Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 09-20-2015, 03:05 PM
RocketR RocketR is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 15
Default Seven Years and Full Circle

Put on your reading glasses, and grab something to drink, this is going to be a long post.

First off, I made an intro thread here http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=76154
but I am going to get a little more in depth.

I'm RocketR, I'm a 25 year old woman and I'm still flabbergasted by the direction my life has taken.

Lets go back about seven years. I met Thor. We met online and started a long distance relationship. We were pretty young (18 and 21) and pretty immature. We were both too immature to see at the time that our relationship was not at all healthy, and we just could not make it work.

Now, lets talk about Bucky. Bucky and I became very good friends in our Jr. year of high school, and best friends our Senior year. We had a really great friendship so it was incredibly difficult on both of us when he went off to boot camp. The only contact we got to have was letters for about two months. After he went on to tech school (still very far away) we were able to talk more regularly, but not nearly as much, and without all of the fun friend stuff we would normally do.

After Bucky got back from boot camp, I was still with Thor. The two talked a little on and off. They had some similar interests and very similar senses of humor. They got on very well, which of course made me very happy.

After about a month of Bucky being back things started to fall apart. Somehow I started to develop romantic feelings for Bucky. I was incredibly afraid to tell him how I felt because the last thing I ever want to do was ruin our friendship.

After about a week mulling over my emotions I decided to end things with Thor. We had been "together" for a little bit over a year and the situation was not working for either of us. I told Thor I was having feelings for Bucky and I wanted to see if that was going to go anywhere, and he was understandably hurt. Thor and I vowed to stay friends, which we have for over seven years.

I told Bucky how I felt about him and he was thrown for a loop. Both of us had specifically never thought of each other in that way, and now here I was flipping the whole thing on its head. After some thought he said he wanted to try things out. It worked out pretty well because we have been happily married for four years now, and still consider each other to be best friends.

Now Thor and I discovered that we made much better friends than we did romantic partners. But as can happen with LDR we were in and out of touch with each other over the years. We did our best to support each other, and help each other when we needed advice or just someone to lend an ear. Despite not always being in contact and being so far away we grew a strong friendship.

This is bringing us back to the present where, if you read my intro thread, you will see that Thor and I have found our way back to each other romantically. This time around we are basing our relationship on the foundation of our strong friendship (and hey, this worked for me once before, so why not this time?) We also decided this time around we were not going to do any long distance long term sort of deal. It didn't work for us last time, and even being more mature, it probably would not work for us this time.

So here I sit typing out, a very happily married woman, with a brand new boyfriend, and things are going pretty swimmingly so far.

Bucky (who is away currently) will be home in about a month. Shortly after he comes home Thor is going to visit again. The two are just dying to meet each other at this point. They seem to care a lot about each others well being, and I have said a few times that if they were not straight they would probably make a better couple than I do with each of them lol.

Thor visited for a little over a week, and it was just great. We are still having a hard time believing we have come full circle and made our way back to each other after all this time. I haven't laughed so hard or been so happy since Bucky has been away for work. Thor leaving was really really rough on both of us though. Less so on me, because I have gone through it many times with Bucky. It was difficult thinking of Thor going home to be alone though, it may have broke my heart a bit.

I anticipate a rough ride until my guys come back to me, but after that it looks like blue skies and sunshine on the horizon.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Feel free to comment, question, and criticize.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 09-27-2015, 05:07 AM
RocketR RocketR is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 15
Default Rocky Week

This week has been really rough.

Bucky found out his date to come home and its later than all of us had hoped. I was already starting to have a bit of a hard time with that because the closer it gets to him coming home the harder time I have, but the fact that its farther away then we thought it was just makes it worse.

I've spent the past three days crying on and off and willing time to move at least a little faster. Bucky and Thor have been as helpful as they can be, but the fact of the matter is that neither of them can be here for comfort.

