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  #11  
Old 08-26-2014, 03:18 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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I'm feeling down the last few days and I'm not sure why. Part of it was that I came down with a sinus infection 10 days ago and it's still hanging around. I've been improving for 7 of them so didn't go get antibiotics. It's almost run it's course but that could be putting me in a bad mood.

Partially related is that none of my lovers have been spending much time with me. Kay has dived back into school. Stakes is trying to manage two new ones (along with NRE issues), as well as deal with some from the past. Susan just hasn't wanted to spend any time together. All have been talking a good game, but when I've been available, they haven't been and it's wearing on me. None of it's logical, but then emotion isn't.

I'm headed out to see Susan on Friday. You'd think that would have so excited I couldn't think straight. Sometimes I'm just needy I guess.
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Me: 41 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 19 years
LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 4 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
Ironically named Farmgirl - local interest
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  #12  
Old 09-02-2014, 05:20 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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That was a fantastic weekend. That's the first time that Susan and I have had an uninterrupted stay together. Previously I've stayed at a hotel, and she'll go home for a while to take care of house stuff. Then we meet up later. This time I stayed with her and so we were together the whole time. It was smooth and easy and fun. I met her best friend. We went to dinner and went shopping. We watched one of her favorite movies. Absolutely wonderful. I'm excited to head back.

Kay was good. She said she got little pangs when she'd wake up in the morning and I wasn't there, but nothing different than when I'm on a business trip. The three of us are going to have dinner when Susan comes in November.

Stakes is going through a tough time. I'm going to help her through it as best I can.
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Me: 41 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 19 years
LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 4 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
Ironically named Farmgirl - local interest
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  #13  
Old 09-05-2014, 08:54 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Something I didn't mention, and it came up today, I told my parents I have a girlfriend. It scared my dad. He thinks Kay will change her mind and run off with the kids. That makes me wonder how much actual time and effort he has spent getting to know my wife. It's far, far more likely she'd run off and leave me with the kids. In any case, neither would happen.

My mom took it as a personal attack on her and refused to talk about it. Days later, she sent me a rambling email with questions for me not to answer. I answered them anyway, but sent it to my dad to give to her over time.

I think they both plan on ignoring it.

Next up will be the kids. I'm going to be seeing Susan more and I want to be able to tell them, "I'm going to see my friend, Susan." I don't need to elaborate, but when they find out (and kids are smarter than they are given credit for), I don't want it to be a complete shock or look like I was hiding anything.
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Me: 41 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 19 years
LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 4 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
Ironically named Farmgirl - local interest
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  #14  
Old 09-09-2014, 01:53 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Things just can't stay stable. Susan is starting to date. I'm happy for her, but scared of what that will do to us. It was just coffee yesterday, but he asked her out again and they've been texting for a while. It won't change my visit at the end of the month, but November is a long way off. Even if we go (which I would expect), I'm not excited about a our first vacation dealing with NRE.

And yes, I get it. It was just a coffee and maybe not even a real first date. But if you are attractive, can hold a conversation, and treat her like a princess, she's going to be interested. I've yet to see her push anyone away. I don't know how long it takes her to get serious about someone though.

I really don't know anything about dating. My last real date was 20 years ago. I certainly don't know what it's like for mature adults. I hate going into this stuff blind
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Me: 41 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 19 years
LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 4 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
Ironically named Farmgirl - local interest
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  #15  
Old 09-12-2014, 08:29 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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This has been an interesting week. I was struggling a bit. I'm not sure why I was down. I'm sure it was a combination of Susan dating, Stakes got into some legal trouble, some frustration with other relationships, some home stress (wife in school leaves very little free time), and work has been very busy as well.

I decided to donate to Stake's legal fund. She really needs a break. She's just now back on her feet and losing her job and/or apartment would be absolutely awful. Could set her back years if not permanently. I really hope she can get through this.

The karma must have been good since I did really well at poker that night.

When I got home I skyped with Susan and it was really nice. We cleared up a silly issue from earlier in the week. We talked about dating. She said that even though she's dated a few guys long term, there were only two she was really crazy about. She also talked about how she has no intention on giving up the men she cares about even to a new boyfriend. She just wants someone local. It's much more fun than long distance relationships, which kinda goes without saying. I felt much more secure afterward though. She's not trying to replace us, just to complement us.

We chatted today and was so excited that I made some plans and reservations for next time I see her. I really do make her happy and she's wonderful about letting me know. I need to trust our relationships more.

Kay is turning 40 tomorrow. I've lined up a nice party for her on Sunday. She's going to be really happy with the guest list.
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Me: 41 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 19 years
LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 4 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
Ironically named Farmgirl - local interest
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  #16  
Old 09-15-2014, 03:06 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Susan's date went well for the most part. Positives are they laughed and talked for hours. He has a lot of characteristics she likes. There is a definite chemistry there. On the other hand, he still has a live in girlfriend (that he's saying is over... BS ALERT... if it's over it's over), but he wants to have sex with Susan immediately and has dropped little teasing comments that are intended to shame her into it ("apparently you didn't have a good enough time"). Susan has a guideline, though, that she won't have sex with you if you have a live in. Obviously it's a guideline though, and not a rule. This leads to issues though.

