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  #11  
Old 01-05-2014, 02:05 AM
stephnmelissa stephnmelissa is offline
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Trying to find another woman (whether that be in a triad or separately for us) is very difficult because you either encounter the older women that are practically desperate for a relationship or the younger women who just want sex, experiences, or attention from guys by being with another woman. The sweet balance of in between those is hard to find even if you are a single woman looking for another woman. And it seems here in California EVERY woman just about is bisexual, its like the new fun craze here. Which is very discouraging since most do only last for a short phase or they really don't understand what it entails to be in a committed relationship with a woman.
As for our ideal hope of a triad we would love to have a woman we both could connect with, and she with us, and eventually move her in with us long term. But we know that that is a hopeful dream that we will stay optimistic for and stay open to. We have been open to having other women that cannot "primarily" commit to us (such as a woman from another lesbian couple or hetero couple) be with us as well. But the chemistry wasn't there. Even though she cannot "primarily" commit to us we would still hope there would be romance, reliability, passion, and a genuine interest in getting to know us be there. I don't know if those are to high of expectations to ask for but personally we don't understand why have a relationship if the other person cannot show genuine interest, want, and romance in you (or us in this case). Maybe its just us being to much of a woman and having those high expectations. We have those types of expectations and wants while being open to us having our own separate girlfriends as well. We know the woman/women may not be able to give us their primary commitment level but as a woman we still want the connection, romance, and want like any other woman.
Personally I, my wife, or us would never be with a woman who wants us there just so her husband or boyfriend can watch. We aren't trying to fulfill the societal "fantasy" of any boy. If that was the case, we might've been just bi and going to swingers clubs for that satisfaction. And women interested in friends with benefits honestly aren't interested in friends, just benefits. And once they get that they usually move, at least from our experience. It may be natural for women to always have higher expectations. Why settle? But then everyone has their own beliefs and philosophies on everything so you just have to go with what makes you happy.
None of this may have made any sense and if it did not then I apologize and will clear anything you need up. You an PM me to if clarification is needed or anything else. I also hope nothing I said brings any hostility. Thanks everyone for the replies.
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  #12  
Old 01-06-2014, 11:54 AM
london london is offline
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I think you've got to avoid stereotyping. Like, thinking that because you didn't have chemistry with the last two women who were bi and in an existing heterosexual relationship, that cuts that demographic out.

Also, you need to remember that hardly anyone is going to fall for your wife and you at the same time.
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  #13  
Old 01-07-2014, 01:41 AM
stephnmelissa stephnmelissa is offline
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Well I'm glad you are judging the situation before you even know it. Thanks for your fabulous advice. And like I said we know it is exceptionally hard to find a third for a triad, that is why we are keeping options open. It doesn't matter if you agree with it or not. I would think that being poly like you are you would at least try to be helpful and understanding.

As to everyone else. I do honestly thank you for the responses. A lot of information to learn.
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  #14  
Old 01-07-2014, 02:06 AM
london london is offline
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You said it:
Quote:
We have been open to having other women that cannot "primarily" commit to us (such as a woman from another lesbian couple or hetero couple) be with us as well. But the chemistry wasn't there. Even though she cannot "primarily" commit to us we would stillhopetherewould beromance,reliability,passion, and a genuine interest in getting to know us be there.
Quote:
I don't know if those are to high of expectations to ask for but personally we don't understand why have a relationship if the other person cannot show genuine interest, want, and romance in you (or us in this case).
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  #15  
Old 01-08-2014, 06:58 PM
Storm Storm is offline
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stephnmelissa,

My partner and I want the sort of relationship you and your partner seek as well. Granted though we don't look for it. We are happy just the two of us as well. But we did get involved with a third almost three years ago now... however, it was a very complicated, messy, ultimately destructive situation and it left a sour taste in our mouths for a while. Going into something without knowing what the hell you are doing and with a third who has issue and is lying to her partner, well, you're in for disaster.

Anyway, after that complete screw up we researched things a LOT but in the end we just decided to let it be and if by some miracle we met a third we both clicked with and clicked with both of us as well, then great, but if not then ok. We have discussed even seeing other women separately but neither of has met anyone else we'd even be interested in seeing anyway.

I guess while my response is not encouraging I am just saying there are other lesbians like you out there, so hang in there and hopefully one day you will both find what you are looking for.
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