Thor has also had a bit of a rough week as well. His job is pretty flexible which is why he was able to drop everything for over a week on short notice to come here, but this also means there isn't always work. This week has been incredibly slow for jobs and he hasn't had much work to do. He was hoping that once he got back he would be able to keep himself occupied in that way, but that did not go as planned.

Thor has also had a hard time with mornings. It's been probably the worst part for him. He had said that in the past he has never been comfortable sharing a bed with anyone else, and he hadn't expected to be when he came to visit, but he was. He slept better than he normally does on his own, and way way better than he ever has sleeping in the same bed with anyone else before. Now that he is back home getting up in the mornings alone has been difficult for him.

Bucky is ready to come home. After six months of the same people, and the same scenery, and the same crappy food, etc, he is just ready to be home. We were texting yesterday and I said *sigh* to which he responded "I miss hearing you sigh. Everyone here does it wrong." I think that boy needs to come home lol.

The week hasn't been entirely bad though, it has had a few high points. Since Bucky was given an official leave date we were all able to talk in real terms about Thor's next trip. We have the dates sorted out, some fun things planned, and mostly it really makes me happy to hear them so excited about meeting each other.

Another good point for me was finally getting to tell someone about this whole thing. I recently ran into a friend I haven't seen in several years (we will call him Coulson.) Coulson was always someone I was friendly with, but never very close with. We reconnected, mostly by happenstance. Both of us have matured a lot and we talked quite a bit about some of the hardships we have been through in the past few years (mostly depression for both of us.) After a bit of talking i felt it was safe that I could tell him about this whole situation.

His reaction was probably as best anyone could have asked for. After a little explaining, he basically said, hmm non monogamy isn't for me, but to each his own. He asked a lot of questions, mostly so he could try to understand all three of our view points. He also raised a few concerns he had as a friend. All of it was really non judgmental and it made me feel a bit lighter being able to finally tell someone about it.

My goal is to tell one of my sisters about it soon, but I'm a bit more afraid about that.

Just going to keep on keeping on for now.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 10-05-2015, 03:15 PM
RocketR RocketR is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 15
Default Ups and Downs

I has been another week full of ups and downs for the three of us.

Bucky, is still doing great with the whole poly thing. His trouble is with his work and being away for so long. He just keeps getting more and more bad news, and is growing more and more frustrated with his job and the people he works with. I really wish there was some way I could help. Thor and I are offering as much moral support as we can. Just need to make it through a few more weeks.

Thor and I have been having a bit of trouble this week. The long distance thing is getting a bit rough and it has just made it difficult to communicate sometimes. We haven't really had any arguments, but we both have gotten really upset and frustrated, which has made it even harder to communicate.

While we were having some issues yesterday a personal family issue came up and while that situation was/is really bad, and I'm still trying to help deal with the fallout from it, it helped put some perspective on our own issues. I was able to stop in the middle of the problems we were having and tell both Bucky and Thor what was happening and they were both able to offer their support. After Bucky had to get back to work Thor and I went back to talking and were just like "Wow okay, so that problem we were having seems really small now." We were able to communicate a lot better after that and realize what some of our problems are and talk about solutions. I still think things are going to be rough, but hopefully we can work on it.

I don't think I have mentioned the full plan thus far for how we would like things to go. The hope is that everything goes really well between Thor and Bucky when Thor comes back to visit. Thor will be visiting for two weeks, during which we have some fun things planned for all three of us, just the two of them, and for me/Thor and me/Bucky. The plan is, that as long as things go well between them, that Thor will come up here and move in with us some time between January and March.

I do know that the time frame for Thor moving in is pretty short, but we have known each other for quite a long time, and while is being in a relationship is new again, we aren't completely jumping into this without knowing each other. Bucky is very much on board with this idea so far, and it was actually his idea to not wait until spring time to have Thor move. There IS a plan B in place in the event Bucky finds it too hard to see me with Thor, or vice versa. Thor will instead try to find his own place up here, but that will take a bit more time/money. Right now none of us want plan B though.

