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Old 01-29-2014, 10:16 PM
Spock Spock is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: East Bay California
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Originally Posted by Vinccenzo View Post
That hot or not, it is still a complete disregard of who I am other than what I look like so....not a compliment. It feels like a want to remove me as a person and a want to make who I am not matter. It feels like an act of aggression coming from another woman because she should? know what its like to be wanted for her body only.
I understand what you are saying, I'm only trying to give you what the opposite view might be.

It takes a little warm up for me to 'want' my wife, (not a lot of warm up, just a few kisses and such), but if not for the kissing and such you would think me totally asexual. However, my point is that I can imagine someone with a much lower threshold of warmup (talking to her, seeing her, etc) because she is, in fact, totally hot.

EDIT: I wanted to add that I agree that such a reaction is in fact a total disregard for you as a person, because it's all in their head; you could be a cardboard cutout at that point.
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Old 01-29-2014, 10:18 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,474

When I first re-entered the dating scene on okc 5 years ago, I found my gf miss pixi right away. I was being swamped with messages from men then, and when in course of conversation they found out I had a gf, so many would ask about the possibility of a threeway. I found it gross and so did miss p.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixi (poly, F, 40) together since 2009
My bf Kahlo (poly-friendly, M, 45) since August 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's bf for 5 years
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Old 01-30-2014, 02:28 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

I don't think it's a compliment. I think it's gross.
I am bi.
But I want to be wanted for who I am, not who my partner(s) is(are).
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 01-30-2014, 03:54 AM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 757

I can understand what you are saying. While I might not take it as a compliment, I understand that there are all sorts of people who operate differently than I do, so I wouldn't be offended either. I'd just explain that that is not the way roll; I need to get to know a person first.
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Old 01-30-2014, 04:37 PM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Montgomery, AL
Posts: 303

My hyper-logical brain would explain it this way...

if you're an anonymous sex type person, then it is a compliment. Those encounters seem to be "hot or not" determinations.

if youre a "personality means something to me when it comes to sex" type person, then of course it's not a complement.

being either kind of person is fine and dandy, but your husband shouldnt expect you to be something youre not. Communicate with him and y'all should come to an understanding.
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