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  #41  
Old 12-27-2013, 07:12 PM
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shurikenlove shurikenlove is offline
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I'm a little worried that he'll take my step back the wrong way. I don't want him to think I'm trying to keep N away or that I'm dismissing him, but after spending extended time around J, I was sick that I hadn't said anything sooner. N is bright eyed and bushy tailed and has been since being born, but J isn't and I can't believe G hasn't noticed and L won't (or possibly can't due to ppd) listen to what I'm telling her.
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  #42  
Old 12-27-2013, 07:15 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Originally Posted by shurikenlove View Post
L has asked me several times what I did to get my supply up and she doesn't want to do what's necessary I.e. staying hydrated, pumping, and eating enough. I'm sitting down with G t?onight to discuss L and J's health. I saw them today and I'm seriously worried about J. It's worse than I thought. I will also be discussing a temporary separation until L and J are out of harm's way. If she has PPD, I'm not the problem, but I can do my best to get a solution going. I don't want to give G up, but N and I can manage on our own for awhile.
Im sorry that you are getting the crappy end of the stick. I cant imagine how it would be if you needed his support as well. When do you get a break? Do you get time outside of working and the baby to relax? Im so reliant on N to help with night time parenting, I cant imagine jow exhausting it must bw going it alone. I would feel so resentful that I wasn't getting that support
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  #43  
Old 12-27-2013, 07:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
Im sorry that you are getting the crappy end of the stick. I cant imagine how it would be if you needed his support as well. When do you get a break? Do you get time outside of working and the baby to relax? Im so reliant on N to help with night time parenting, I cant imagine jow exhausting it must bw going it alone. I would feel so resentful that I wasn't getting that support
My mom helps and so does one of my friends. Like today I'm going to get my hair done and mom will keep N. N is actually fun to take care of. She's very interactive and happy. She sleeps through the night, so all I have to do is change her when I wake up to pee. She likes to go places and is an easy napper. Also, I really like my job, so I have fun at work. That's why I was concerned about my relationship. N is an amazing baby, and even though I work full time, I enjoy the work. The only thing missing is quiet time with G. It doesn't even need to be baby free. I just miss relaxing with G, which now seems less than important given J's lack of progress.
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  #44  
Old 12-27-2013, 07:28 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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It's not necessary to "abandon port". It's possible to be supportive without having him step away from the need to step in with a serious motivation to "save" the baby.
I don't know if your finances allow for this, but you could send over a ready made meal a couple of times a week and a text to him that you wanted to know you love him and care for him "during this time of need" as explanation. That way the note isn't "in her face" but the message is loud and clear to him that you are supporting him WHILE he takes care of his responsibility there. Because it sounds like it's pretty much an emergency there.

Be imaginative. Send him pictures via text or email. Skype may be possible. We did skype with babies in arms. In fact Maca found it hilarious that I would hold our grandson while I was feeding him and let him watch Maca on skype. He was born the same month Maca went out of town to work. So the last 7 months (his whole life) he's known "papa" via computer. But it was meaningful. Because when Papa came home-that baby went right to him like they were best friends.
Via skype he could still see your little one (and you) but be home taking care of the other one.

If she isn't getting enough milk-breastmilk donations can be done also. Some people wouldn't be ok with that. But I know my daughter donated a LOT of breastmilk to a friend whose baby was born premature. They struggled to get her breastmilk production going, but she wanted the baby to have breastmilk. So she took donations while she was working on hers, to supplement.... Just an idea.
Not saying formula is bad. I have babies who were breastfed and babies who were formula fed and all of them are great kids/grown ups now.
But-its another idea that could be tossed out there anyway.
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  #45  
Old 12-27-2013, 07:46 PM
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Oh yes, I joined human milk for human babies on facebook and it was a lifesaver for me when I wasn't pumping enough to meet demands.
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  #46  
Old 12-27-2013, 11:10 PM
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Loving Radiance, thank you for the excellent suggestions. I produce enough for both babies, but I thought offering milk might make her feel bad. We can text pictures and Send food. That sounds awesome! Thank you!
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  #47  
Old 12-27-2013, 11:59 PM
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Oh yes, I joined human milk for human babies on facebook and it was a lifesaver for me when I wasn't pumping enough to meet demands.
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  #48  
Old 12-28-2013, 03:35 AM
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Update if anyone is interested:

I took the advice I received from you all and talked to G. L has PPD and has been avoiding her counselor. She is severely depressed and G has been doing everything he can, but it has gone on too long and he really needs help. I offered up some milk for J and he was incredibly grateful, but L became very despondent and cried. She said that I was just a better mom and that she was horrible for needing help to feed her baby. I honestly had no idea that things were this bad. She didn't want G to tell me because she didn't want me to think she couldn't take care of J. G has been begging her to supplement and she has outright refused. I told him that getting L and J back on track was priority number 1 and that everything else besides taking care of N would have to wait.

I am so glad that I came on here and asked a simple question about perceived jealousy that uncovered a huge problem in our family. I feel bad that I was taking her PPD personally. Now that I know everything I can help. G was so relieved that I came to him and addressed my concerns because he needed help and didn't know how to ask. Thank you all for your help.
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  #49  
Old 12-28-2013, 03:42 AM
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SouthernGal SouthernGal is offline
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I hope you are both able to help her. He might need to enlist help from her friends and family. She needs help and support, and as much as I hate to say it, she should not be left alone with the baby until she's stabilized. I speak from experience.
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  #50  
Old 12-28-2013, 03:45 AM
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I'm glad you found this out.

And yes, I know plenty about giving birth. Anyone who knows me personally would die laughing at even the suggestion that I might not.

It doesn't matter if you think his reasons for 'getting her pregnant' were good enough, all that matters right now, as I originally said, is two babies, two new human beings who need to be taken care of. I hope this new information will help with that.
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