In all of the drama I almost forgot to mention that I told my youngest sister about all of this. She was amazingly open minded about it all, and pretty encouraging to boot. When I told her I had been nervous about her judging me she said "If Bucky doesn't have a problem with it, why would I?" she's pretty awesome. She had a few questions about poly and how our situation works and was very supportive.

Cheers to another week of ups and downs and all over the places!
__________________
RocketR, female, 25, Hinge in a V
Bucky, male, 25, Husband
Thor, male, 27, Boyfriend
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 10-05-2015, 03:40 PM
Leetah Leetah is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 515
Default

Hi Rocket,

I am in a similar position. My unexpected long distance love has already been to meet my husband and they got on amazingly. They have been planning on which games they will be "forcing" each other to play.

The long distance thing is a killer. It has been two years for Ray and I and contributed to both of us dropping into depression. It must be so much worse with both your loves so far away! Ray is hoping, if there are no more delays, to be here in December. I am really, really tired of delays. In the mean time Skype is our friend.

Since we have kids and no extra room, Ray will be getting his own place here as soon as he can but I expect he will be at our place most every day. I have been idly looking at Trulia and Zillow for a year and a half for larger houses in our price range. We will have to see how it goes though.

I will be rooting for the three of you.

Leetah
__________________
" I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant"

Last edited by Leetah; 10-05-2015 at 03:41 PM. Reason: mistakes
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 10-05-2015, 04:06 PM
RocketR RocketR is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 15
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Leetah View Post
Hi Rocket,

I am in a similar position. My unexpected long distance love has already been to meet my husband and they got on amazingly. They have been planning on which games they will be "forcing" each other to play.

The long distance thing is a killer. It has been two years for Ray and I and contributed to both of us dropping into depression. It must be so much worse with both your loves so far away! Ray is hoping, if there are no more delays, to be here in December. I am really, really tired of delays. In the mean time Skype is our friend.

Since we have kids and no extra room, Ray will be getting his own place here as soon as he can but I expect he will be at our place most every day. I have been idly looking at Trulia and Zillow for a year and a half for larger houses in our price range. We will have to see how it goes though.

I will be rooting for the three of you.

Leetah
Thanks for the reply!

Being apart has been pretty rough on all of us, but hopefully things will feel a little better when Bucky gets back. He has been gone over six months now and that is just WAY too long to be apart for me.

Buck and Thor have been going on about MTG, and making plans, and scheming, some of which as made me go "Hm, perhaps this was not the best idea." Lol. I suspect they are going to cause me some grief, but in the best sort of way.

I really hope you don't run into anymore delays with your love coming to be near you. We are fortunate in that there are no kids involved in our situation (and have plans on that never happening) and have a large enough house to comfortably add another person.

I'm rooting for you and your family as well!
__________________
RocketR, female, 25, Hinge in a V
Bucky, male, 25, Husband
Thor, male, 27, Boyfriend
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 10-12-2015, 10:58 PM
RocketR RocketR is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 15
Default Just Some Musing

Another week down, and this one went fairly well.

I was given a lot of good advice on how to handle long distance relationships, and it has paid off so far. Thor and I were able to get through the week with less misunderstandings, and had some fun trying a few new things together.

Back when we were together the first time we used to video chat nearly every night, but recently we haven't had much desire to do it. Some of the advice given was to do this more. We ended up video chatting a few times this week, and it was really fun. One day I walked up the road to get myself lunch and Thor stayed on the phone with me while I did that, and then when I got back we ate lunch together. Last night was also fun as we are both avid readers and decided to read together. It was a little distracting because I kept stopping to look at him, and he kept doing the same, but it was nice to be able to do things together.

We have also been taking more pictures of where we are going or what we are doing. It is nice to get surprise pictures through out the day, and a lot of the time they are really amusing.

