love exists here and a lot of good times. We don't smoke actually recently quit but we do enjoy having a good time, sitting on our behinds watching movies and gaming. Board games sometimes too. We recently moved and we are just having a good time with ourselves because we don't really know anyone around here.

She was really digging into me last night to find a way to meet some people specifically for dating together. I saw this website on a search and decided to check it out. I like it. I am going to go check it out after I finish writing this. We're interested in long term but whatever happens is up to fate and that's fine. We're good people. I work from home so I am here most days taking care of business and making sure my family is taken care of. It's just us and a few ferrets. We get compliments on how well our apartment smells because we aren't lazy. We just started getting in better shape and we weren't that bad to begin with. I can tell you this, my GF was married for a while to a real weirdo and now that she has come out of her shell and realizes how sexy she is, she is getting really hot. Nothing is prettier than her personality. She would take care of anyone in need and so would I. I want some more people to cook for too. I make good food.

That's all I can think of at the moment, I want to go check out the rest of the site. It might be a couple days before I upload any photos. Thanks for the free registration and I hope to learn something here in the very least. -Rob
  #2  
Old 02-06-2014, 12:34 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Greetings Rob (and GF ),
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Ferrets, heh. One of my best friends ever had a ferret. The darn rascal had a way of slithering right into your heart.

Heh, have you tried the couple of poly-friendly dating sites I know of?
Consider also looking for poly groups in your area. Try googling "San Antonio polyamory" for instance. And ...

Quote:
"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like Renaissance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
-- SpaceHippieGeek, Polyamorous Percolations
And ...

Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.

Just some thoughts. The Friends/Dating subforum on this site might help as well.

You guys seem to be a tantalizing couple. I'd be interested myself if only I lived a bit closer.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
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  #3  
Old 02-06-2014, 03:16 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Hello & welcome!


Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBirds View Post
She was really digging into me last night to find a way to meet some people specifically for dating together.
Dating together isn't usually very successful when it's planned. It is nigh on impossible to find someone who will be equally interested in two people who are a couple, if you're looking for more than just sexual hook-ups. If it's emotional/romantic involvement you want, that kind of dynamic (known as a triad) is often something that evolves naturally out of relationships that start out separately at first. However, successful triads are extremely rare.

Be open to each of you pursuing your own relationships independently, and take your time, and it's possible that down the road you might find that one of you has a partner who wants to be with both of you. But it's not very likely that you'll be able to create a triad right off the bat - at least not in a healthy, loving way, though you could probably find people for short-term flings and threesomes right away.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
  #4  
Old 02-06-2014, 03:34 AM
LoveBirds LoveBirds is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Hello & welcome!




Dating together isn't usually very successful when it's planned. It is nigh on impossible to find someone who will be equally interested in two people who are a couple, if you're looking for more than just sexual hook-ups. If it's emotional/romantic involvement you want, that kind of dynamic (known as a triad) is often something that evolves naturally out of relationships that start out separately at first. However, successful triads are extremely rare.

Be open to each of you pursuing your own relationships independently, and take your time, and it's possible that down the road you might find that one of you has a partner who wants to be with both of you. But it's not very likely that you'll be able to create a triad right off the bat - at least not in a healthy, loving way, though you could probably find people for short-term flings and threesomes right away.
I completely disagree with you. I am out to create a successful triad and so is my girlfriend. We don't want to have separate boyfriend and girlfriend. That's not what polyamory is about to us. It is very likely that this will happen and soon because there is someone out there who can fit perfectly. These are different times that we lived in. For example, when I was in grade school (1st) there was one kid in my school who's parents were divorced. All I'm trying to say is that people have needs and instead of having booty calls on the side we'd rather share. She's bisexual, I'm not. I don't want her with another man and she doesn't want another man. She wants a woman. Whether we all start living together is one thing, and that's hard to do but with time it will happen. Thanks for the welcoming and yes sir, ferrets steal your heart.
  #5  
Old 02-06-2014, 03:39 AM
LoveBirds LoveBirds is offline
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Default ataroma Rebecca

Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Greetings Rob (and GF ),
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Ferrets, heh. One of my best friends ever had a ferret. The darn rascal had a way of slithering right into your heart.

