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  #31  
Old 12-27-2013, 02:22 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by london View Post
If a baby is lethargic and underfed, a doctor would admit them to hospital if they wanted to keep their job.


I disagree. I once had a mom come to my breastfeeding support group with a failure to thrive baby, shrunken, wrinkled and with zero energy. 6 months old, the size of a 3 months old. She wasn't breastfeeding him enough (he was a very laid back child with big sisters eager to hold him, so mom would feed him for a few minutes and pass him to a sister). She didn't like doctors and refused to give her baby bottles of formula as he was recommending. Luckily she trusted the Leaders in my group. We set her up with a pump to get her supply up, and got her feeding that baby round the clock, breastfeeding directly, and supplementing with a dropper with her pumped milk or formula (until her supply increased) when baby got tired suckling at the breast. He doubled his weight in a couple months. Whew! It was a scary thing.

In this case, OP, I'd say your metamour has major problems. A failure to thrive baby, inablity to care for him, or for herself. Have some compassion and dump her husband. This sounds like a clusterfuck, and your need for romantic activity is overshadowed by the imminent risk to that baby's life.

If her husband is no longer so torn between the 2 of you, maybe he can get some bottles of formula and start feeding his child himself! Or talk his wife into breastfeeding longer and more often, and pumping. There is no time to waste here!

You could also call CPS on them if need be. Not feeding a newborn often enough is child abuse.
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  #32  
Old 12-27-2013, 02:39 PM
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shurikenlove shurikenlove is offline
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It's possible L is experiencing post-partum depression. I would bring this up to G. He's likely the only one that might be able to help her deal with it if that is the case. He could try talking to her OB about it and possibly the pediatrician if the OB is unavailable to him for some reason. I had post-partum deression for 2 years after my first child was born. I can't stress enough how irrational it can make you, and it could well put their baby at risk - already is if he's not thriving and she's not adjusting to take care of it. Please don't take it personally if that is what's going on, either. PP depression is a beast with a life of it's own and horrific to deal with. It doesn't care about anything and is very dangerous if left untreated. Please consider discussing this with G.
I will right away. That's a big deal. I had severe baby blues, but I can't imagine what true PPD is like.
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  #33  
Old 12-27-2013, 02:49 PM
Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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He has the kid 5x a week, on his own. It's couple time they struggle to find
Oh that's good. Glad he's stepping up to be a good father then. I must have missed that post
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  #34  
Old 12-27-2013, 02:56 PM
Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Eta nevermind I kept reading. If she's not taking care of the baby then he shouldn't be leaving her alone with baby at all. Geez how scary. I wouldn't be able to enjoy any time with him knowing that poor baby could be in danger I do rhink giventhis new piece of info breaking up at least temporary is a good solution. The other mother needs to get help first
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Last edited by Inyourendo; 12-27-2013 at 03:05 PM.
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  #35  
Old 12-27-2013, 05:16 PM
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This is why I specified a doctor who wants to keep their job

There are steps that hcp's have to take in such cases. Unfortunately, their practice is only critiqued after a child is harmed significantly
Basically a shit doctor
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  #36  
Old 12-27-2013, 06:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
I think you aren't being treated like a partner. He's shown preferences all through your pregnacy and now and now that the baby is here hes not giving your child equal time. I would step away and let him be a coparent instead of a romantic partner because it sounds like she is going to find any reason to interfere at least if you arrnt involved romantically your child could have a dad half the time instead of little snippets when the wife allows him to go over. I think a proper custody arrangement is a splendid idea.
He has apologized repeatedly over his behavior during my pregnancy and I think he's trying to overcompensate. He spends plenty of time with N, so I'm not worried about that. I'm a healthy, upbeat person and L is not so oftentimes he assumes that I can handle myself and that I don't need emotional support. I've had to explain to him that that is not the case.
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  #37  
Old 12-27-2013, 06:25 PM
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L has asked me several times what I did to get my supply up and she doesn't want to do what's necessary I.e. staying hydrated, pumping, and eating enough. I'm sitting down with G tonight to discuss L and J's health. I saw them today and I'm seriously worried about J. It's worse than I thought. I will also be discussing a temporary separation until L and J are out of harm's way. If she has PPD, I'm not the problem, but I can do my best to get a solution going. I don't want to give G up, but N and I can manage on our own for awhile.
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  #38  
Old 12-27-2013, 07:02 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I haven't read the whole thread-I read the first page.

But I wanted to say-it may be helpful if you could step out of the "dyad" thought and call her up. Ask her to meet you (babies in tow) someplace neutral and baby friendly.
If she agrees;
don't bring up the shared man.
Tell her you don't want to talk about him today. Today is about YOU, HER and the babies.
Let her know that you want to know how you can help foster a friendly relationship between YOU AND HER for the sake of your children. That you want the children to benefit from having siblings, not be hurt because their parents may have had some timing issues or other complications.

She may vent. Let her-don't rise to arguing. Her feelings may be completely irrational-but they are her feelings. Let her get that out.

But instead of going into the details of all of those things; bring it back to;
"I'm sorry you are hurt/angry/whatever; but I know you and I both have the same desire to make life for our children the best it can be and I want to work with you towards this goal."

Sometimes; if you can just refocus the attention on what is MOST important; some of the other stuff will resolve itself. You (and she) can't change him. He sounds like he isn't pulling his weight as the hinge in the dynamic or the father to BOTH children.
It may be the case that she is struggling with him not doing his share at home. Whereas you sound very independent and while he's not doing his share-you aren't fighting about it.
With my first child, I just let it go. My bf failed to step up to the plate. I ended up raising her alone the first 6 years. Then I got married.
I fought when it was my husband. My husband didn't pull his share (no poly dynamic at that time) when our son was a baby. I flipped my lid. I called him when he was out with friends because he SHOULD HAVE BEEN HOME WITH HIS SON so I could get a break.
It may be that she isn't willing to let him get away with not doing his part. Even if she doesn't know a HEALTHY way of putting her foot down-she may have a legitimate reason for being upset.
He may have no idea HOW to do it. Any of it. One child is a learning curve. 2 at once is hard as hell. 2 at once in different homes with different moms who have different expectations. I can't imagine.

So-take it out of the romantic entanglement and put the topic of the kids best interests on the table. See if that helps?
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  #39  
Old 12-27-2013, 07:04 PM
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You need to bow out OP...

G needs to take care of his children and L right now. You romantic needs are the last thing are the list.
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  #40  
Old 12-27-2013, 07:05 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Rreading the last page-definitely agree with backing up and promoting them getting help.
But I still think-if you can get her to meet with you; do it anyway. Sometimes; the oddest person can be help. You could even make the offer to go with her to the doctor. Ask her how you can be of help TO HER.
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