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  #11  
Old 12-20-2013, 02:24 AM
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I don't rank my relationships according to a primary/secondary hierarchy and I make myself available on a "first come, first served" basis. Whoever schedules and confirms time with me first gets put on my calendar and I don't cancel for other people. Whoever else wants time with me waits to see when I can schedule them in. I live alone and practice my egalitarian brand of poly as a solo. No one is more important than anyone else, and the frequency at which I can get together with someone varies according to what is going on in our lives but could be once every few weeks to three times a week. It would be highly unusual for me to see any lover more often than that.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 12-22-2013 at 04:09 PM.
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  #12  
Old 12-20-2013, 02:35 AM
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I spend between 2 days and 8 days a month with Richard and we've been together for 10 years. I spend an average of one day and night with Lee every other month and we've been in a relationship for 4 years. I have other people that I see also. My relationships are pretty intense and very emotionally intimate. We focus on quality time together rather than quantity.
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  #13  
Old 12-20-2013, 03:00 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Like LR, I live with both of my boys. Unlike LR, we all share a bedroom. So, I see them both every day when everyone is home. I sleep in my bed every night that I am home, and either or both boys (and anyone else who is there) are free to sleep there too if our schedules match up.

Lotus is the most recent addition to our poly tangle. She and Dude txt about daily and she and I txt some. We have been seeing her about every other week end - but we actually don't have any sort of schedule (me and her husband are the ones who have work scheduling issues - the others are free to make their own schedule). She lives with her husband - approx an hour away. She tends to come down when her husband is out of town. Otherwise either Dude, or Dude+me, or Dude+me+MrS go to see here (and her husband, if he is free).

I see my FWBs (VV and MsJ) when the opportunity arises...usually once or twice a year.
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (23+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (4+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi married female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #14  
Old 12-20-2013, 03:12 AM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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I don't really believe in primaries and secondaries.

I live with my husband, so I see him every day. SEE him, that is, I don't get to spend quality, date-like time with him every day.

Other people I am dating, I generally see once or twice a week. If schedules work out and I get to see them more often, I love it.

I have friends that I see at least once every other week, ideally once a week.

No kids, and I have a 4 day work week, which helps me see people quite a bit.
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  #15  
Old 12-20-2013, 12:48 PM
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P spends two days with me, then two days with M1 (homes are 1.5 hours apart). If there's an event or something that requires rescheduling, then we swap some days around such that it's workable. It's more of a co-primary arrangement than primary/secondary, although we don't really use the terms.

P doesn't really have much time to himself, though, and at this point, doesn't really know what to do with himself when he does. That part's still a work in progress, I think.
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #16  
Old 12-20-2013, 11:55 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Gralson works out of town, 10 days on 4 days off. He's usually home for 2-4 of those days, depending on where he's working and how long it takes to travel there.

I see Auto when we can. Her work and family life are really busy. We go through waves of higher and lower frequency.

Because I only have a few days to see Gralson each month, and we are married after all, I usually don't book non-family stuff on those weekends (except beamtime). Auto understands and isn't bothered by this.
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  #17  
Old 12-21-2013, 12:32 AM
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It took us a while to come up with an equitable schedule, but I alternate back and forth between the ladies. For example:
Monday - Marie
Tuesday - Jo
Wednesday - Marie
Thursday - Jo
Friday - Marie
Saterday - Jo
Sunday's used to be a family day when we would get together with the kids and grandchildren, enjoy a meal at Jo's place (it's bigger) or we would go out to eat at a local restaurant, but while we go out once a month, the ladies requested that I split the day between them. So now I go to church with Marie and have lunch with her, then I head over to Jo's around dinner time and spend the evening there.
Now of course nothing is written in stone, and the ladies frequently trade days for Dr's appointments and birthdays, etc. so I can be with them.
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  #18  
Old 12-21-2013, 01:19 AM
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It's so interesting to read everyone's schedules and see how many ways there are to work multiple relationships into one's life!!! Thanks to the OP for starting the thread, and to everyone who contributed!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #19  
Old 12-21-2013, 01:49 AM
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I agree! It is interesting to see that poly is a personal lifestyle and there are as many ways to "do poly" as their are people "doing it"!!!
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  #20  
Old 12-21-2013, 03:31 AM
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Hinge Lady's current schedule as I know it (We all three live together):
  • Sun -- Brother-Husband works, Hinge Lady is off but may be on call, spends a good bit of time with me. Has the evening with Brother-Husband after he gets home. (We all three dine together and Brother-Husband and I often watch a show in the evening.) Hinge lady sleeps in Brother-Husband's bedroom with him.
  • Mon -- Brother-Husband works, Hinge Lady works at home, spends time with me off and on (including a once/week encounter and yes we schedule it, it works better for us that way), then with Brother-Husband after he gets home. (We all three dine together and Brother-Husband and I often watch a show in the evening.) Hinge lady sleeps in my bedroom with me.
  • Tue -- Brother-Husband works, Hinge Lady works at home, spends time with me off and on then with Brother-Husband after he gets home. (We all three dine together and Brother-Husband and I often watch a show in the evening.) Hinge lady sleeps in Brother-Husband's bedroom with him.
  • Wed -- Brother-Husband works, Hinge Lady works at home, spends time with me off and on then with Brother-Husband after he gets home. (We all three dine together and Brother-Husband and I often watch a show in the evening.) Hinge lady sleeps in my bedroom with me.
  • Thu -- Brother-Husband's off, Hinge Lady works at home but spends much of the day with him. (We all three dine together and Brother-Husband and I often watch a show in the evening.) Hinge lady sleeps in Brother-Husband's bedroom with him.
  • Fri -- Brother-Husband's off, Hinge Lady works at home but spends much of the day with him. (We all three dine together and Brother-Husband and I often watch a show in the evening.) Hinge lady sleeps in my bedroom with me.
  • Sat -- Brother-Husband works, Hinge Lady is off but may be on call, spends a good bit of time with me. Has the evening with Brother-Husband after he gets home. (We all three dine together and Brother-Husband and I often watch a show in the evening.) Hinge lady sleeps in Brother-Husband's bedroom with him.
The above is subject to change for any number of reasons including if work schedules change (permanently or just for that week).

Blissfully boring.
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