Is our time split unusual?

[Runeshower]

Is it still going well for you three, 6 months later?

[Mya]

Our living arrangements have changed a lot lately, so that's why the time is also split differently at different times. At the moment and during this summer I live in one city, JJ lives in another and rory lives in a third with her husband. I live 2 hours from rory and 7 hours from JJ. I spend about every other weekend with one of them and during the week I'm alone. Well, usually not really alone, but without my loves. When I'm with rory, she usually comes to my place and when I'm with JJ, I usually go to his place (which is actually my house too). Sometimes one of them comes to my place during the week as well, rory for a night after work because it's only 2 hours away, and JJ during his summer holiday for a longer period of time.

The living situation is going to change again in the autumn when I move back in with JJ and rory and her husband are moving further away from us. The plan is I'll be spending one week of every month at their place. The distance is so long that it's quite impossible to see more often, so I think that's a good solution for now. That kind of arrangement is possible because of my flexible job that I'll start in the autumn.

In the future I'm hoping that we could all live in the same city and close to each other. If all goes well and a lot of time has passed, then maybe even in the same house.

[vodkafan]

Originally Posted by Runeshower

Is it still going well for you three, 6 months later?

Sadly Runeshower, No. My marriage is over and I have moved out. But my wife is not with the other guy either. She told lots of lies to both of us and now she has nobody. And after it fell apart he didn't turn out to be a very nice person either. The police have been involved. I don't want anything more to do with polyamory.
But I want to stress, poly did not wreck my marriage. My wife wrecked our marriage.

[Magdlyn]

Oh my god!

Wow. I sure didn't expect this kind of update. I am so sorry for your pain and loss.

Many hugs. How are the kids doing? Where are they?

[sage]

I must admit that I was wondering as we hadn't heard from you for so long.

I too am very sorry for your loss Vodkafan and hope that you can rebuild your
life is a positive way.

I do think that this is an important case that we can all learn from, although I totally understand that it may all be too painful for VF to comment further. My big question is: why, when a polyamorous person seemingly is given what they want they still cheat or lie?
I know polyamorous people come in at all levels of morality and maybe that is all the answer ever can be but I suppose I have an underlying belief in the basic goodness of people. Maybe this has thrown me because monogamy takes the blame as an unworkable situation for many people, when in fact they may be incapable of ethical non-monogamy as well.

[redpepper]

Thanks for being the bearer of this news rather than me. I appreciate not sitting on it any more... lots of love to you my friend.

[vodkafan]

Thanks Redpepper, and Sage and Magdlyn. Although I don't think I am suited to poly, compared to the emotional events before and after, I will remember it as a relatively quiet time with few arguments and lots of good sex.
At least my marriage went out with a bang at the end.

[nycindie]

Vodkafan, I am also glad you posted what you've been going through, as I have been thinking about you ever since you told me. But I wanted to give you space. Please remember my offer to have further conversations if you need someone to talk to. You have my private email.

[vodkafan]

Originally Posted by nycindie

Vodkafan, I am also glad you posted what you've been going through, as I have been thinking about you ever since you told me. But I wanted to give you space. Please remember my offer to have further conversations if you need someone to talk to. You have my private email.

Thanks Cindie, I haven't forgotten. Been busy these last few days settling down into my new flat and having a bit of an emotional breather really. I think I might stick around here too as I have made some friends here including yourself. Although I won't be able to contribute much in terms of opinions and posting I suppose.
I am not bitter.

[Magdlyn]

I'm still wondering what will happen to your large family. All those kids. You're getting a small apartment and your wife gets all the kids and custody?