Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 01-15-2014, 07:22 AM
london london is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635
Default

You know, in the UK, the age of consent is 16 so this situation wouldn't be illegal at all. Regardless, it's extremely fucked up. Multiple personalities is a very rare condition. I think you probably like acting like a kid sometimes and that's it.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 01-15-2014, 12:28 PM
Emm's Avatar
Emm Emm is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 705
Default

Ditto in Australia. Where is the OP located?

Edit: Ah, New Jersey. Nevermind.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 01-15-2014, 03:11 PM
london london is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635
Default

I mentioned the age of consent differences because people in the OP's situation often try and justify their actions by referring to countries where their situation wouldn't be illegal. I'm saying even here, where it wouldn't be illegal, it's still pretty twisted.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 01-15-2014, 03:30 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,483
Default

The OP isn't having actual sex with the 16 year old, but maybe only because the 16 year old is straight... although it's a grey area, since she admits to being in the room with the 18 and 16 yr olds as they "make out."

I admit I do not know what constitutes "having sex" with a minor in New Jersey. Full on male/female intercourse? Oral sex with the penis penetrating some orifice? What about lesbian sex?

Would an adult watching a teen couple having sex (PiV or oral) be construed as sexual abuse of a minor? Imagine if the genders were switched. A 23 year old man in the room watching a teen M/F or F/F couple getting it on? Would have the book thrown at him, I'd imagine.

If the OP was a bisexual male, and the 18 yr old was also a bi male, and the girl was in a cuddle pile with both of them, wouldn't she be seen as a victim of some kind of sexual assault, since she is under the age of consent, as per the 23 year old?
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 01-15-2014, 03:35 PM
MsChristy's Avatar
MsChristy MsChristy is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: East Coast
Posts: 72
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vixtoria View Post
Okay several things wrong here. Let me try and break it down to you from another perspective.

1) I have a 16 year old daughter. WHO SHOULD NOT BE HAVING SEX! If she is doing so with an 18 year old. Someone is calling the cops. PERIOD. She is underage. PERIOD.

I started dating my hubby at 16, he was 18. We were not having sex at that age. It's inappropriate and yes illegal. That's on him, true, but seeing as you are his fiance and are involved with her, delinquency of a minor, totally a possible charge against you. Sounds harsh, meant to be. You are the adult, you should know better. PERIOD. As the parents of a 16 year old who is incredibly hormonal and sex being an issue, you bet your sweet booty I would call the cops. Hell, my kid knows that even if he is also underage I will call the cops, cause we've discussed this, she's not old enough, responsible enough, or has enough value in consequences of her own actions. They would both be prosecuted in that case and I would do it.


2) When you hang out you too are a child. ARE YOU SHITTING ME?? I get it, it's a mental illness. I get it. I had a friend who would regress and the fact that she thought there was nothing wrong with doing this and letting her kids take care of her was a big problem. I have a mental illness. One that makes it impossible to function at times and leaves me catatonic.

Part of having a mental illness is being responsible for your own well being. That means, for me, that I have to be aware, I have to let my hubby know, my bf know, friends. Kids are now old enough to know and deal with things like me being slower to do things and have a hard time being motivated. NEVER, NEVER, are they responsible for my mental illness. I can tell you, seriously, that saying to anyone, in law enforcement, in the judicial system, that you were a 14 year old at the time may do only one thing for you. It will put you in a mental hospital instead of jail right away.

YOU, as yourself, as the 23 year old woman you are, knows that this is inappropriate. SO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! It is not her job to help take care of you while you are a 14 year old. It is not her responsibility to say that it's inappropriate and leave the moment you change into this other personality. It is YOURS. Set your boundaries.

This is SO not about you feeling fulfilled. This is about being responsible and a mature adult, WHICH YOU ARE.

Poly doesn't mean you GET to have every relationship you want. It means you CAN have more than one relationship. There are still boundaries, there are still times that you are not healthy enough for a relationship, or a specific relationship, or that they are not. Sucks, but that's how it is, and when you have a serious mental illness it's even MORE important to have your own boundaries and are making sure you are taking appropriate actions.
Actually the legal age someone can consent to sex and how old their partner can be varies by state. For example, in my state a 16 year old can have sex, but only if the person is within 2 years of her age, so 18 would technically be legal, but 19 would not.
__________________
--------------------------------------------------
MsChristy- married female
C-my husband
H-my partner
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 01-15-2014, 03:44 PM
Dagferi's Avatar
Dagferi Dagferi is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 938
Default

16 is the legal age of consent in New Jersey .

This whole situation is just SNAFU.

As a parent I would lose my ever loving mind if a 23yo old woman was hanging out with my 16 yo.
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 01-15-2014, 04:29 PM
Inyourendo's Avatar
Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: sw missouri
Posts: 731
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
16 is the legal age of consent in New Jersey .

This whole situation is just SNAFU.

As a parent I would lose my ever loving mind if a 23yo old woman was hanging out with my yo.
Me too. Completely inappropriate. I would really queation a grown woman wanting to hang out with a child. I certainly would press charges on an adult enabling and providing space for my child to have sex
__________________
Sue, openly in a vee with Nate (polysexual, many fwb) and Sam (Mono)
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 01-15-2014, 04:29 PM
alibabe_muse's Avatar
alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Idaho
Posts: 336
Default

My daughter turns 16 in a few days. First off she wouldn't be okay hanging out with a 23 year old female or male unless said person is a close friend or extended family member. secondly she is so far from wanting to have sex but does want a boyfriend her age. From the OP the second I read her metamour is 16 I about pooped my pants. This is a f'd up dynamic with multiple personalities (if its true).

OP get out of your box of dependence on 18 yo boy & stop being a victim to your mental issues. Once you actually do grow up, you might be able to realize how unhealthy this dynamic is for all involved.
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 01-15-2014, 11:19 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,483
Default

Hey, we are not all prudes here. Personally, I was 16 when I made out with my 24 year old bf, and 17 when we first had intercourse and I lost my virginity. My parents didn't seem to mind, much less think of calling the cops! They liked the guy, and thought his maturity was a plus.

To each their own. The OP has loved this boy for 3 years and waited to have sex until he was 18. I am just not sure about how cool it is having a 16 year old virgin in a poly tangle/triad.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 01-16-2014, 06:13 AM
london london is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635
Default

I was 14 when I lost my virginity. I just think it's fucked up that she is using her mental health as justification for hanging out with a child.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
minor, satisfaction

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:44 PM.