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  #11  
Old 01-30-2014, 05:17 AM
monkeystyle monkeystyle is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimk010514 View Post
I care about them dearly and love them to death I would do anything for them I honestly don't think their Marriage is going to end ... My biggest thing is that I moved from Michigan to Indiana to be with them. Don't get me wrong the wife gets an attitude over the smallest thing and that just makes her husband seems like he is snapping at her and he ain't.. The husband works from 11 at night till 7:30 in the morning and the wife works anywhere from 7 in the morning till about 3-5 o'clock in the evening so by the time the wife gets home the husbands is sleeping... And she says she don't get upset or jealous that me and the husband spend more time together and have more sex then they do
Ouch, living with them, okay. That puts an entirely different spin on things. How long have you been living with them? How long did you date before you moved in?
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  #12  
Old 01-30-2014, 05:40 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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OP, just have confidence that it is not your job to fix what is happening in their marriage. You have to tell them confidently in your role as equal partner to them, that their dysfunction is affecting your sense of security and they should 'sort it out!' If that means that they both make more of an active effort with each other than good, maybe they need to take some alone dates on their days off instead of being together as a threesome?

Ask yourself this also, why is she jealous that 'you' are spending more time with 'him' than 'him' spending more time with you'? Is this because you and her have a more secondary relationship or doesn't she value your relationship? This does not bode well for the future.
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  #13  
Old 01-30-2014, 10:23 PM
Kimk010514 Kimk010514 is offline
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I'm not sure what the deal is with the whole jealous situation or what makes my girlfriend so upset with the whole deal that me and the boyfriend spend time together just like I said to both of them it's not my fault that she don't wake her husband up when she gets home from work he has told her time after time to to wake him so they can spend time together What I don't get is why would she say something bout me going thru their cell phone the husband don't care that I go on his phone or anything and I don't care if they go thru my phone I don't have anything to hide.. She says she don't have nothing to hide but her getting upset by me going thru their phone .i sit back and wonder what is she trying to hide from me.....
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  #14  
Old 01-30-2014, 10:38 PM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Why on earth do you feel you have the right to see what's on her phone? If you ask and she says "yes", then fine, but if she says "no" then you keep your nose out of her business and don't act like she's a bad person for wanting her privacy.

My policy is that if a partner doesn't trust me to the extent that they want to go through my private communications then I will let them do so, but from that moment the relationship is over.
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  #15  
Old 01-30-2014, 10:50 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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The desire for privacy is not the same thing as "hiding something." It's the same argument people use to justify government surveillance (local and national). No thanks.

Just because I have nothing to hide doesn't mean I want my private conversations or thoughts or moments to be an open book to anyone. And what of her conversations with others? What of that person's privacy?

It's not jealousy either; It's a feeling that something close to me is being violated, and I won't agree to that. Ask me? Yes, sure. Just go in and do it? Nope. And a very big "nope" at that.

Now, if she agreed to that and she's finding she doesn't like it? It's time to reevaluate your agreements.

As for not wanting to wake up her husband to spend time with him? I don't know. Sounds like a discussion between her and her husband needs to happen (and since it's impacting you, then between you and the appropriate person).
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  #16  
Old 01-31-2014, 01:25 AM
Kimk010514 Kimk010514 is offline
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I just go thru her phone at all I don't touch her phone at all anymore I feel like she is hiding something from me bit it's all good I may just be over looking thing.. Her husband don't mind me using his phone... It's whatever I guess I have trust issues since my husband of 3 1/2 yrs cheated on me and abandon his son 2 months after he was born
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  #17  
Old 01-31-2014, 01:53 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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I'm afraid I can't tell from your last reply whether you are or aren't expecting to have access to her phone or whether you have previously accessed it without permission. Could you rephrase?

Everyone is an individual. Just because one person is OK with something that doesn't mean another person will be too. She is not her husband, so it doesn't matter what he allows you to do with his phone. Similarly, your trust issues do not oblige her to agree to anything she doesn't choose to agree to. You will find yourself much less frustrated if you stop expecting that it does.
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  #18  
Old 01-31-2014, 02:39 AM
Kimk010514 Kimk010514 is offline
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I don't going thru her phone and I kno that I'm just saying and we'll I guess I'm not suppose to be in a poly relationship
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  #19  
Old 01-31-2014, 03:31 AM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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There are so many other dynamics than just a triad. Unfortunately the hard thing about dating an existing couple is they are generally a package . So break up with one and you lose both
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  #20  
Old 01-31-2014, 03:32 AM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Maybe she's venting to friends and she doesn't want to hurt your feelings by having you read her phone ?
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