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  #21  
Old 01-02-2014, 07:29 PM
Tigergirl Tigergirl is offline
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Just a follow up to say thanks for all of the advice

Since my metamour's mental health is...erratic and she has been a hot mess lately, I decided not to bring it up to her- I'm usually the first one she attacks when she's feeling messy. I did tell our shared partner in as non-judgemental a way as possible. Just a "X said something about Y the other day, wasn't sure if I should say anything, but it was a bit weird"- then relayed the story and my response to it. He was surprised and agreed that it would be a problematic statement if it was said, but as I was, thought it was strange that I couldn't get any context for the story when it was told to me, as the incident when this was said occurred during a game of Citizens Against Humanity (for those who don't know, it's a card game where awful, awful things get said simply because you have to work with the awful things written on the cards). I left it up to him to deal with her about it- I've told him before that her personality issues are his problem to deal with, not mine- so he can deal with this too!
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  #22  
Old 01-02-2014, 09:37 PM
london london is offline
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Me and my partner play that game. It isn't for the faint hearted. I wouldn't use something said in that game as any sort of indication of someone's general views.
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  #23  
Old 01-02-2014, 09:58 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Yeah I am a horrible, horrible person when I play Cards Against Humanity. Kind of the point of the game. (If anyone has not played, it is ridiculously fun.)

Your intuition would tell you if your metamour meant anything 'for reals' when playing the game. But for most people, I automatically discount anything anyone says playing CAH.
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  #24  
Old 01-02-2014, 10:41 PM
Tigergirl Tigergirl is offline
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Yes, it's a super fun, super wicked game. I wasn't there though, so I still don't know the context- if it was related to the game or if it was an actual statement she was making, as the person who told me seemed to be trying to say. (Of course, there's now the consideration of what was THEIR motivation for telling me the way they did if it was game related!). I wouldn't really put anything past her but I'm also not going to judge her based on hearsay, so I'm just sort of washing my hands of it.
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  #25  
Old 01-02-2014, 10:55 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
Me and my partner play that game. It isn't for the faint hearted. I wouldn't use something said in that game as any sort of indication of someone's general views.
Nope. Probably would have been helpful to have known that in the OP
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  #26  
Old 01-02-2014, 11:02 PM
Tigergirl Tigergirl is offline
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I wasn't aware that it was being played during the incident, hence no mention in the OP. I wasn't there, and the person who relayed the story to me didn't tell me. I asked them for context, such as what was going on to prompt such a comment, but all they said was that it came out of nowhere- I don't know why they chose to withhold that info. I only found out about the game when telling my partner, because he knew that they had played (but wasn't there either). All I knew was that they were having a "game night"- I didn't know what game.
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  #27  
Old 01-03-2014, 07:32 AM
london london is offline
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Because they are malicious, shit stirring *****. That's why it wasn't mentioned.
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  #28  
Old 01-03-2014, 01:49 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigergirl View Post
"Jewish men tend to be date rapists."
I almost spit coffee at my computer screen; this is freaking hysterical!!

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Originally Posted by Tigergirl View Post
People seemed like they were ready to assume knowledge on his part as her partner and to shun him as well, without any conversation with him.
This sounds an awful lot like high school. Is this a group of adults?

Honestly there is no telling what your metamour actually said but regardless, if they were offended then they should have put on their big girl panties and told her. This skulking around in dark corners and discussing who they will ensnare in their cowardly dealing with some alleged statement is for kids.

I would give the statement no weight and if people want to inform on your other friends to you again stop them right then and there "Sorry, I'm not really interested in this kind of gossip... it's just hurtful for no good reason". Another version of the statement can be simply said with an eye roll and "Oh grow up. What am I, your camp counselor?"
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  #29  
Old 01-03-2014, 10:35 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Pretty rotten that they didn't mention the CAH context. Now it is indeed sounding like a bunch of junior high kids (the ones in need of some class).
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  #30  
Old 01-09-2014, 08:07 PM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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I like the idea of opening up the discussion to all three. That way youre giving her a chance to defend herself while not letting her off the hook.

Ultimately this is going to come to a head whether you tell him or not. Others are driving this issue. I would do what is in service of the relationship. What is the most caring thing to do for him?

The comment is certainly anti-semetic. Period. Even if thats been her "experience" she hasnt dated ALL Jewish men. And while there may be an element of gossip involved, if your kink community is as importsnt to you as mine has been at certain periods in the past, you need to address it. If its too high school for you then just rise above.

Again, I like the group email.

Best of luck.

Last edited by vanquish; 01-09-2014 at 08:19 PM.
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