Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 01-26-2014, 05:01 AM
Kaymarie621 Kaymarie621 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Tonawanda NY
Posts: 5
Default Hi everyone!

Hi everyone, I'm Kacy, I'm married, but kinda
Of confused about my life...haha. My husband and I, I guess would identify as swingers? But then we both have I guess you could call it a boyfriend/girlfriend. For example, I've been seeing a guy for a year. We've had 3somes (meaning he, my husband and I) he comes over and hangs out and helps us work on our house and I do feel romantically involved. It is definitely more than just sex. It's like were...in a relationship I guess I could say. So is it safe to identify as poly? I'm just really confused. I just feel like, life is too short and it's impossible to only love 1 person. I feel as though I just fall in love rather easily? I do fell as though I've know my boyfriend forever and can't imagine life without him.

I'm also...interested in women and would definitely love a live in bf/gf...both? Sorry if I'm short here...just kinda exploring the site.

I guess again our main point is would we be considered poly?
Also, are there any people out there who have more than 1 bf/gf in edition to their spouses? Or is it typically either 3way or 2 couples? Please pardon my ignorance, do not mean to offend anyone, have just been...interested for a long time.

Help me better understand our life! Haha!

Last edited by Kaymarie621; 01-26-2014 at 05:13 AM. Reason: Adding new Info.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 01-26-2014, 06:58 AM
dmaustjr's Avatar
dmaustjr dmaustjr is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Chandler, AZ
Posts: 19
Default

Definitely sounds like you've been living a poly life to me.

Many different arrangements can be considered poly. Sometimes it's easier to define poly by what it's not.

Swingers usually find other married couples to swap partners with and tend to not get emotionally involved with any of their other partners.

Open relationships tend to just allow each other to screw around, again usually without getting emotionally involved.

Welcome to the forum.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 01-27-2014, 02:18 AM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 5,892
Default

Greetings Kacy,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Based on what I've heard in my time, the most widely-accepted definition of polyamory goes something like this:

"Any instance (or ability/inclination to be a part) of a social unit of three or more adults with at least two lines of romantic ties between them, with the full knowledge and consent of every adult in the unit."

TL/DR ... if you're in a romantic relationship with two different people (and they're both okay with it), then you're in a polyamorous situation.

Note that you can have (a) poly partner/s on the one hand, and (a) swing acquaintance/s you hook up with on the other hand -- at the same time. So, some people are both swingers *and* polyamorists. In addition, there is some disagreement about how much emotional involvement constitutes polyamory. Some people say a FWB relationship can be a poly relationship, while others say it can't. Poly vocabulary is a bit fluid and definitions can vary depending who you ask.

But of course the most important thing isn't what you call it, it's whether it's making you and your partner/s happy.

Quads, triads, N's, and V's are pretty common poly configurations, but by no means are they the end-all be-all of poly. Lots of people have five or more adults in their group. Some have such a numerous, complex tangle that it's hard to make a diagram of it!

You just have to find out what works best for you. Time, trial, error, and experience will help you to decide.

In the meantime, take advantage of Polyamory.com and learn all you can!

Wishing you the best of love.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 01-27-2014, 04:43 AM
Kaymarie621 Kaymarie621 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Tonawanda NY
Posts: 5
Default

Whew I have to go read the glossary agsin...n's and v's and tl/dr ??

But thanks for your explaination! Helped a lot!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 01-27-2014, 10:07 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 5,892
Default

Mmmm, nice tasty glossary.

But for your convenience:
  • triad = a group of three adults forming a poly unit where each adult is romantically connected with both other adults.
  • quad = a group of four adults forming a poly unit where each adult is romantically connected with two or three of the other adults.
  • V = a group of three adults forming a poly unit where one adult (the "hinge" of the V) is tied romantically with both other adults, and the other two adults (the "arms/ends" of the V) are both romantically tied to the hinge but are only platonically associated with each other.
  • N = a group of four adults forming a poly unit where two adults (the "hinges" of the N) have two romantic ties each, and the other two adults (the "arms/ends" of the N) just have one romantic tie each.
  • TL/DR = Too Long; Didn't Read.
Oh what the heck I'll pimp my own pet project glossary as well: http://polyamoryonline.org/smf/index...43140#msg43140

Sometimes hearing a word defined in multiple ways makes it easier to understand (so two glossaries are better than one).
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 01-27-2014, 11:59 PM
Kaymarie621 Kaymarie621 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Tonawanda NY
Posts: 5
Default

So what if I'm romantically involved with 3 guys? Husband and 2 others?

And thanks for the break down. Hahahaha!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 01-28-2014, 11:32 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 5,892
Default

Three guys? Heh. Well if none of the guys are romantically involved with each other, then I'd think you could call that a "Y." You'd be at the center. The hub.

Always glad to help ,
Kevin T.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 01-29-2014, 12:07 AM
Kaymarie621 Kaymarie621 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Tonawanda NY
Posts: 5
Default

Is that even real or did you make up that term just for me? Hahaha, right now it's hypothetical but one of my boyfriends (geez are they called that? Haha) travels a lot for work but I've been involved with another friend.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 01-29-2014, 12:23 AM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 5,892
Default

Sometimes we get creative and coin words in polyamory, but I do believe I've heard "Y" used before as we're defining it here.

Now some configurations don't lend themselves to the appearance of a mere letter. Then you have to get extra creative.

But extrapolating from "V" terminology, each of the three guys could be called an arm, leg, or end. You would be the hub rather than hinge because "hinge" would suggest only two other guys.

Of course calling them "husband, boyfriend, and boyfriend," works just fine too. "Husband, traveling boyfriend, and new boyfriend?" Gives more information for cases where you'd want to. For less information try "Hubby, BF1, and BF2." Or "Hubby, BF, and JF [Just a Friend]" if that's a better fit at this time.

As always ... whatcha call it don't much matter as long as everyone's happy with it.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 01-29-2014, 12:51 AM
Kaymarie621 Kaymarie621 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Tonawanda NY
Posts: 5
Red face

You rock!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:07 PM.