Bucky and Thor have been, consciously and unconsciously giving me ideas for Thor's trip here. The biggest thing we have planned currently is what we are calling Mini Christmas. I suggested this one to them because Thor will, sadly, not be here for any of the big holidays this year; I figured let's celebrate together while we can. The guys loved this idea and immediately started giving ideas of what we could do to celebrate, and talking gifts. I can truly say I am looking forward to Mini Christmas more than any other holiday this year.

I was able to tell my other younger sister about this whole thing, and while she really does not get it or know what to think about it, she was very non judgmental about it. I asked her opinion on telling our older sister (because she lived with her for about a year and knows her the best) and she said she wasn't sure about what our older sister's reaction might be, and that she might be surprisingly cool about it. I'm going to think long and hard before I tell her though, because she will not keep a secret from her husband and her husband may not feel the need to keep this to himself. Also my older sister and her husband are fairly close to our parents and I would really not like it to get to them before I'm ready to tell them.

I guess that is enough rambling for this week.

T-minus 10 days to Bucky and 24 to Thor.
__________________
RocketR, female, 25, Hinge in a V
Bucky, male, 25, Husband
Thor, male, 27, Boyfriend
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 10-22-2015, 04:37 PM
RocketR RocketR is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 15
Default Bucky

I feel like I have talked a quite a bit about things between myself and Thor, but Bucky will be home in two days! So I figured I should talk about that a bit.

Bucky has been on a deployment for the last six months and eighteen days. While he has had to spend time away from home before, this has been the longest trip, and with the extra responsibility of owning our own home and having two dogs it has been pretty rough on both ends.

All Buck wants is to be in his own home, with his own family, and not see the people he has been stuck with for six months lol. He is a little nervous though because after six months he has gown used to life over there, and coming home is going to be quite the change.

I am also slightly nervous because even though I am excited to not have to take care of everything on my own here, it is going to be a bit strange going back to living with someone. I've gotten used to a lot of aspects of living alone. When I set stuff down it is always where i left it, i can drink or eat straight out of containers, basically whatever I want to do I can just do it.

Its going to be a bit different now, but the trade off is I don't have to take care of this big old house by myself, and I get my snuggle buddy back.

Yesterday my best friend (she does not know about Thor or me being poly) came over and helped clean up the house. It was a really big help and makes for much less stuff for me and Bucky to worry about. Today Coulson (just a friend, previously mentioned) is coming over to binge watch some TV and keep me company for awhile. Tomorrow will be my last day to have this place to myself, so whenever I'm starting to feel anxious about the day tomorrow I will just try to remind myself that I should savor that time.

I told Bucky once he's home I'm probably going to hug him for about ten minutes straight, to which he replied, "I'm going to be going nearly twenty something hours without showering, you probably won't hold on for too long."

I told him "Buck, I haven't seen you in over six months. I don't care if you smell like a dumpster, I'm going to hold you and not let go for a very long time. But I'll be sure to bring you some mints."

Thor is also feeling anxious and excited for Bucky to be home. He is slightly worried that we won't get to talk as much has we do now, but I'm pretty sure Bucky is going to sound like this after a day or two... "Do you think Thor is busy? Can we call him? Let's see if he wants to video chat!" I'm fairly certain these two are going to be attached at the hip once we all get together.

T-minus two days till Bucky and two weeks till Thor visits.


Sidenote: For the past ten minuets Thor and Bucky have been in group chat talking about building a database for our books so people that borrow them have to check them out like a real library. And now they are talking about the late fees, email notifications, and for the love of gods, they want a laminator to make library cards. Someone please help.
__________________
RocketR, female, 25, Hinge in a V
Bucky, male, 25, Husband
Thor, male, 27, Boyfriend
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 11-01-2015, 12:06 AM
RocketR RocketR is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 15
Default

It's hard to believe but Bucky has been home for a week already.

Having him home has been a bit strange (for both of us) but great for the most part. He asked a lot of questions about the house, and I wasn't exactly annoyed, but I felt like it was information that he should know. He pointed something out to me that made me understand how he was feeling though, he said...

