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Old 01-31-2014, 05:34 AM
DancingFish DancingFish is offline
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Default Talking to Potential Partners

I'm curious as to how you talk to people you are interested in being in a relationship with about the fact that you're poly. Like, what do you say on your dating profile? How do you approach a conversation with someone about it?

I'm a gay female and have been with my partner for three years now, neither of us have dated anyone else since we got together. We've been in the "poly mindset" for almost a year now, so we've talked pretty extensively about it. I'm more interested in pursuing other people than she is, but I don't know how to go about it.

I can talk to girls and we can get along well, but I don't know how to say "hey I have a girlfriend that I've been with for a while, but I can date other people and I like you".

I'm in my early 20s if that helps with context
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Old 01-31-2014, 06:03 AM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Its in all my profiles but right out the gate it's known that I'm poly and married. I feel its dishonest and unethical to let anything develop without disclosing that information. Also why would I want to develop an attachment to someone if that is a deal breaker? Best for everyone to be upfront from the get go
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Old 01-31-2014, 06:05 AM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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I usually mention my husband's gf, that's usually a great icebreaker on the subject.
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Old 01-31-2014, 06:12 AM
DancingFish DancingFish is offline
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Yeah I agree with wanting it to be on any profiles I'd put up. I'm curious as to how to talk about it to people you just meet in person, too though. Like I don't know how to talk to a girl if I'm approached at a club, I'm not sure if I should immediately say "hey I like you and I'm glad you approached me but you should know I'm also in a relationship, but it's a poly relationship" ?

It just seems like a lot of words and I'm not sure how to condense it or if I should talk to the person for a while first before telling them or no.
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Old 01-31-2014, 03:29 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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I always have only dated people I met in person.

For example with Murf we met via his car club. I had met him several times before at other events. Butch hates the car show scene so I was always solo driving my Studebaker pick up. We always stopped for dinner at a local diner. He got up the courage to ask me out.

I answered with I would love to go out with you but just so you know I practice ethical nonmonogamy. I am polyamorous. I have a husband but he is perfectly fine with my dating others. Murf was taken aback but asked some questions decided he liked me enough to go out to lunch and the rest is kind of history. He did kind of freak out a month into things because he realized he was falling hard and was scared he wouldn't be a priority in my life.
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Old 01-31-2014, 04:45 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Hmmm. I've never picked someone up in a club or anywhere lol. People I've dated were either from online or they were from an existing pool of friends.
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Old 01-31-2014, 06:26 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I only date from a pool of friends.
But-when I meet new people, I'm upfront about my lifestyle. Even in class, when we do intros and are supposed to say something about our lives-
I say my name, that I live in the valley with my husband, boyfriend and two youngest kids.
That tends to open the door to questions-but it also ensures that any potential interests-already know.
I am the same way with pretty much anyone, anywhere.
I talk about my family all of the time. So even if there's no intro-I say things about my boyfriend and I took the kids..... and my husband and I prefer to play pool at xyz place...
It's pretty straight forward.
Most people just continue along the lines of conversation with no issue. Periodically they will ask "you have a husband and a boyfriend?"
Then I respond with "oh yeah, sorry, I forget that people don't know. We have an open relationship..."
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Old 01-31-2014, 08:25 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Quote:
"hey I have a girlfriend that I've been with for a while, but I can date other people and I like you"
Sounds good to me. So... what stops you from using that?

Galagirl
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Old 01-31-2014, 08:47 PM
london london is offline
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When you approach someone, if the environment allows, you chit chat, right? In that small talk, you cover the basic bits of who you are, what you do, and where you do it. Surely this comes up then.

Additionally, when should they ask you? I mean sure, you've approached them but you might be a huge cheater. Should they be checking if the people that approach them, or they approach, are in a situation that allows for approaching and being approached? If they don't view this as a priority, what does it say about them?

Ps: I started a separate thread about this inspired by this thread and one or two others.
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  #10  
Old 01-31-2014, 11:30 PM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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Quote:
"hey I have a girlfriend that I've been with for a while, but I can date other people and I like you"
this is what I was going to suggest. Or alternatively...

"hey I have a girlfriend but we aren't exclusive."

"hey I have a girl I've been seeing but we we both date around."
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