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Old 01-12-2014, 09:11 PM
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JadeDoor JadeDoor is offline
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 96

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
There are two ways these agencies get involved. Probably more, but two that are relevant right now.

One is: Is this person fit to be a parent? This is where abuse and neglect come in.

The other is: Which parent is more suitable as the primary caregiver? This is where abuse and neglect are not all that counts. The big question they ask is: what's best for the child? Financial and emotional stability are major factors here.
Well, I don't make any money right now, but that will change. I've always been my son's main care giver. My stepsons' as well. I quit my job four years ago to care for all of them. Hopefully that matters.

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post

If it were me, I would outright lie to the investigator. I would deny being polyamorous and claim that my ex is just saying that to tarnish my reputation. I would tell them that when we were married, my husband was dating his current girlfriend, and that if anyone is polyamorous, it's him.
I already told the initial investigator that we were poly. But now I'm technically not so I have no problem saying that my husband is still with his gf and has plans to continue living with his ex wife as well once I'm out of the house. Maybe that will work. I'm not even lying.

I just am so confused by this turn of events. I know everyone must say this, but I'm a GOOD MOM. Like, a really good mom. I have my doubts and my days where I don't feel that, but I know that I'm great at my job. I home school (I even did that for my stepsons) and my son is smart and well-adjusted. Just a happy little boy who loves everyone and is always smiling.

Maybe the case worker (as the investigation is over and we have a family worker now) will see this and see that my husband is more to blame for the odd relationships and the domestic violence too of course. I had no hand in that. No one deserves to get hit. Even if I'd cheated on him or something, still wouldn't have deserved what happened to me. Which is why the DCF stuff shocks me.
--Jade, 31/f
Neverwhere - exH, we have a son together.
Amanda - Neverwhere's 1st wife and one of the reasons my marriage to him ended. They have three sons together.
Mark - Neverwhere's brother. We are dating. He is mono.
JBR - My boyfriend of 8 months, also poly, has kids, we live together.
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Old 01-12-2014, 09:20 PM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,448

Calling DCF is a tactic that lots of abusers use. My bff's ex used it, telling them she smoked pot and conveniently leaving out the fact that they smoked it together and that he was the one who would purchase it. She turned it on its head though, telling them that how much she's struggling to be a single parent, three kids, with no financial support from their father. She admitted that she doesn't always know how to discipline her kids when they don't listen, and asked them for help. So instead of walking away thinking she's a druggie bad parent, they got her help and resources to improve her parenting.

Ultimately, people who go into these jobs just want kids to have a good life. They're not out to get you and they're not on a mission to take all kids away from their parents. My understanding is that if you work with them and appeal to their "helping people" nature, you're far more likely to come out ahead than if you look at it as a battle between you and the agency.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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