"I was gone for about the same amount of time I got to live in this house, it doesn't really feel like mine right now. It feels more like its your's and the dog's."

I didn't realize just how little time he got to spend in this house. I'm going to strive to make it feel like his as much as it is mine. I think mostly time will cure that, but I'm sure we can find other things to do to make it feel like its his.

Today marked the six year anniversary of him asking me to be his gf. We decided to go out and celebrate a bit since he was overseas during our wedding anniversary. It was nice to go out on a date and just be together out and about.

Bucky and Thor have been able to have better contact now that Bucky is back in country and they are both very happy about it. We have all talked on the phone together, and separate, just about every night this week. Bucky was also very adamant one night about wanting to video chat with Thor lol.

We had a very slight set back with Thor's trip out here. We had some fun day trips planned for the three of us, but one of our dogs tore a knee ligament and now needs some extra attention, so we won't be able to have as many outings as we thought, but Thor's reaction was perfect when I told him.

"I'm coming to see you and Bucky, not all of those other places."

We still plan on doing one day long outing because it's tied into the aforementioned Mini Christmas.

Thor's trip is just barely five days away and I can't wait to have us all here in one place. I absolutely love having Bucky home, but it still feels like there is a missing piece here.

I hope these two get along as well in person as they do online because I love them both dearly.
__________________
RocketR, female, 25, Hinge in a V
Bucky, male, 25, Husband
Thor, male, 27, Boyfriend
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 11-12-2015, 02:09 AM
RocketR RocketR is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 15
Default The Visit So Far

So far Thor has been here for six days, and it has been great.

Bucky nor Thor have felt any jealousy so far, in fact I think there has been a fair bit of compersion going on. Thor has been hearing about Bucky and I as a couple for years, now he has finally got a chance to see in person how we interact and he's really happy to see it. On the other side of things Bucky is really happy to see how Thor and I interact. He tried to explain it a little bit to us. He said it's kind of cool because it is not like he can see what we (Bucky and I) look like as a couple from the outside, so its like he can do that now with seeing what Thor and I look like. (I feel like I'm explaining that poorly, but I get what he is trying to say.)

We were fairly certain that we were only going to try all of us sleeping in the same bed once or twice, because we didn't feel like the queen size bed would be big enough for the three of us. We tried it on the second night, and have been sharing a bed ever since. Tonight we are going to separate just so we can all have a little bit of breathing room, but sharing a bed has been nice.

After the first night we shared the bed Bucky said "I feel like we should preemptively get a king size bed for when Thor moves in." So the guys seem to be enjoying it as well.

The other fun thing that happened while sharing the bed together, we had our first threesome...or I think it's a threesome? The guys didn't interact with each other, they just played with me and I played with them. It was a good time, though slightly awkward, because it was the first time. We didn't really talk about it at all before hand, it just sorta...happened lol.

We had a nice talk about living together. It was really great to be able to sit in the same room and all be able to actually sit and talk about that. I should say that at this point it is looking good for Thor to move in when January rolls around. All of us really want it to be sooner, but there is quite a bit of logistical stuff that has to be sorted out on both ends first.

Having an extra set of hands around the house has been fantastic. In the span of just a few weeks I went from having to do everything on my own to having help with everything. Thor is also very handy and has insisted on helping on a few home projects, especially putting a light outside on the garage so the back yard is lit at night.

We had one teeny little issue about Thor trying to make things even (he felt Bucky was not getting enough attention from me) but after a bit we were able to talk honestly about how we all felt about it. It was a bit difficult at first for me to bring it up because I am better at writing things down than talking, but we did it. That ended up feeling really good to be able to do.

We have nine days left together, hopefully everything keeps going smoothly.

__________________
RocketR, female, 25, Hinge in a V
Bucky, male, 25, Husband
Thor, male, 27, Boyfriend
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:28 AM.