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  #21  
Old 02-06-2014, 01:00 AM
summertimesadness80 summertimesadness80 is offline
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You know that is a good point. We habe been constantly saying her actions are garbage. I have friends, granted none that I want to have a relationship wiyh...cue comedic snare and cymbal. I have proven to be that and more to her, and all I get are empty promises. To quote a little from our last conversation here is a little bit from M:

"There were times I couldn’t wait to talk to you about things.* I was afraid that things would shift if I told you how much you meant to me and you would withdraw.* I don’t know why I felt that way but I see now it was"

That lead to this:
"I really really value our friendship and you as a person in my life.* I don’t know where I would be without you and I don’t want to think of where I would in the future without you as well."

To me I see friend or close friend what have you. I read this to other people and hey say that it implies more. In an older email I addressed my feelings to her cause the truth needed to be aired out. As always I say alot in emails compared to her..this no says nothing bout friends or friendship. This is me than M than me again. A has seen all yhese as the happen. I make sure to forward her all my conversations and texts. Just saying we are talking isn't right I rather her see it herself. Anyway email:


From: W
Sent: Sunday, January 26, 2014 6:10 PM
To: M
Subject: RE: hey

*

Yo..whatever it is I m here

Believe me I got you

Sometimes someone being there for you can help

When I say I got you I got you serious don’t doubt me

I say something I back it 1000% ok

You got that
Plus if I say I love care and worry I m there no questions..will do
what I need to do to help you


From: M
Sent: Sunday, January 26, 2014 6:11 PM
To: W
Subject: RE: hey

*

I know and I appreciate that

Its totally reciprocated too, if you ever need anything im here for you too


From: W
Sent: Sunday, January 26, 2014 6:15 PM
To: M

Cant all reciprocated..lol

But no all jokes aside and all trying to pry your mind to get to your core of your true feelings

M I got you ok

And beyond thank you for saying you’ll be there for me

You help a lot when you text out the blue on my day off

I usually am in bed not wanting to face the world

And a text from you makes me so happy

Just saying

*
From: M
Sent: Sunday, January 26, 2014 6:15 PM
To: W
Subject: RE: hey

*

Im glad I can make ur days better K


I dont breathe alot into what she says cause I m an extreme pessimist by nature. Thats why A loves me. Lol. But this is the majority of conversations or as I call them lead ons. Oh btw I have bouts with depression and other crap, A and myself are getting checked on to see if its possibly bipolar or just some kind of depression. And that was cause of 1st breakdown. Oops on my part on leaving it out.

*

Last edited by summertimesadness80; 02-06-2014 at 01:11 AM.
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  #22  
Old 02-06-2014, 03:25 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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I guess the question is, do you feel like M loves you. Do her words (as shown in your last post) demonstrate love to you, or is there something missing and if so what is it that's missing?

Doesn't sound like M is strong on communication but the moderate amount of verbiage I've heard/read from her so far seems innocent enough.

Do you trust M in what she says? and why or why not?
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  #23  
Old 02-06-2014, 07:08 AM
summertimesadness80 summertimesadness80 is offline
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Its very touch and go with M. In some ways I feel she does. When its about her feelings she clams up, and says she is shy. I dont trust her in what she says. Its like a dog chasing its own tail.

I m doing what I can to move forward without this friendship or whatever. A has began accepting my thinking and M. The evil villain LOVE won't make it easy to forget M, and A understands that. Its a process, a tough one, working through feelings and see what is left. I can't see us as friends due to the point she, M, has changed a great deal from what she use to be. Or could be shown true self. Either way, not usually someone I associate myself with.

Best way to describe it, which I came up with A after dining out, its like jekyll and Hyde. Two parts one body, and a woman to balance each side. Both do have something to contribute to one side. Everything is a balancing act.

As to why I dont trust what she says. It comes off as contradictory. She'll say it this way one minute and chamge it a few minutes later. Then the skipping of subject. From her actions I don't take her words as anything serious or real.

