Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-15-2013, 06:33 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Florida Keys
Posts: 205
Default Swingers?

What has been people's experiences within the "swingers'" community? Are they really all about casual sex/n.s.a, or do they just as often make the full leap to polyamory and form real relationships?

I ask because where I live has no polyamorous groups or get-togethers, but a thriving swingers' community. I'm a married woman, my husband doesn't date outside our marriage, so he wouldn't want to "swing" with me. I have a male fuckbuddy that probably would, but I wouldn't want any man except him to touch me. I'd be there to meet women.

What holds me back is that I'm not ultimately looking for casual sex, and at this time I'm not really interested in men. In your experience, is there much overlap between polyamory and swinging, or will I only meet women interested in n.s.a sex with me, and while their man watches?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 12-15-2013, 06:48 PM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 242
Default

I think it depends on location. Around here, there's a lot of overlap. Where I'm originally from, there's next to none.

I would recommend reaching out to someone(s) who host the swinger events to ask them what they think.

Most swingers I personally know are perfectly fine with FWB type situations, but as soon as the notion of romance enters the picture, they will cut off all ties.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-16-2013, 03:52 AM
dali5671's Avatar
dali5671 dali5671 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: SW OHIO
Posts: 38
Default

Hi LoveBunny.

We started out as swingers, and had fun doing it for 17+ years. Eventually, the thing I was attracted to was my wife's interaction with her male partner, and was intrigued by the hotwife scenario, in which I was monogamous and she was free to find FB's, or FWB's at her discretion. She was attracted to man she worked with, and it stared as a FWB, but they fell in love.

As for swinging, we needed very little connection to be able to get in bed with them. We did make a few friends, but they fizzled over time with no regrets. Both being bi, it was a lot of fun, and I didn't feel like I needed any emotional ties to engage an night of fun. To my knowledge, none we knew went to poly as a result. However, another forum I read has introduced me to few who have made this transition, but most live in fear of evolving to poly.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-16-2013, 04:06 AM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Olympia, Washington
Posts: 5,013
Default

Re (from LoveBunny):
Quote:
"What has been people's experiences within the 'swingers'' community? Are they really all about casual sex/n.s.a., or do they just as often make the full leap to polyamory and form real relationships?"
I've met a lot of swingers who've either transitioned over to poly, or embraced both poly and swing (some long-term partners plus some other casual partners as well). But I have never been a swinger so I am not an expert on the subject of swing per se.

Re:
Quote:
"In your experience, is there much overlap between polyamory and swinging, or will I only meet women interested in n.s.a. sex with me, and while their man watches?"
Oh I think there's a wide variety of swingers, and a wide variety of swing objectives. The only common denominator is that, "We won't fall in love." But hey if you do fall in love, that's what Polyamory.com is for.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-16-2013, 04:16 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 518
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBunny View Post
What has been people's experiences within the "swingers'" community? Are they really all about casual sex/n.s.a, or do they just as often make the full leap to polyamory and form real relationships?
Of course swinger's clubs are all about casual sex. That's the whole point. But there are plenty of people in the "swinging community" that prefer relationships to one night stands. Also, in my experience, most people have difficulty being physically intimate without feelings developing. You'll probably find lots of people like you....who join lots of communities to expand the people they know who don't judge them for being poly/open/swingers/kink/whatever.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBunny View Post
I ask because where I live has no polyamorous groups or get-togethers, but a thriving swingers' community. I'm a married woman, my husband doesn't date outside our marriage, so he wouldn't want to "swing" with me. I have a male fuckbuddy that probably would, but I wouldn't want any man except him to touch me. I'd be there to meet women.
Sounds good. If you don't want other men touching you, then tell them not to touch you. Swinging doesn't give you license to sexually harass/attack someone. You have the right to say no. And if you're there to meet women, then talk to the women there. What's stopping you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBunny View Post
What holds me back is that I'm not ultimately looking for casual sex, and at this time I'm not really interested in men. In your experience, is there much overlap between polyamory and swinging, or will I only meet women interested in n.s.a sex with me, and while their man watches?
Well, swinger's clubs ARE usually about casual encounters. But all you have to say is you aren't interested in that. Say you are looking to meet open-minded people; that's legitimate. Tell them you're poly. Lots of people don't know about poly...you may well find that some of the women there would love poly as an alternative to swinging. Don't try to force a relationship....let it start off casual and see where things go? And no one can tell you what kind of people you'll meet. Go and find out for yourself
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-16-2013, 05:29 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 284
Default

There's a forum called swingers board that I found before this place. They may have some good swinging advice.
__________________
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-16-2013, 02:54 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872
Default

The way I have always separated it, and really why at times I call(ed) myself a swinger (I didn't like swinger clubs or parties for the record).

Swingers want to fuck first, then sometimes foster a relationship (closed swinging)..
Poly people generally want to love first and fuck later

I can relate to swingers better than I can poly at times. Since being poly to me was like being single. Which meant sex, then love. I needed that sexual connection first before I became in love. At least in 95% of my relationships since I was a kid.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 12-16-2013, 03:17 PM
Razorbacktat Razorbacktat is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 41
Default

I posed a similar question to a swingers forum one time. Mainly due to the lack of poly people in our area and to determine if there were poly friendly swingers who might be interested in dating. The first response from most was no poly emotional type connections, in fact all the men who responded said no way. I went on to further explain poly and some of the women said they were looking for a poly type relationship but one even went so far to say that the male half of their couple was strongly opposed to same, and even refused to discuss the possibility.

That closed mindedness convinced me that the swinging community was not really for us. We will still go to a swingers club for the open environment on occasions but we are Poly and like it that way.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 12-16-2013, 03:56 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 518
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Razorbacktat View Post
I posed a similar question to a swingers forum one time. Mainly due to the lack of poly people in our area and to determine if there were poly friendly swingers who might be interested in dating. The first response from most was no poly emotional type connections, in fact all the men who responded said no way. I went on to further explain poly and some of the women said they were looking for a poly type relationship but one even went so far to say that the male half of their couple was strongly opposed to same, and even refused to discuss the possibility.

That closed mindedness convinced me that the swinging community was not really for us. We will still go to a swingers club for the open environment on occasions but we are Poly and like it that way.
It's not close-minded; it's their preference. But you'll never know if it can go from casual to more serious, unless you take the risk. Most people aren't going to just jump into poly....it can seem very scary.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 12-16-2013, 04:05 PM
Razorbacktat Razorbacktat is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 41
Default

The close mindedness I was referring to is the lack of an open discussion on the subject. The lack of an open mind and inability to discuss alternative views when raised is a clear distinction that I have noticed about the two groups. I tend to find more intellectual stimulation in any discussion I have with a poly person/persons than I do with Swingers. We still have a profile or two out there on swingers sites. I check them on occasions. We are very open about the fact that we are poly but would be interested in a FWB or more relationship developing from a swingers encounter. The bias against Poly and both being bi is so large here in the deep south that we hardly ever get an inquiry from those posts.

If we do, its a closeted bisexual man looking for a random hook up without telling his wife or girlfriend. with a lack of honesty being a huge issue for us it is always a non starter.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:23 PM.