Originally Posted by ShpaceEchsplorer
The main thing I like about poly is that I'm responsible for making myself happy . . . I used to completely rely on my SO when I was mono. I realized over time that I was disrespecting her greatly by placing her in the soul responsibility of 100% of my happiness. I found it better to ask her to take care of herself for me and I'll take care of myself for her. She no longer relies on me for happiness either. We rely on ourselves for that. The outcome is that our time together is more enjoyed. We have strong relationships, endless amounts of confidence and love everywhere we go.
This applies in all relationships, not just polyamorous ones. Yes, even in monogamy, it is crucial not to rely on a partner for one's happiness and satisfaction. Unfortunately, people tend to forget that -- because we've been taught to believe in a myth that the "right one" will come along to fulfill our needs and make us happy. But the hundreds of self-help books out there telling people to be responsible for their own happiness and satisfaction should be proof enough that it doesn't work. So, yes, one's happiness is an inside job, whether we are monogamous, polyamorous, or single with no partners at all. It's not the relationship structure that makes it possible - it's the level of self-awareness a person has.