Heh, have you tried the couple of poly-friendly dating sites
Thank you very much. I really like ferrets now and I had never had the chance before now to interact. Really smart animal, just not the best sight and very clumsy lol. I figured this is the most normal place I could go where there won't be a picture of a wiener every click. And naked people. That's moving to fast.
  #6  
Old 02-06-2014, 05:05 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBirds View Post
I completely disagree with you.
That's fine. Disagree all you want. Your disagreeing doesn't change the rate of probability. It's good that you're here and talking about what you want - this forum is a great resource to educate yourselves. Have you read much of it? You will find a wealth of information if you use the Advanced Search and Tag Search functions for the terms "triad," "unicorn," and "couple dating," for a start. And take a look at our Website and Book Recommendations thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBirds View Post
I am out to create a successful triad and so is my girlfriend. We don't want to have separate boyfriend and girlfriend. That's not what polyamory is about to us.
I understand that's what you want. That's what a lot of newbie couples comprised of a straight male and bisexual female want. We read their stories here every day. Then reality sinks in. After having read those stories here for nearly the past four years, and talking to people at in-person poly gatherings, what I have seen is that the successful, long-term triads have only come to be after having evolved organically out of friendships or separate relationships - never when a couple goes looking for one. Most people here will agree with me (unless they are newbies with unicorn-shaped stars in their eyes). And those successful ones are few and far between. Seeking to plunk someone down into a triad configuration like a puzzle-piece very rarely has a happy ending.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBirds View Post
It is very likely that this will happen and soon because there is someone out there who can fit perfectly.
Are you saying you already know someone who has expressed interest? If so, well, then good for you! Congrats. If not, unless you live in an extremely poly-friendly city, it will be extremely difficult to find someone - that's just a fact. As I stated in my earlier post, you can easily find bi or bi-curious chicks who just want threesomes. But if you are looking for loving relationships, it is much more of a challenge to find one bi woman who will be compatible with and desire both of you at the same level. That is all I am saying - there is a reason they call them unicorns. A bi woman who will easily fit right in with loving and sexing an existing couple, and who will be very compatible personality-wise, intellectually, and in other ways with both of them, is pretty much a mythical, impossible-to-find creature.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBirds View Post
These are different times that we lived in. For example, when I was in grade school (1st) there was one kid in my school who's parents were divorced.
I don't know what that has to do with anything. I'm not talking about 30 or 40 years ago - I am talking about today.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBirds View Post
All I'm trying to say is that people have needs and instead of having booty calls on the side we'd rather share.
Yes, well, you and she want to "share" this third person, but will that woman want to share herself with you both? People aren't objects to be shared by others, anyway. People share themselves or not. The "Couple Plus One" stance very rarely works out successfully.

I get that you don't want casual sex, and I wasn't recommending that. But when you start looking for a girlfriend to date both of you, be prepared and know that is what you will most readily find, as opposed to someone who wants a serious relationship with a M/F couple. It won't be easy, if it happens at all.

Most of all, think more about what you could offer such a person, not just what you and your gf want out of it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBirds View Post
She's bisexual, I'm not. I don't want her with another man and she doesn't want another man. She wants a woman. Whether we all start living together is one thing, and that's hard to do but with time it will happen.
When you search this forum, I recommend you also look up the term "One Penis Policy."

There needs to be a dating period, without a doubt. No relationship falls into place instantly. If you do meet someone who wants to date you both, take it slowly, don't expect or demand exclusivity right away, and be sure to each date her separately, and not always as a couple. There are four relationships in a triad: A + B; A + C; B + C; and A + B + C. Take your time, let each person grow in the relationship at their own pace, even if you get impatient, and don't move anyone in with you until at least a year of dating.

If anyone wants to move in with you right away, be suspicious. Many a couple has been burned by young manipulative women who only took advantage of them for a place to stay or financial help.

I wish you luck!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 02-06-2014 at 06:04 AM.
  #7  
Old 02-06-2014, 01:20 PM
LoveBirds LoveBirds is offline
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I didn't create this thread for you to blowhorn advice through it. I appreciate you attempting to give us advice but we're not interested in what you have to say and your defining polyamory for me so please stop wasting your time. Do you have a personal story you can relate this too? Something that YOU went through? You can read every book and thread in the world sweetheart and it's still not gonna be the real experience. We'll get there, just not with your attitude. Yes, we love sex but I clearly stated having a bigger family. That doesn't mean everyone just has sex with just us but I am ending this discussion. Glad to be here everyone! I hope to start some real friendships. Shoot, I'd fly someone out here to hang for a weekend.
  #8  
Old 02-06-2014, 02:29 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Generally people start threads here looking for advice. If you don't want any, and just hunting for a gf to "share" with your wife, NYCindie, a mod, can move your thread to our personals section.

You probably won't find a unicorn here, however. That is why they are called unicorns.
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me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
  #9  
Old 02-06-2014, 03:03 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Sigh. Everyone wants to form a perfect triad and they are all "different than all the other couples." You can find a dozen ads on Fetlife advertising for a unicorn. And no actual examples of a couple successfully finding a woman "together" that they can "share equally."

Nycindie, as a unicorn, I appreciate your efforts to educate them on what they need to do to find that right woman. But you're wasting your breath, and honestly they're harmless. Let em try and fail at finding a woman who loves them both "equally."

I'm patient enough to find the right couple (especially as I'm not limiting myself to ONE couple, but am developing my own relationships as well). Any woman with self worth, as I do believe I am, will not want anything to do with couples like that, so it's their loss, no one else's.
  #10  
Old 02-06-2014, 03:09 PM
LoveBirds LoveBirds is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Generally people start threads here looking for advice. If you don't want any, and just hunting for a gf to "share" with your wife, NYCindie, a mod, can move your thread to our personals section.

You probably won't find a unicorn here, however. That is why they are called unicorns.
Generally introductions threads are for introductions. We are looking for a third partner. Are you threatening to have my thread moved because you think I made this thread to find a date? Why are you two so threatened by us we are just trying to be nice. Saying I don't want advice is fine. I didn't see that rule anywhere and who are you to judge us by saying we're here to just find a date and so what if we were Magdlyn? Either way this thread is not about all the perversion you're assuming and neither is my visit here. Can you just leave me alone? What is so bad? Why did you do this to our first thread? Thanks a lot.
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