1) She wants to have sex with him and she hates condoms; ergo she'll fluid bond. Which means we can't be fluid bonded any more, and therefore no more PIV sex.

2) She's very worried that he only kinda likes her, but really just wants to have sex with her. I do understand his point of view. Susan is the sexiest woman I have ever met. Granted, she pushes all the right buttons for me, but she oozes sex appeal.

3) I'm so nervous and torn. I want her to be happy, but I'm concerned both for her not to get hurt and how it will affect her and I. I am still going there next weekend, and she still wants to go to New Orleans.

I'm not sleeping well, but I'm sure the whole situation will take care of itself. It has every other time in the past two years.
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Me: 41 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 19 years
LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 4 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
Ironically named Farmgirl - local interest
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  #17  
Old 09-16-2014, 03:35 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Something about me is that I like to know what's going on. I like to have a frame of reference to be able to understand other people. I do it at work, home, and just in normal discussions.

So one thing that has stuck out with Susan is I don't know what it's like to date. I don't know how fast things go. I don't know how they change. I don't know the stresses. I decided I need to find out. That made me sign up on OkCupid. I haven't had the discussion with Kay yet, but I don't think it will bother her. I mentioned this morning that I needed to tell her something, but she was too stressed out for a discussion. If it bothers her I can always let it lapse.
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Me: 41 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 19 years
LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 4 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
Ironically named Farmgirl - local interest
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  #18  
Old 09-16-2014, 10:06 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Kay was pleased, and was kind of interested. Her only trepidation with Susan is that I'm gone for a number days. Someone local would fix that.
__________________
Me: 41 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 19 years
LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 4 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
Ironically named Farmgirl - local interest
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  #19  
Old 09-18-2014, 02:36 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Well, that was a sucky night.

Yesterday, I wrote this poem for Susan.
Dancing beneath the stars with you,
Thrills my throbbing heart.
My skin delights at your sweet soft touch,
Breathing you; such a way to start.

Tingles flow down my body,
your face, your eyes, your smile.
I want to drink you in,
You fill my soul, let's spend a while.

Moonlight shining in your hair,
The sparkle of your eyes,
Your soft lips pressed to mine,
We've shed any of our disguise.

You so bare before me,
Your heart and soul and mind.
Mine to cherish completely,
A treasure of most precious kind.

We step so lightly together,
And give you a little twirl.
Chasing cars around our heads,
Just to forget the world.

------


I sent it to both her email (which she never goes without checking) and to a thing like facebook on our chat site. I know she checked the latter because she left a note on one of my other posts done within a few seconds.

So, when I saw her online, the first thing she mentioned was a stalker woman (I'm not sure if she saw the irony.. the only reason she cares is this woman was with Daley), the second was a text from the new guy she was seeing which was over the top and cheesy, "..and you mean the world to me." Please. They've been on one date and he's got a live in girlfriend.

No mention of the poem. Ok fine, so I mention it hurt my feelings and she freaks out and leaves.

I haven't done anything but text or email her for a week. Maybe longer. I'm lonely and I miss her to pieces, and I get that. She HAS been working 12-16 hour days for a couple weeks now, so I get that, but I can't get 5 minutes of phone time?

Instead I get to hear about a new bf and made to feel unappreciated and it's my fault.

bah.

She texted an apology later, but I don't know if she means it. I don't think she understands why I was hurt. I don't think she knows how lonely I feel. I don't really think she cares. She wants to me to make her feel wonderful and never tell her anything bad. That's great when she makes me feel appreciated, but that's been in short supply lately.
__________________
Me: 41 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 19 years
LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 4 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
Ironically named Farmgirl - local interest
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  #20  
Old 09-22-2014, 07:21 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Argh! Lost a whole post.

Short version:
Susan and bf went out. In the limited time we talked, she decided to give me a detail that at the time I was not secure enough to handle without context. I remarked. She got "furious." We talked it over the next day. She cannot deal with my criticism; warranted or not.

So, I'm going to have to back away. I love her dearly. I want to be with her, but she is not all-in with me. She said adding another visit between this Friday and our November vacation would stress her out. So be it. She claims not to need space, but her actions say differently.

I'm going to continue to try OK Cupid for a while. Be more open with my friends, and see what I can find locally. Stakes is brilliant. My first messages went unanswered for days. She told me to simply them down and I got 4 in one day. I'm not expecting anything to come out of it, but the exploration is lots of fun in itself.
__________________
Me: 41 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 19 years
LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 4 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
Ironically named Farmgirl - local interest
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