Sorry all over the place, probably shouldn't write when half asleep...lmao
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  #24  
Old 02-06-2014, 09:16 PM
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Hummm, interesting. If you could locate a poly-friendly counselor (I can give a few helpful links for doing that), do you think (A and) M would be willing to join you for some counseling sessions with that therapist? Maybe it'd help M get a better grip on this uncertain-ness that pervades her writings and actions. Everyone speaks a slightly different language and miscommunications can cause the kinds of doubts and problems you're having. A big test of M's commitment to the relationship would be to see if she was willing to agree to some counseling with you guys.

On the other hand, if you feel pretty strongly that M has already "failed the commitment test," then it's better to try as best you can to continue to "process her out of your thoughts." A painstaking but necessary process.

What do you think you'll do, and what does A think of all this?
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  #25  
Old 02-07-2014, 01:22 AM
summertimesadness80 summertimesadness80 is offline
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A is very supportive an optimistic. She wants me to be happy and I want her happiness.
Like all things, its complicated and I strive to make her happy at the cost of what I want. In the end M will probably not stick around as friend close friend or what have you, A will always be there. The best thing that came from this is that A and myself are getting closer and there is more communication between us.

Please do send the link. Thats something A and I can look into. Strongly doubt M would want to be involved. Yes processing her out is a tedious venture but necessary. I trust her on somethings but not alot so there truly isnt a point beyond work anymore with her. She constantly says she is shy and it'll be awkward outside to see each other. which makes no sense to me, because if we are just friends what's the difference?

A will be posting soon about her perspective on the matter right now. They have shared some conversations on Facebook. Would be nice if they became friends. As for M and me I am pretty done with it. Just weeding her out of my feelings is all that is left.
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  #26  
Old 02-07-2014, 02:37 AM
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Try these:
And, if you find a counselor who's unfamiliar with poly but willing to learn, I can list a few links for that as well.

It's great that A is being supportive and understanding.
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  #27  
Old 02-08-2014, 08:23 AM
summertimesadness80 summertimesadness80 is offline
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Angry

Thanks so much for your help. You have been a big help with all this. And have helped me with the right questions to ask myself. A and myself both agree it wouldnt be so bad if it was someone who appreciated and deserved the feelings and attention. It has brought us together a lot closer, so I am thankful in an odd way for this happening. There is no telling what the future holds or if M may open up. Not holding breath for last part. Lol. But if it did would see where that goes. As of now we are over the bs and drama that is M. I like reading other post on how others relationships work, how they came to be, and experiences. I hope we can find a happy middle ground. Will let ya know as everything unfolds. And the links are great thanks on that too. Ignore the smiley on post think accidentally added it lmao
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  #28  
Old 02-10-2014, 12:38 AM
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From what I can tell, you would need M to be more warm and open about expressing herself, if the relationship with her was going to be worthwhile. Her writings strike me as rather formal and reserved.

Good luck and do keep us posted. You and A are committed to each other and that counts for a lot.
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  #29  
Old 02-10-2014, 03:37 AM
summertimesadness80 summertimesadness80 is offline
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Yea M would need to open up, but I don't see that ever happening. I barely see her as a friend now.

On another note. At 1205 pm 02-09-2014, A and myself welcomed our son into the world. This is the most magical moment of our lives. Will keep everyone updated
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  #30  
Old 02-10-2014, 07:16 PM
seakinganswers seakinganswers is offline
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A - you're awesome! If you guys ever decide to go poly and my wife happened to go poly too, give me a call!! ;-)

As for the guy in this relationship (what letter were you again?) you sound a lot like my brother. He has a hard time separating from women once he has an emotional attachment with them. It's hard for me to understand because when I have a deep emotional connection I can get over it quickly. The best advice I can give is that you don't have to stop caring about the other person. I care about lots of people in life. I care greatly for people who have really wronged me. But that doesn't mean I put them in a position to wrong me again over and over. Hope that helps. I realize this is easier said and done.

Also remember, any negative damage this other woman is doing to you she is also doing to your partner who has to see you so distraught all the time.
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