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  #1  
Old 12-30-2013, 03:09 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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Location: New England
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Default little advice on jealous

So I haven't been on in a while, things a pretty good in poly land. My spouse has some women interested in him, and the boyfriend and I have been together about a year. My current trouble, is trying to deal with my own unexpected jealous. It took me a while to come to terms with the boyfriend being married as I was new to poly, she and I don't get along and that's settled down and is OK. But the more I tried to become accustom to her, the more they were drifting apart. Currently, she has a bf and he has me and they have little interaction (don't want to give too much details on them).

So he has started dating and its bothering me. I don't like to think of him dating other women, giving his time and attention to someone else when he already has time with me, and is trying to work things out with the wife. It sounds like a lot and I fear if something falls by the wayside, it'll be me. Im also hankering for us to be fluid bonded, cause I'm the only one he's sleeping with (this is ok with my spouse as long as its just me and he uses condoms with others). Maybe these are two different issues, maybe the are tied together.

I dunno, thoughts? advice? just need a poly sounding board. be gentle. lol.
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Old 12-31-2013, 06:07 PM
Quath Quath is offline
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I am in a quad where my wife and I are dating another couple. One time my wife is talking to me and she says something like "I don't think i could share my boyfriend with another woman." (This was because someone at his work was flirting with him.) I just looked at her and asked, "Like his wife?" She got this funny look on her face because she had forgotten they shared him. She replied, "But I like her."

So your SO dating someone new is kind of scary. However, if you get to know the person, you can see them as a real person with flaws and good features. And that may make it less scary. Who knows, you may like the person he meets.

I also think it is a good idea to let him know your worries without trying to guilt him out of dating.
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  #3  
Old 12-31-2013, 06:41 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Quote:
So he has started dating and its bothering me.

I don't like to think of him dating other women, giving his time and attention to someone else when he already has time with me, and is trying to work things out with the wife. It sounds like a lot and I fear if something falls by the wayside, it'll be me.
Sounds like it is your THINKS and not his dating that causing you discomfort.

If you are concerned about you falling by the wayside, could talk to him directly and ask if he's willing to reassure you, and map out on the calendar what times are for you. Maybe if you can see some dates on there you can relax about not having time with him.


Quote:
Im also hankering for us to be fluid bonded, cause I'm the only one he's sleeping with (this is ok with my spouse as long as its just me and he uses condoms with others). Maybe these are two different issues, maybe the are tied together.
So you are hankering. This behavior would meet what need for you? A sense of place, importance, closeness, or value in his life so you can be reassured you aren't going to be tossed by the wayside? If so, could ask him direct for his reassurance that you have a place in his life, that you are important to him, that he wants to be close, that your relationship is valuable to him, and that you aren't going to be tossed by the wayside.

Then you could leave the (fluid bonded) or (not fluid bonded) preferences as part of your sex hygiene practices.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 12-31-2013 at 06:48 PM.
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