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Old 01-15-2014, 08:09 PM
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thinkmaker thinkmaker is offline
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Greetings! So where to begin? I always feel super awkward introducing myself and may ramble on at times so feel free to skip the boring bits

I found this site while googling questions I had about polyamory…shocker right? At this point I don’t know whether or not poly is a label I would apply to myself. I was familiar with the term and generally what it meant but never thought much about it. I’ve always been open-minded so what people do in their private/personal lives is no concern of mine, as long as no one is getting hurt…without their explicit permission

I’m in my early 30s, quiet, fairly attractive, successful, no children, and am completely irresponsible financially (no that’s not a typo…money flows through my fingers like water…it’s ridiculous). I have been in two long-term, monogamous relationships that both ended in marriage My first husband and I met our senior year in high school, I was 17. We were together for 10 years, married for 1. My second husband and I met 7 or 8 months after I left husband #1, 4 years later we got married and 9 months after that I moved out. I was 100% physically faithful to both (though I will confess to occasional fleeting intellectual/emotional dalliances), husband 2 was as well but husband 1 was not. I was always deeply hurt when I would learn of his affairs and it definitely affected our relationship and my ability to trust. What’s weird…or maybe it actually isn’t…is that I got it, I could understand his need to stray; what hurt was the deception and humiliation of feeling like a fool for not seeing what was going on. And I was angry because he put my health at risk without giving me the opportunity to make a decision…we were lucky but that was totally unacceptable to me.

And now here I am. I am currently “dating” two men, L and S. L told me after about a month or so of dating that he is polyamorous and asked if I was too. Honestly I hadn’t even considered the possibility until he asked…and then I started thinking about it and maybe I am…or maybe I’m just dating multiple people with the intention of eventually picking one? I don’t know. I really like both of them (maybe more than like L...we have incredible chemistry, I’ve only been seeing S for a few weeks but he totally lights me up too), I think I manage my time with them pretty well, and I’d prefer not to give either one up. S and I have not talked about the current dynamic…in fact we haven’t talked relationships past or present at all but I believe that will come up organically soon enough. What I do know is that I am in no way interested in pursuing a closed monogamous relationship right now...and maybe never.

So that’s me…well a little bit of me anyway

Last edited by thinkmaker; 01-15-2014 at 11:42 PM.
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Old 01-15-2014, 10:49 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Greetings thinkmaker,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Yes, it really makes a difference just when people can be honest with each other and say, "Yes, I'm interested in this other person," and/or, "Yes, I'd like to get involved with this other person, would that be okay." People are afraid to do that because non-monogamy is so frowned upon. It would be very liberating if people were able to express their "bonobo side."

Your intro reminded me of my favorite poly-related book, "Opening Up: a guide to creating and sustaining open relationships," by Tristan Taormino. Check it out if you haven't already.

I'm sure you have some poly inclinations; your story seems to testify to that. I encourage you to study various threads and boards here, according to what calls to you, and to share your thoughts and/or questions whensoever you may desire. Lots of good people here and a wide range of philosophies, knowledge, and experiences. You will get a well-rounded look at what poly's all about here.

Glad you could join us, and wish you the very best in your relationships with L, S, and perhaps others too!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
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Old 01-16-2014, 06:32 PM
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thinkmaker thinkmaker is offline
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Thank you Kevin for the very warm welcome!

I have not read that book but just downloaded it on audible and look forward to learning more
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Old 01-16-2014, 09:09 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Super cool.
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